We donned our snowfield-spec combat suits.
The ones with snow camouflage.
"Grrrrrrrr..."
Even Wifey had gone feral.
That was how hungry we were.
After all, our groceries had been stolen.
When we considered going out to buy more, the supermarket was far, far away.
The local shops had already gone out of business because of the Locust Incident.
Perhaps because it was the dead of winter, the local farmers had no ingredients left for sale.
And because we had been counting on the food transport drone, we didn't even have Cup Noodles.
All we had was that fermented yeast and vegetable paste that most Chronosians despised.
It was a health food, not something you would usually eat as a proper meal.
Even in the military, this stuff was a rare exception where leaving food on your plate wasn't strictly forbidden.
I couldn't stand the smell of fermented celery either.
I’d been forced to eat it many times as a punishment for being a picky eater when I was a kid.
Which, naturally, only made me hate it more.
That said, Tatiana was the only one who could eat it normally, saying, "It’s alright, I guess."
Lately, I had started to suspect that Tatiana’s "alright" actually meant "revolting."
The real problem, however, was that this paste was a condiment; it wasn't a staple food.
And we had... no staple food.
Even Tatiana was sharing in this state of absolute extremity.
Wifey was currently riding in a snow tank driven by the Imperial Guard.
The rest of us moved by snowmobile.
We knew exactly where the bandits were.
The containers had position tracking tags on them for recovery.
I would not forgive them.
The roar of engines mingled with the growling of stomachs.
There would be no mercy.
The drinking group had also turned violent due to the depletion of their dry snacks.
They were snapping at everyone, demanding the ramen and udon we were supposed to have at the end of the meal.
We didn't have any Houtou in stock.
Because we had already eaten it all!
If only we had flour and cabbage... I could have grilled some savory pancakes!
If we had sugar, baking soda, and eggs, I could have made desserts!
Dammit! I won't forgive this!
Behold the rage of justice!
We approached the nearby mountain on our snowmobiles.
"I'll scout with the drone," Hungry Kevin said as she launched it.
Since Zorks had high metabolisms, this must have been agonizing for her.
Similarly, One-oh-one was growling, "Grrrrrrr."
My guards, the Former Stewards of the Despair, had faces like literal demons.
Hunger is truly a terrible thing.
Tatiana was busy picking wild berries and plants nearby.
"Oh, look, there’s some No-biru."
She was incredibly resilient.
"Hey, One, you want a Winter Strawberry?"
"I shall eat it, de arimasu!"
I washed it with mineral water and handed it to One-oh-one.
It looked like a raspberry.
Wait...
"Tatiana... isn't your survival aptitude a bit too high?"
"It’s 'cause I’m from a poor colony. There were times when wild plants were the only things to eat."
That carried a terrifying amount of conviction.
"Just don't touch the mushrooms... those are tricky."
"I won't."
"Jeez! Stop flirting! I'm finished!"
While I was talking to Tatiana, Kevin finished her reconnaissance.
For some reason, she was huffing in a pouty rage.
"So, where's the hideout?"
"It’s like a military camp. There are quite a few militia members."
The video feed was transferred to me.
I see; since this was the Capital Planet, they were probably Chronosians.
They didn't look like Magellanics.
The warriors of the Ogre God Nation looked at me with eyes full of desperate expectation.
...Fine, I get it.
"Alright, the Ogre God Nation Group will charge from the front. I’ll infiltrate from the rear. Everyone else, follow the instructions of your respective squad leaders."
"Alcohol—!"
Ah, right, the Ogre God Nation forces were the drinking group.
The Ogre God Nation warriors charged the hideout.
"Hyah-ha! Oraaa! Where's the food?!"
Ogre God Nation warriors who had mastered Space Marine Combat Arts were essentially the ultimate lifeforms.
They deployed their personal shields and charged straight through a hail of gunfire.
"Gwahahahaha! Food! Booze!"
The bandits tried to return fire, but it was far too late.
They were simply beaten to a pulp.
Eddy and his team moved in from the side.
"Detonate!"
They blew a hole in the wall with a timed explosive and surged inside.
"Rice and flour are top priority! Secure the staple foods at all costs!"
I honestly couldn't tell which side were the bandits anymore.
Even Eddy was acting like this.
As for me, the culturally refined Archduke, I entered from the back and began soundlessly neutralizing the enemy.
I circled behind them and—tighten—choked them out with a towel.
Then I restrained them with cable ties.
For some reason, a filming drone was following me closely.
Is this really okay?
I'm not doing any flashy action scenes this time.
The Imperial Guard members were systematically crushing everyone in their path.
Against opponents of this caliber, bare hands were more than enough.
I continued to advance smoothly.
I ran into a bandit who tried to point a pistol at me, so I used a towel soaked in snow as a whip to knock it out of his hand.
I couldn't be bothered to fight seriously against people of this level.
Feeling a bit annoyed, I slapped his face with the wet towel whip as well.
He fainted instantly.
That was my side of the operation.
Then, there was the girls' group.
Rikochi blew a hole in the wall with a rocket launcher.
"Food—!"
The feral women surged inside.
They neutralized the enemies with terrifying speed.
There was no mercy to be found.
They truly, physically beat them into the ground.
Not even a blade of grass would grow where those women had walked.
Claire, Ren, and even Melissa.
They had been transformed into looters by their stomachs.
The only ones with any sense of decorum left were Tatiana and One-oh-one, though that was mostly because they were literally "eating grass on the side of the road."
Meanwhile, Shiyun was inside the tank with Wifey.
Oh right, the tank. I'd forgotten about it.
"Lord Groom!"
Ah, crap!
"Fire!"
Well, it was a snow-spec model, so the armament wasn't that heavy, but...
She fired the main cannon anyway.
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
The bandits began running around in tears.
"D-d-d-don't kill us!"
Kaboom!
"Higieeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Kaboom!
"S-stop it!"
Kaboom!
Merciless shelling rained down upon the idiots.
Hahahaha!
I could only laugh.
After a while, we moved into the deepest part of the facility.
There, the Imperial Guard discovered something unthinkable.
"Your Majesty. It's children."
"Excuse me?"
When we headed to the basement, we found children locked in cages.
"Ah, er, I'm the King. Is everyone... okay?"
I was flustered too!
To the point of making such a lame, awkward greeting!
The children saw me and started wailing all at once.
"It's the real King!"
"Ah, yeah, I'm the real deal. Why are you all in a place like this?"
"A man I didn't know brought me here... waaaaaah!"
My half-joking attitude vanished instantly.
"Fairy, were you watching? Contact the police, the Child Advocacy Bureau, and the Pirate Guild immediately. Send a message: 'I told you I'd kill anyone involved in human trafficking, didn't I?'"
"Roger that!"
"All forces, we have rescued hostages! They're children! Prioritize their protection!"
Up until now, we had been snapping at each other while still maintaining a bit of levity... but in an instant, every trace of a smile vanished from our faces.