I’m telling you! Why is it that I always take the most critical damage from food?!
Ever since Kevin mentioned white rice, everyone had been acting strange. Every last one of them started repeating it like a mantra: "Rice... rice..."
I tried offering some of Chronos’s rather disappointing upland rice. It was the kind you boil before eating, usually reserved for things like dry curry or biryani.
"That’s not it!"
Isono hit me with a dropkick, and while I was still reeling, Claire locked me in an octopus hold.
"Give! I give up!"
"Leo... the Empire’s rice... the kind you steam..."
Even Lady Claire Kamishiro Chronos, the newly appointed Grand Duchess of Chronos, had snapped. She had been saddled with the title of Grand Duke Consort after losing a lottery among my wives to decide who would get the position. With that, while Wifey was obviously my primary wife, Claire had become the first wife within the jurisdiction of Chronos.
Does that make sense? Because it didn't to me.
I’d even asked Wifey if she was okay with the arrangement, and she simply replied, "I do not mind in the least." I truly could not fathom what went on inside her head.
Melissa and Ren were also my concubines now. In fact, people were constantly pestering me to take a local Chronosian wife as well. I really didn't want to. This wasn't the harem I had envisioned. I wanted to experience actual romance; I wasn't the type to shout, "Gwahaha! Women! Score!"
I had no intention of marrying a girl I didn't even know. Besides, I fully intended to return the planet to a democracy after the next election and get myself kicked out. I was busy mulling this over while tapping Claire’s arm to signal my surrender.
She finally released me, but her eyes were brimming with tears.
"Rice... natto... nametake... nori... asari... mysis shrimp... basically any kind of tsukudani... even okaka kombu..."
That was a very salt-heavy wishlist.
"Shio kombu..." Claire moaned, collapsing unsteadily.
It was true; we were all at our limits. Rice... it was the essential item that sustained the Japanese soul.
"Um, should I make biryani?" I asked.
"That's not enough!"
Rikochi and Melissa looked delighted by the suggestion, but the rice-purists weren't having it. Regardless, we simply didn't have the right kind of rice. Latarnia produced a small amount, but it was also the boiling variety. Only Magellan had the steaming type.
It was only a little longer until harvest, so we just had to endure... though I suppose we had already been enduring for a long time. Relief supplies from the Galactic Empire were scarce, and while the battleships had hydroponic varieties, they tasted terrible.
"I guess it can't be helped... Claire, let's go."
"Where?"
"To the paddy field I bought with my personal assets."
"Eh?"
Unlike Isono, I didn't have a hobby for collecting luxury cars. Even when I spent money freely, my assets usually returned to me doubled. The real issue was finding a place to spend it all. So, after consulting with Wifey and Fairy, I had invested in a project that I was comfortable losing every cent on.
"Fairy, contact Wifey. If we don't do something, this group is going to fall apart."
"Are you sure? This is a top-secret project, you know?"
"We don't have a choice."
With that, Wifey arrived. My old classmates from the military academy also showed up to see what the commotion was about. Nakajima took the lead, shouting at the top of her lungs.
"Is this an uprising? It’s an uprising, isn't it?! Let's hang Leo! Give us the rice!"
"Hey, wait! Is this a coup d'etat?!"
Why did I always seem to face a bad end for the most incredibly stupid reasons?
"Fine! You guys come too!"
Honestly, there was nothing but idiots here. Even the bread-eaters like Ren joined in just for the fun of it. Most of our household ate both corn and rice, so it was a general frenzy.
I decided to take Experimental Subject-chan for a walk while we were at it. To get Claire back to her senses as quickly as possible, we boarded a transport ship. There was no proper landing pad, so we touched down on a vacant lot I owned—the future site of a roadside station. From there, we took a bus to the field.
I was the owner, but I had left the management of the experimental field to a trading company. I hadn't involved the Kamishiro Group because I didn't want to raise expectations too high. Sometimes you finish a crop only to realize you can't eat it—like if cadmium is detected. Because of the locusts, the soil pollution was still unpredictable. Some of the upland rice on Chronos had already been discarded for that very reason.
There was also a specific reason I hadn't told Claire.
"Ri... rice..."
She was still muttering like a zombie. Then, the people around her started catching the infection, moaning "Rice..." in unison. To be honest, this level of intensity terrified me. If I had let Claire in on the secret earlier, I had no idea what kind of food-obsessed dystopia she would have built.
The field was managed by Galactic Empire farmers hired by the trading company. They were people who had lost their homes during the Zork War, and I had brought them on as agricultural instructors. The trading company and the bank had found them for me almost instantly. Their efficiency was terrifying.
The rice in the field had ripened into a beautiful golden hue. It was nearly time for the harvest. The representative from the trading company brought over the head instructor.
"Her Imperial Majesty, and His Majesty Leo. On this occasion..."
A middle-aged man in work clothes tried his best to offer a formal greeting.
"It is fine. At ease," Wifey said, smiling from beneath a straw hat.
This was the side of her that made her truly amazing.
"Hey, old man. Does it look like we can harvest yet?"
"We harvested one plot as a trial. The official results aren't in, but it looks like we're clear of heavy metals and mold."
"This side is a paddy field. Over there, we’re testing Imperial varieties using Chronos-style upland cultivation," I explained, pointing toward the back.
Claire finally seemed to snap back into being a human.
"Why are you doing upland cultivation too?"
"It’s an experiment. The relationship between soil microbes, algae, and aquatic life is complicated, so you don't know the results until you try. We didn't know if the paddy fields would produce unknown toxins, so we’re testing the Chronos method as a backup."
"Heh... sounds like a lot of work," Melissa remarked. Since she was fine with bread or boiled rice, she treated it like someone else's problem. Rikochi looked equally bored.
"You two over there looking uninterested—come here. I have something special for you."
This area was actually quite close to the sea, though far enough back to avoid the salt spray. We took the bus a bit further toward the coast and arrived at a factory.
"What kind of factory is this?" Claire asked, her curiosity piqued.
"It’s a seafood processing plant. Here, try this."
The instructor's wife, who acted as the factory boss, brought out a plastic container. When Claire and the other rice-supremacists saw what was inside, they let out a collective cry.
"Nori tsukudani!"
Kukuku... strictly speaking, it wasn't actual Asakusa nori, but some kind of processed bacteria culture. However, the taste was identical and it was perfectly safe to eat.
This was my victory.