Lepsitol.
It was a nation governed by corporations.
The Lepsitolians who lived there possessed reptilian scales, though they were generally humanoid in form. They were certainly closer to us than the octopus people living in water tanks.
However, something was bothering me. Specifically, the woman on the screen: Karen-san. She was the chairwoman of Mike & Hammer Co. That was fine. At that point, there were plenty of things to nitpick, but there was a much more pressing issue.
Her suit—which looked like a primary schooler’s vision of "futuristic"—was wide open at the chest, revealing her bountiful...
Yes. She had breasts.
Biologically, I felt those were organs that served no purpose unless one was breastfeeding. In fact, the Proone didn't have them. So, were Lepsitolians based on a human template? Or was it simply that the world demanded... breasts?
"Is something the matter?"
"No, I was just lost in thought."
But seriously, why? Why did she have breasts?!
"By Galactic Empire standards, they are G-cups, in case you were wondering."
"..."
G-cups. Unbelievable. Why? Were they really human-based?
"A gentleman's gaze is usually quite obvious, you know."
Suddenly, Wifey's Dyukushi strike connected with my ribs from off-screen.
"What are you looking at?"
"N-no, you've got it all wrong! I was just struck by a purely scientific curiosity!"
Another Dyukushi hit home. Wifey was generally tolerant of a harem, but she was strict about things she hadn't explicitly permitted. Just the other day, she’d caught me watching a "gal-themed"... well, that kind of video, and she’d kicked me out of our room.
It was tragic. I had to sleep in a sleeping bag in the Dining Hall!
"So, what is your business?" Veronica asked. "Because some country or another decided to start a war, our precious time as a married couple has been interrupted. Isn't that right, Lord Groom?"
"Exactly!"
"Hehe, it seems you two are as close as ever," Karen said. "As I mentioned, let us join forces and destroy that evil nation, Parcion."
My Secret Art: Dodging the Subject with a Lover's Quarrel had failed. I needed to get serious.
"Chronos has no intention of territorial expansion," I stated. "We have no intention of intervening in the war. However, if atrocities like civilian massacres occur and we receive a request, we will conduct rescue operations."
"And how many nations have collapsed because of those 'rescue operations'? Chronos is no different, is it?"
"It is a matter of the utmost regret that things turned out that way. However, we do not engage in reckless, aimless invasion. As proof, we have built strong alliances with nations like the Ogre God Nation, Latarnia, and the Taikyoku Nation. We have also established friendly ties and alliances with the Battle Dome nations."
Look, I’m not the bad guy here!
"My, the Archduke is feared as a 'Friendly Devil' across the galaxy, though," Karen said with a smile. It was a thin, serpentine expression.
"You are free to criticize us as you wish. We value freedom of speech and expression, so we make it a point not to restrict such things."
I gave her a smile of my own.
Honestly, I’d hate it if restrictions were placed on dōjinshi or anime! The Ogre God Nation had finally finished an original anime that was set to be released in a few months! I wouldn't let that flame be extinguished—mainly for my own sake!
Besides, a culture of starting an Ogiri whenever something happened had finally taken root in Chronos! That was a positive trend!
"Hehe, you seem to be exactly the kind of man I heard you were."
At that, Wifey puffed out her chest proudly. "Of course! He is the husband of the Galactic Empire Emperor Veronica, after all!"
You might have noticed, but we were doing nothing but making small talk. This was my Secret Art: The 'Refuse Cooperation While Dodging with Small Talk' Technique.
Karen realized it, too. We were both probing each other's intentions through the veil of idle chatter. The message I wanted to convey was simple: We don't want to get involved, but don't go committing massacres. That was it.
There was no proof that Parcion was a nation of the Zen God Race. More importantly, if we invaded Parcion now, they and Lepsitol might actually join forces to beat us to a pulp. Sure, public opinion in Chronos was mostly "Kill the Zen God Race, no mercy," and many believed Parcion should be destroyed for trying to assassinate me.
But I wouldn't do it now. I didn't like the idea of being goaded into it by Lepsitol. Honestly, I suspected Lepsitol might have been the one who egged Parcion on in the first place... the timing was just too convenient.
So, we continued our reconnaissance-via-small-talk.
"I imagine Galactic Empire Emperor Veronica-sama must be quite enraged by the attempted assassination of Archduke Leo," Karen probed.
"Hmph. I have faith in my Groom. The Strongest Man in the Universe—that is my husband, Leo Kamishiro. That assassination attempt was merely the work of some fearless riffraff looking for trouble. More importantly, our current lack of sleep is a much more pressing issue."
Wow, she really went there. Calling the people who tried to kill me "riffraff."
"In that case, I shall present you with a Sleep-aid Supplement developed by our company," Karen said with another smile.
Oh boy... she wasn't backing down either.
Suddenly, my vision felt like it was glitching. Behind Wifey, I could see a furious, towering tiger. Behind Karen, a giant serpent loomed. And then there was me—the Space Kaiju Kawagon, clutching a potato.
Um... can I just go home and sleep now? I... I want to eat my potato...
Eventually, we ended the call after promising to have another "chat" later. Nothing had actually progressed.
I thought about Karen. Not about the G-cups, mind you. I wondered if she was the type who viewed absolutely everything as a transaction. If so, I’d have to resort to the Secret Art: Hellish Time Where the Conversation Doesn't Match at All by Dragging it into Emotional Warfare.
As I was lost in thought, Wifey hugged me.
"I want to eat something the Lord Groom has made."
"Understood!"
With that, we headed to the Dining Hall. To my surprise, the Sleep-aid Drinks had already arrived.
That meant they knew we were sleep-deprived even before the meeting started. Ugh! Lepsitol is way too competent!
Seeing the drinks, Wifey broke into a smile—though she still had a massive tiger hovering behind her.
Right. Got it.
"Wifey, what do you want to eat?"
"Omelet Rice!"
"You got it!"
First, I whipped up some Chicken Rice. Nina-san was taking a nap nearby, so I made sure to stay quiet. I wrapped the rice in egg and drizzled ketchup over the top.
"Here you go, Wifey. One Omelet Rice."
"Umu!"
The tiger vanished. Domestic peace had been restored.
Lepsitol... what a terrifying child. It wasn't exactly a win or a loss, but she was a type of person I’d never dealt with before.