Life with Rikochi was easy enough.
We were comrades who knew each other's quirks, and we both had enough life skills to get by. As for those awkward moments involving underwear... well, we were military. You get used to accidental glimpses during sudden deployments. It was unavoidable to some extent.
Or rather, those sorts of events were supposed to be on the decline. Usually.
Rikochi lay snoring in the kotatsu, a dotera thrown over her towel-material haramaki. Her eyes, normally hidden by her bangs, were visible now; she looked perfectly at peace. It seemed that, in Rikochi’s mind, I didn't even qualify as a member of the opposite sex.
Sitting atop the kotatsu was our dinner: a hot pot.
It was crab.
This was also part of my job. My mission wasn't just about cooking; it was about soaking up the atmosphere—understanding the daily lives of the citizens. Part of that involved learning the local cost of living. You just can't get the full picture from data alone.
This crab... technically, it seemed more like a squat lobster than a true crab, but it was crab enough for us. And man, was it cheap. Ridiculously cheap. Apparently, they had mastered full-scale farming for them. The Galactic Empire had the technology as well, but it always ended up being too expensive there. See, crabs and shrimp start out in a plankton state when they're born. They die off in droves, which makes raising them a massive pain.
Well, the fine details didn't matter. Crab that was cheaper than imitation crab meat was justice.
During the Zork War, I’d reached a point where I thought I never wanted to see another crab for as long as I lived... but now, I couldn't get enough. So, I used my personal allowance to buy them by the ton. Rikochi, who had recently been put on the same allowance system as me since the territory management was going well, was also busy hoarding them.
I finally understood why that high-end sushi place served imitation crab meat salad warship rolls. The real crab was actually cheaper.
That brings us to dinner just a few minutes ago. First, we had them salt-boiled. I prepared soy sauce and mayonnaise, and both Rikochi and I let our appetites run wild. The main event, however, was the crab shabu-shabu... or rather, the hot pot. We tossed random vegetables into the broth and dove in!
"Fuhehehehe~"
Rikochi’s face was completely slack with bliss. That was when I brought out the secret weapon with a heavy thud.
"Th-that's...!"
"They said we could have a little."
It was Sake-sama.
Back in the day, we were always getting injured. We’d been forbidden from drinking alcohol to ensure we didn't build up a tolerance to painkillers. But according to the professional opinion of Dr. Kevin and several other physicians, the ban had finally been lifted.
Hyah-hah! Down it went with a thud!
"It's the expensive Sake-samaaa!"
Since we were beginners, I also brought out some sweet stuff.
"Cocktails!"
"Leo-kun, you're the best!"
"Should I grill some dried squid too?"
"The beeest!"
"I'll open a window for ventilation."
"Right, right."
I cracked the window, toasted the dried squid, and set out the seven-spice, soy sauce, and mayonnaise. I tore the squid into strips and served it up.
"Fuhehe..."
"Fuhehe..."
Sex appeal? There was none to be found. This was pure, unadulterated gluttony.
The Ninja Squad usually spent their time guarding events, which meant their staff meals almost always consisted of California rolls. I didn't hate them, but you eventually got tired of them. That was why we craved variety like this. In fact, the inari sushi take-out shop I was personally running was prospering like crazy. You lot were definitely sick of California rolls, weren't you?
Between the crab hot pot, the dried squid, and the Sake-sama... I was content to just sip slowly. I wasn't a huge drinker by nature; my family tended to have more of a sweet tooth.
Rikochi, however, was the dangerous one. She had started drinking at a breakneck pace.
"Rikochi! That's too fast! Slow down!"
"Gyahahahahaha!"
When I tried to stop her, she immediately got belligerent.
"Hey, Leo. Sit. Right. There."
"Ah, yes, ma'am."
I sat in formal seiza. I was fully prepared to fold my clothes and perform a dogeza if necessary.
"Why is it... that you keep expanding your harem?"
"It just sort of happened that way, Your Honor."
I wondered how it had come to this myself.
"Then why! Why can't I find a husband!?"
"I really wish I knew."
Her qualifications were actually quite good, even if she was one of the strongest warriors in existence. She was a fun person to be around, too. ...Even if she had catastrophically zero sex appeal.
"I want to get married! I want to get married! I want to get marrieed!"
She thrashed around on the floor. She was clearly hammered, but she didn't seem like she was going to be sick. As expected of a tank, she was built sturdy.
"But, Rikochi... why do you even want to get married?"
"Because I want to be a stay-at-home housewife!"
"That right there is the problem."
You'd think she’d want someone to act all lovey-dovey with, like Wifey or Claire. Or someone to be clingy with in private, like Melissa or Ren.
"Because! Claire-chan, Melissa-chan, and Ren-chan too! They all became so incredibly beautiful!"
"O-oh. Well, they were all beauties from the start."
"That's exactly it, Leo-kun! I'm so jealous! Even Kevin-kun turned into a beauty!"
"Wait, stop! That's because his internal conflict hasn't been resolved yet! Just thinking about it gives me a headache, so drop it!"
"Lately, Kevin-kun is so popular~. I mean, he’s a beauty with big breasts, and he’s cheerful and kind."
That was true, but still! I understood why he was popular, but it was complicated!
"I'm so jealous... I feel like I could kill someone out of pure envy... Yes... I'll kill the unrelated Leo-kun."
"Why me!?"
"Claire-chan, Melissa-chan, Ren-chan... everyone suddenly became so refined... they're every girl's idol now..."
"I see."
"You Beauty Manufacturer, youuuuuuu!"
"I'm not the one at fault here!"
She gulped down more alcohol. What was I going to do... she was a terrible drunk.
"Listen! If I can't get married, Leo-kun, you have to take responsibility! It's a promise!"
"I don't think it counts as a promise when one party doesn't agree to it."
With that, Rikochi downed the lemon-flavored 'Strong' drink she was only supposed to have a sip of. Her eyes started spinning, and she promptly passed out.
What a mess. I was worried she might throw up in her sleep, but she just started snoring rhythmically. As I finished the rest of the squid and the hot pot, I found myself wishing I could go home.
Still, the dried squid really was delicious. In Lepsitol, squid and octopus were dirt cheap because they could be fully farmed. ...Maybe I'd make takoyaki next time.
Suddenly, a message arrived from Fairy, who wasn't currently supposed to be in my terminal.
What now?
When I checked, it was just a thumbs-up stamp.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'll be sure to report this to Veronica-chan."
What did that mean?
Rikochi’s stomach was sticking out... but at least she was wearing her towel-material haramaki. She was a good girl, in her own way.