Now, as for my ban from Chronos... the truth never really surfaced. It was probably just too pathetic to share.
Who would believe that while trying to run a newcomer training session as a penalty game, I ended up masquerading as a ninja, went on a rampage, and then got taken out by food poisoning? Even as I say it myself, it makes no sense. It was just an impossible sequence of events.
Ultimately, the official story was that I collapsed from food poisoning caused by Lepsitol Seafood. Consequently, the group—including the Galactic Empire—suspended all imports. Several companies went bankrupt as a result, and Mike & Hammer Co. bought them out. This wasn't a matter of economic rationality; it was for the sake of intelligence gathering.
We had samples submitted and conducted inspections across the Galactic Empire, Chronos, Taikyoku Nation, and Latarnia. Fortunately, our camp was quite advanced in its research regarding Zork and Ghouls—likely more so than the Zen God Race who created them. Just because you're the creator doesn't mean you actually understand the thing you've made.
Our findings revealed that those crabs contained Zork genes. Apparently, it was a variety developed within the last decade or so. Furthermore, we discovered that applying heat reduced the toxins to a level that was harmless... or rather, non-lethal for a Lepsitolian. In this case, "harmless" simply meant they wouldn't die. If they ate them in large quantities, they were still toast. Honestly, I suspect people were getting upset stomachs from sushi quite frequently. The salmon-like fish used in California rolls was actually a landlocked trout, which was fully farmed and highly safe. So, they had been eating California rolls because they were the safe option all along.
And then, things took a turn for the worse. Ghouls. They had gone feral. They were parasitizing seafood in general. What I initially thought was something like Anisakis turned out to be Ghouls that had lost their intelligence.
I hesitated over whether to announce this, but eventually, I contacted the heavyweights of the fishing industry through Mike & Hammer Co. I intended to expose the truth if they tried to cover it up, but the Fishery Association held an emergency press conference and apologized. From our perspective, we thought that would be the end of it. We figured people just wouldn't be able to eat seafood for a while.
Then the riots started. Yeah.
Since I was on medical leave, I was hiding under the kotatsu with Rikochi and moping. I couldn't drink, and I couldn't eat anything delicious. I was just lounging around, playing games while binging manga and anime.
"Rikochi, your turn."
"O-kay. Ah! Pickpocket Silver!"
Rikochi's funds in the board game dropped to zero. That said, I was the one currently burdened with the Poor God. Despite the presence of NPCs, the two of us were fighting for dead last.
"Do you have volume forty of JoJoJo?"
"It should be in that pile over there..."
As expected, a paper book is a must when you're in a kotatsu. I wriggled around to grab the manga. When I checked my terminal to cue up the next episode of the anime, I saw a notification labeled "Emergency Alert." It wasn't for Chronos or the Empire; it was a civilian news alert for Lepsitol.
Hm?
"Rikochi, there's an emergency alert."
"Huh...? What?"
Her vacation-mode brain finally started to sharpen. Time to check the correspondence course.
"Wifey! Emergency alert in Lepsitol! Looks like they're holding a press conference. I'm setting it to simultaneous viewing on your end too!"
"O-oh... What is it?"
Wifey, dressed in her jersey, rubbed the sleep from her eyes. It was still the middle of the night for her. The conference began immediately.
"The Sakamoto Conglomerate has declared war on the Corporate Government. The Sakamoto Conglomerate has staged an illegal military occupation of Tosa Prefecture. They are currently in a state of combat with the National Army."
"Excuse me? ...Lord Groom... did you do something?"
"I was just snuggling in the kotatsu with Rikochi, watching manga and anime and playing games..."
"The perfect holiday, then..."
For the record, not a single erotic event had occurred. Whether it was the toxins or just exhaustion, neither of us had the energy for that.
"I don't mean that... What about the political maneuvering?"
"Nothing. I just let them decide whether to go public with the poison. My only plan was to hold a press conference via Mike & Hammer Co. if they didn't. You gave the okay for that too, Wifey."
"The Sakamoto Conglomerate is... let's see..."
"They're the largest conglomerate in the food industry. Everything from retort pouches to commercial supplies. Almost every sushi restaurant does business with them."
It seemed the Sakamoto Conglomerate had used the contamination issue to criticize the government and force their independence.
"I see... and their chances of winning?"
"That depends on whether Strike Co. and the munitions industry get serious. Strike holds the military's ammo and equipment, while Sakamoto holds the food. But considering economic efficiency, I'd expect them to avoid a full-scale war. From a corporate standpoint, Sakamoto might not care if they become a different country."
No matter how strong Strike was, they couldn't maintain power without food. Ultimately, giving military power to corporations was a mistake. Still, you'd expect the rebellion to be suppressed eventually.
"The reporting seems a bit off for that, though... Look at this."
"Eh?"
Wait, what? A full-scale fleet battle had begun. And it wasn't just for show. They were blasting away at each other, and people were dying left and right.
"Why?"
The news coverage was bizarre. Every outlet was supporting the Sakamoto Conglomerate.
"It's just like when my brother disposed of our father. At this rate, the nation will perish. The Sakamoto Conglomerate sensed that."
"Whoa..."
Up until now, I'd felt like a bystander. Then Wifey spoke again.
"Lord Groom, seize it."
"Pardon?"
"Use Mike & Hammer Co. to take the world. Now is your golden opportunity."
You've got to be kidding me...
I looked at Rikochi. Her face, which had been dazed and covered in bedhead, instantly turned serious.
"Rikochi, please don't tell me you're going to say this is for justice."
"It's for our safety. You're always so stubborn about stuff like this, Leo-kun."
"We're foreigners. We have to draw a line somewhere."
However, I had a sinking feeling. I understood the feral Ghouls, but the real question was where they had come from. To find that out, I needed to uncover the full picture of the giant corporations controlling Lepsitol.
"Rikochi... I'm going back to being a ninja."
"Understood."
I’d like to say I was going to uncover evil as a ninja, but in reality, it was going to be more like peeling an onion, one tedious layer at a time.
And so, our "happy yet embarrassing" domestic life—which was actually just a period of pure, unadulterated laziness—came to an end as we threw ourselves into espionage.
"One last snack."
Rikochi tried to open a bag of treats, but it tore open, spilling everything onto the floor.
"Could you not start us off with such a bad omen?"
"Ehehehe."
I was suddenly filled with anxiety.