Hello.
I’m Kawagon—the man whose secret was betrayed by the Captain only two hours after I told him to keep it quiet.
I was annoyed, but it couldn't be helped. I would simply have to act the part of an Auditor.
“Hello! One order of takeout sushi!”
I marched into the executive office.
Upon my entrance, the executives—who had clearly heard the rumors in advance—raised their voices in a panic.
“H-h-h-h-h-hello, Your Highness the Grand Duke!”
“I—I am the Headquarters Auditor, Kawagon. Care for some sushi?”
I had pressed the sushi myself after borrowing the kitchen of a local sushi bar. When I offered to sharpen their knives and give them half the fish fillets, they let me use the place for free.
I had prepared enough for everyone.
Behold the culinary and technological prowess of the Kamishiro Group!
Also, I decided right then that I’d buy that sushi dining spot later. It was just the right size to serve as a hideout.
I distributed the sushi and began the meeting.
I flicked on my Lepsitol translator.
Honestly, the pronunciation of the Lepsitol Language was so unique that there was no way I could memorize it overnight. Unlike the Proone Language, it seemed like something I could master if I really put my mind to it, though.
“I’d appreciate it if we could proceed with this ‘Auditor’ persona as my official cover.”
“I have absolutely no idea what is going on anymore.”
I figured as much.
“Let’s see... first, regarding my ‘trainee’ life. I tried to attend the induction ceremony, but I was mistaken for a raiding ninja and ended up participating in the assault instead. I arrested the Mikoshi Trading Co. Branch Manager. That night, when I returned to my apartment, I was hit by a retaliatory strike. Since they tried to fire missiles and involve the local residents, I wiped them all out. In the heat of the moment, I annihilated Mikoshi Trading Co. and performed an absorption merger. The Captain caught wind of that, and when I lied and said I was an Auditor, he spread the word in seconds. I’m never forgiving the Captain.”
“How did it even come to this...?”
The executives clutched their heads in their hands.
I didn’t know either.
“According to Karen, our Chief Operating Officer, Lepsitolians feel an instinctive sense of dread toward me. I suppose it’s just some quirk of my constitution.”
“That is not quite it...” an old man among them muttered softly.
“What wells up in our hearts when we look upon Your Highness is not fear, but awe. The youngsters don't understand the concept of awe, so they likely assume they will be destroyed if they do not kill you first.”
Wait... that sounded exactly like what Ren always said: “Master, are you sure you aren't actually part of the Beast Race?”
Apparently, from a Beast Race perspective, I gave off the aura of a pack leader. Even when told that, I didn't really get it.
“In other words, they got scared of me and just self-destructed...”
“Simply put, yes. They made a fatal misjudgment due to their youth.”
I finally understood why they had only targeted me. I was starting to get the picture.
Lepsitol was a society that claimed to have completely discarded its wild nature. No, it was a society that misunderstood itself as having discarded it. In reality, it was a world of “might makes right” and “violence-hooray” with no real laws.
Because of that, they instinctively tried to destroy anything they felt they should avoid. It might have been better for them if they didn't try to hide their barbarity, like the Ogre God Nation.
“What are Your Highness’s thoughts?”
“About what?”
“We have absorbed one of the giant conglomerates. At this rate, it would be possible for you to become the Ruler of Lepsitol.”
Ah, I see. This was the part where the person who originally said, “Let’s teach Leo about society to stop his rampages,” gets into trouble.
That was you, Isono!
“As for ruling... well... I’ll take that idea back with me and decide later.”
“As you wish.”
Now I was in a real bind. I fled back to my apartment and contacted Wifey.
“Waaaah! They’re telling me to go ahead and rule Lepsitol!”
“Then just take the place over already!”
“Waaaah! But I want to have children with Wifey first!”
“Hmph, that is exactly what I desire! Come here!”
All right!
“Th-th-th-then... we shall make children, forsooth!”
“Indeed. We shall need an Emperor for the Galactic Empire, a Grand Duke for Chronos, and a Ruler of Lepsitol for the next generation. We shall have three.”
“My tummy suddenly started hurting, forsooth... Could we maybe use the grammar of love and romance instead of politics for once, pwease?”
“Fool! For the Imperial Family, child-making is politics!”
“Waaaah!”
I was so sad. I just wanted to whisper sweet nothings.
“That aside... it’s a good opportunity, so go stir things up in Lepsitol. It’s fine if the Lord Groom moves as he pleases.”
“Another solo assignment?!”
“Since it’s come to this, you might as well reign as the Galactic Overlord!”
“Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
“Also, I am sending the Lord Groom a bodyguard.”
“Ren?”
“Look forward to it.”
I had nothing but a bad feeling about this.
Then, the next day.
“Leo-kun, are you there~?”
Just hearing the voice told me my premonition had become reality. When I opened the apartment door, Rikochi was standing there. Unusually, she was wearing plain clothes.
“I’m your bodyguard, Leo-kun.”
“The Destruction King has arrived!”
“That’s so rude!”
“Rikochi, did you hear what the goal of this operation is?”
“I was told to protect Leo-kun because enemies will try to kill him just for breathing.”
How sad. The fact that she wasn’t wrong made it even sadder.
“Ah, yeah... want to go eat sushi?”
We headed to the sushi bar I had bought. The Kamishiro Group had already aggressively taken over the management. They’d installed a Commercial Sushi Machine so that anyone could prepare the food, and it had been rebranded as a shop selling Galactic Empire-style Sushi. It was actually being received quite well.
California rolls were selling like hotcakes... Wait, can I really not exterminate just those?!
“Boss!”
When I entered the shop, the manager sent over from Mike & Hammer Co. called out to me.
“Hey. I’ve brought a friend today. I’ll leave the selection to you.”
“Understood, sir!” he replied with an excessively intense smile.
“It’s been a while since I’ve had sushi that wasn't frozen~”
“That’s because I’m the only one who ever makes it.”
It was true. Kevin, Nina-san, and the others... they never touched Japanese Food. Well, they used to make miso soup, but then they got into a massive fight over the different types of miso and dumped the whole task on me.
I was basically the designated resolver for all regional food conflicts. Chemical Yokan, Sashimi with Chemical Jelly, Chestnut Rice, Osechi Cuisine... for some reason, they were all my responsibility. Then there was the whole Ozoni debate. Honestly... what a bunch of idiots!
Red Miso & Sea Lettuce Miso Soup was served. This shop was built entirely around my personal tastes. Which meant glistening fish... overwhelmingly glistening fish!
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
“Oh, can I have a California roll, please?”
“Coming right up!” the General replied in a gravelly voice.
“Why?!”
While I was basking in the bliss of my Gizzard Shad and Bud Onion sushi, the California roll was thrust into my peripheral vision. Why must you always stand in my way?!
“Because it’s yummy!”
“It’s yummy, but still!”
“And a Crab Salad Gunkan, please~!”
“You got it.”
Whhhyyyy?!
“Leo-kun, your tastes are just too old-fashioned.”
That was certainly true!
And so, Rikochi and I officially joined forces.