The pro-wrestling tournament was a resounding success.
In fact, it was a little too successful.
The scale had grown massive. Thanks to the marketing efforts of Master Tank and his associates, the event was being broadcast across the entire universe.
Several religious states were up in arms, firing off official statements of protest. They were complaining about the costumes of the ring girls and the female wrestlers. Like I cared.
On the other hand, I received passionate letters from other muscle-brained nations, much like the Ogre God Nation, begging us to teach them the ways of pro-wrestling. Fine by me... I’d dispatch some trainers. Former pros, of course.
Tourists were flooding into Chronos, and the economic impact was staggering. It seemed the uniquely Japanese-descended desire to sample every kind of cuisine had really resonated. Chronos was now home to a massive number of restaurants and stalls from various countries.
It started because the Galactic Empire soldiers enjoyed their food tours, but even the Chronosians had started trying foreign dishes, figuring, “If the King likes it, we might as well give it a shot.”
Cervantes held a regular Foreign Bento Fair, and even the laborers had come to enjoy international flavors. Furthermore, the Kamishiro Group had begun selling bento boxes featuring local specialties at service areas for railways and land vehicles. They were unnervingly popular. My only real intention had been to bake cultural preservation into entertainment, but it had taken on a life of its own.
Consequently, tourists seeking out the gourmet fest—who were once a rarity—were now arriving in droves. I didn’t feel much resistance toward what people called "tourism pollution." My priority was generally on business.
The real problem was that it was now impossible to filter out terrorists at immigration. We didn't allow weapons to be brought in, but importing them wasn't exactly a challenge. Even on the local planets of Chronos, dangerous creatures were everywhere. Even on the Capital Planet, if you went into the mountains away from the city, you’d run into something nasty. Banning weapons was a pipe dream—the kind of idea dreamed up by central civil officials sitting in safe offices.
So, we were on maximum alert.
Still, I had some thoughts for Intuition-chan. I could see the logic in trying to assassinate me, but if they forced us to cancel these matches, they’d become the enemies of the entire universe. Was that really the plan? I was looking at you, Lepsitol and Parcion. Let’s all stay calm.
I took Wifey and a swarm of guards with me to greet the ambassadors of various nations. I held Lou-chan in my arms. While the first match was underway, I made my rounds for quick greetings. I didn't demand they come to me. To this galaxy, Wifey was an outsider, and I had no real authority. Besides, going to them personally made them extremely humble, which I found quite amusing.
“All right, Lou-chan, say hello.”
“Hellooo♪”
Everyone knew Lou-chan’s circumstances, and the fact that I doted on her was public knowledge. The ambassadors were startled to see me but responded with smiles when they saw Lou-chan.
“Lord Groom, you really are mischievous, aren’t you?♪”
Wifey and I shared a wicked grin. Hehehe.
Hahaha! Fresh reactions really were the best. This also served as a personality check. If someone acted condescendingly, I’d simply keep them at arm's length. The same went for anyone who treated Lou-chan poorly. I wasn't asking them to worship her, but they needed to show a basic level of respect. Also, be kind to kids. If they sent a diplomat who couldn't manage that... well, they knew what was coming.
I made sure to burn their faces and names into my memory.
I finished the greetings and returned to the VIP seats. No attacks so far.
A report came in from the security chief. They’d arrested a large number of people for drunken brawling. Since there were so many, I gave them permission to use the Chronos Army’s brig as well.
Rikochi and the military police were patrolling as a separate unit. There were many Ogre God Nation warriors who had challenged Rikochi to a fight, only to be taken down in seconds. It seemed that in addition to the Leo-kun Challenge, the Ogre God Nation female warriors had started a Rikochi Challenge of their own.
Katori-sensei was also on patrol. Those who challenged him were being forced into "special training" during the breaks.
When I got back, a male idol group was performing before the second women's match. It was a collaboration between Latarnian, Taikyoku Nation, and Chronosian idols. The Ogre God Nation crowd was remarkably unimpressed. Apparently, even though they were popular elsewhere, they didn't land here. Instead, the Ogre God warriors used the performance time to rush the alcohol stalls. Beer, Japanese sake, and the traditional Chronosian doburoku-style brew were selling like wildfire.
Even during this, Intuition-chan's alarm bells were ringing in my head. I’d already reported her fussing, so we were responding with massive security. Armored vehicles, fire trucks, and humanoid fighters were all on standby. Massacre Night-chan was ready, and there was even a transport aircraft prepared for Wifey's escape.
To guard against any raids, destroyers and cruisers were patrolling the surrounding space, while battleships stood ready at the spaceport. The pirate guild’s private security firms were working at full capacity. The Suematsu Squad and the Chronos religion monk corps were protecting Zashiki-warashi-chan and Himorogi-chan.
“You know, there was once a President Lincoln, a former pro fighter, who was assassinated in a theater—”
“Lord Groom, your insensitive jokes are really beyond a laughing matter...”
Wifey looked genuinely worried. Damn, the joke fell flat. That wasn't a good sign.
As I was reflecting on my failed humor, Melissa walked up.
“Yo! I grabbed some stuff from the stalls. Here, Lou-chan, this is for you.”
She handed Lou-chan a cup of coconut milk with fruit floating in it.
“Thank you, Big Sister Melissa!♪”
Melissa was leading her direct-control samurai squad on patrol, even though she insisted she was just the "snack run coordinator."
“A crepe for Veronica-chan. Takoyaki for the Captain. I also got some fries and popcorn.”
“I... love... potatoes...”
“I know.”
Brushed off! My humor was completely failing to land.
“Hey, Wifey. My jokes have been falling flat all day. Something bad might be happening.”
“That is a sentence that would make one doubt the speaker's sanity if anyone other than Lord Groom said it. ‘Lord Groom's intuition is sounding an alarm! Strengthen the patrols!’”
Wifey immediately issued orders to the troops.
“Ahahaha! As usual, the Captain's prophecies are hilarious!”
“It’s not a prophecy; it’s intuition.”
That was the one hill I was willing to die on.
“What are you talking about? It’s practically a prophecy. I mean, the official stance is that your specialty isn't future foresight, but...”
“Give me a break...”
Then, the moment the music stopped, it finally happened.
“Emergency! An unidentified humanoid fighter has appeared within the perimeter!”
The military transmission came through. Give me a break!
“Where is it?!”
“At the edge of our territory... wait, it’s gone!”
Gone?!
“Emergency! An unidentified humanoid fighter has—”
Another alarm. This time from a completely different location.
What the hell was going on?