Parcion remained silent.
There were no signs of any military movement.
However, Parcion’s international prestige had effectively collapsed.
Chronos was a major power, sure. But the fact that a warship had been shot down by some nobody of an archduke and his master was a humiliation that couldn’t be ignored.
Simply saying, "But the opponent was too strong!" wasn't going to cut it.
To make matters worse, we hadn't even used a Death Blaster. We’d beaten them to a pulp using the same conventional weaponry that Parcion-chan uses.
The media was obsessed with the topic, and people everywhere mocked the pathetic Parcion with all their might. From the Ogre God Nation to the small countries of the Battle Dome, and even Latarnia and the Taikyoku Nation, it was a full-blown "Zako Zako♪" festival.
Mesugaki illustrations with the caption "Big Brother Parcion's Zako Zako♪" were being posted everywhere, and Mesugaki-chan Goods were selling like wildfire. Even inside Parcion’s own borders, the memes were like a hydra—delete one, and two more would take its place.
If they were going to try something, they absolutely could not afford to lose.
"It sold quite well. That manga I drew..." the Fairy muttered.
Officer, it's this one right here!
That said, the Fairy wasn’t the only one acting like a Mesugaki. Gentlemen from across the Galactic Empire were flooding the net with Parcion-chan illustrations. The entire Empire was swept up in the "Zako Zako" craze.
It was so pitiful that I reached out to the other Parcion participants and told them, "You can seek asylum here if you want."
I mean, it would be a tragedy if they were executed in some place I couldn't see. Even so, the athletes chose to return, saying, "We have families back home..."
How tragic...
Incidentally, a few of them apparently awakened to the pleasure of being verbally abused... Who the hell slipped this useless bit of information into the Incident Report! I don't need to know that!
Still, I can see why the story is making waves. Trying to assassinate someone during a match only to get pummeled by the target? You don't see a hilarious development like that every day.
That said, there was zero merit in us launching an invasion. No matter how I crunched the numbers, we just didn't have the human resources. It's impossible. Totally impossible!
Nothing good comes from recklessly expanding the front lines like that. Well, whatever. I’ll just keep poking at them with petty harassment for a while and see what happens.
In the end, we pulled two consecutive all-nighters.
Though I say "all-nighters," we did bring sleeping bags into the Dining Hall and took turns napping. In situations like this, the military's bunk beds are a godsend.
I made sure Tatiana, One-oh-one, and Shiyun got some sleep. However, the Chronos Religion's Tatiana Personal Guard Captain, Shiyun's Older Brother, and the Former Steward of the Despair were part of the all-night crew. All three are older than us, so it must have been rough on them.
Furthermore, Isono, Nakajima, and two other guys who had been playing all-night mahjong finally broke down on the second day. What are you guys even doing?
"Even when we try to sleep, someone wakes us up!" they complained.
Yeah, okay, my bad.
I finished my work and spent some time hanging out with Claire and the others—playing competitive games and catching up on movies and anime I'd been meaning to see.
Two days passed without a word from Parcion. I was finally told to go to bed, the Dining Hall Camp was disbanded, and I went to my room to sleep with Wifey. Zzzzz.
So, I was sleeping. Truly, deeply sleeping! And yet! Even so!
"Leo-kun, wake up!"
The Fairy shook me awake.
"Wha-wha-wha-what happened?"
"War has broken out between Parcion and Lepsitol."
I don't even know what that means anymore.
Both are major powers. Parcion is a totalitarian state that suppresses its people, while Lepsitol is a democracy—well, an economic dictatorship where corporations rule the planets. Personally, I don't want to deal with either of them. They’re both trading partners of Chronos, though.
Once my head cleared, I woke up Wifey, who was sleeping beside me.
"Mmm... what is it? I’ve told you so many times to wake me with a morning kiss... Hmm? Did something happen!?"
"Listen calmly. Parcion and Lepsitol have started a war."
"Huh? ...I don't understand any of this! For now, we're going to the office!"
I headed out first, still in my pajamas—an Officer Academy Tracksuit—and sandals. Wifey followed once the Court Ladies had helped her get dressed.
Wifey would emerge with flawless makeup, but I didn't even bother fixing my bedhead. On the way, I had the Fairy stream the news reports.
It was still just the initial bulletin. There was no footage yet. It seemed Lepsitol had struck first.
"According to the analysis by Latarnia National Broadcasting, they've judged that Parcion has been weakened by the failed assassination attempt on Leo-kun."
"Is it our fault again!?"
"Well, they did get beaten to a pulp by only two machines."
Naturally, anyone with half a brain for analysis would conclude that Parcion was weak rather than us being too strong. It looked completely absurd from the outside!
But man, they were fast to take action!
When I arrived at the Dining Hall, a group of people in tracksuits and messy bedhead greeted me.
"Leo~, what did you do this time for a war to start~?" asked Isono. His buzz cut meant his bedhead wasn't really noticeable.
"It's not my fault!"
"That's right, Isono. It just turned out this way because Leo stirred the pot," someone added.
"That’s effectively the same thing!"
Almost everyone from our Officer Academy days held some position in Chronos now. Because of that, a small army of Court Ladies and Chamberlains arrived to fix everyone's appearance.
I grabbed a bottle of bedhead remover—or some kind of hair tonic—and sprayed it on my head.
"Wait, this doesn't say bedhead remover. It says hair growth formula."
"Ah! That’s mine!"
Apparently, it was Isono's.
"You're not even balding yet!" He had a thick head of hair, even for a buzz cut.
"My old man is bald! If I don't start taking countermeasures now, I'll be in trouble!"
"O-Oh... sounds tough."
"Just so you know, it works fine for bedhead too, so it's no big deal."
It had a citrus scent, so I figured it was fine. It shouldn't do any harm.
I lightly brushed out my hair and let a Chamberlain tidy it up. They also groomed my eyebrows and used foundation to cover the dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep. The power of makeup is truly terrifying.
"By the way, why are we getting all dressed up?"
"You're holding a press conference."
"I haven't grasped the situation at all, though."
"They said you're going to report the fact that you haven't grasped the situation."
The men put on their formal military uniforms, while the women dressed in a separate room. Claire eventually joined us.
"Leo, I heard it’s a war between superpowers?"
"Seems like it. How’s the economy looking?"
"No change yet. Latarnia Bank said they would confirm the safety of our local residents for us."
"Understood."
And so, the press conference began.
I gave a brief greeting and then stood in the back. The one handling the Q&A was a Civil Official from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. He understood the situation far better than we did, so he was the right man for the job.
There was no point in a Spirit Channeling Act. I wasn't going to pull a stunt like that.
At the end, I was asked for a final word, and I gave an honest comment.
"I find it deeply regrettable that the actions of myself and Master Katori in defeating the assassins served as the trigger. However, I have no desire to be killed silently, so I do not regret resisting."
I thought I might get some grief from the anti-Archduke reporters, but no one said a word. Apparently, defending Parcion-chan was an impossible task even for them.
And that was how, while my brain was still half-asleep, a brand new fire had been lit in the galaxy.