"Rikochi, look out! Pulse rifles are barely doing a thing!"
A correspondence came in from Eddy-kun.
Androids—they were definitely androids. Looking at a torso I'd just torn open, I could see there wasn't a single organ inside. No human parts at all. As I suspected, they weren't people.
It was generally considered a bad move to undergo mechanized cyborg surgery just for physical enhancement. If you mechanized beyond a certain threshold—limbs were one thing, but if you started replacing internal organs—your lifespan would inevitably plummet. Immune system failure, sudden death... the more mechanical parts you added, the shorter your life became. It was an inescapable fate.
That was why Zork chose to pursue the mutation of biological parts rather than the mechanization of the human body. And it was why the Zen God Race had created these humanoid drones.
Humanoid drones themselves had existed for a long time, but they had never been much use in actual combat. In the end, it was always more efficient to deploy specialized drones for specific tasks alongside human operators.
I reached out and seized an android by the face.
"Don't underestimate me!"
I squeezed, crushing its head between my fingers.
"Boss Riko is insane!" "I'm in love!" "Lady Riko is amazing!"
For some reason, the Ogre God Nation women in the Sakazaki Personal Guard Knight Order broke into high-pitched cheers. Why... why was I only ever popular with the girls?
The Ogre God Nation men were actually recoiling. I heard them whispering things like, "Gulp..." and "As expected of Lady Riko..." and "Is she even human?"
As for the male vassals I'd brought from the Galactic Empire, they were impressed in a completely different, wrong-headed direction. "Well, she is Lady Riko," they nodded. "Truly the paragon of a warrior."
Meanwhile, the female vassals from the Empire were delighted. "Riko-chan is so cool!" they squealed.
They were already calling me "-chan." Whatever. I didn't really have a grasp on "noble dignity" anyway.
A swarm of androids lunged toward us. I punched one square in the jaw, and the moment its components rattled loose, I shoved a plasma grenade into its mouth. Then I grabbed it between its legs, hoisted it over my shoulder, and hurled it with everything I had.
It slammed into the oncoming pack. A second later, the grenade detonated.
I stepped through the smoke and dust, cracking my knuckles. A half-destroyed android lunged at me from the haze, but I swatted it aside with a backfist. Another one, missing its lower half, tried to cling to my leg; I crushed it under my heel. They were certainly persistent, if nothing else.
The Ogre God Nation knights were handling things calmly. It seemed blunt weapons like metal clubs were more effective here than bare fists. Well, my fists worked just fine.
An android suddenly appeared right in front of me. As it reached out to grab me, I knocked its arms upward and drove an elbow strike into its torso from a low stance. With its balance shattered, I swept its legs from the side—a Modified Side Tackle. I slammed it into the floor head-first and stomped its skull into scrap.
Several more leaped at me from behind. I knew they were coming. I grabbed one by the throat and used its body as a club to bash another one away. Then I squeezed the neck I was holding, crushing the internal wiring until it went limp. It twitched again, so I slammed it against the floor for good measure until it stayed dead.
One more android that I'd struck earlier was hovering nearby, watching for an opening.
"Bring it on," I said, beckoning with my hand.
The android charged. I met it with a kick straight to the gut, sending it flying upward. It ended up impaled on the ceiling.
"S-She's too manly!"
For some reason, the men's eyes were practically sparkling. Excuse me, I'm a woman.
"Listen up, you bastards! Learn the ways of Manhood from Lady Riko!"
"I told you, I'm a woman!"
"Show them the Manhood of the Sakazaki Personal Guard Knight Order!"
"Listen to me!"
"Uoooohhhhhhhh!"
For reasons beyond my comprehension, the men began throwing themselves into hand-to-hand combat with the androids. Look, the only reason I wasn't using my minigun or urumi was because we were indoors!
Some swung hammers, while others challenged the machines with bare knuckles. Even when the shields on their helmets cracked, they kept trading blows. I had power assistance in my suit, for heaven's sake! They didn't need to force themselves into a brawl like this.
"If you're a man, it's Stegoro!"
"Stop it!"
My attempts to restrain them were ignored. This was no longer a battlefield; it had become a sacred ritual ground where men—Imperial and Ogre God alike—aimed to prove their Manhood.
How did it end up like this?! Tell me, what did I do wrong?!
"Uoooohhhhhhhh!"
The men, now excessively brave, engaged in a chaotic melee with the machines. Some used a Secret Art Passed Down to a Single Successor from their families, while others literally invented a New Finishing Move in the heat of the moment.
"I-Is that the Finishing Move Passed Down Through the Ancient Royal Family of the Ogre God Nation?!"
"Y-You recognize it?!"
They were having the time of their lives. The women, meanwhile, just watched them and laughed. "Men are such idiots, aren't they?" they said, while calmly dismantling androids with shotguns and ballistic weaponry.
Was my entire guard just a bunch of battle maniacs?
As we tore through the androids, Eddy-kun's unit finally came into view.
"We're here to help!" I shouted.
Eddy-kun stared at the chaos and yelled back, "What the hell happened in the last five minutes?!"
I didn't know. We had one guy using a secret art from an ancient dynasty, another using a single-successor assassination style, and others inventing moves on the fly. Don't look at me; I had just as many questions as he did.
Eddy-kun's squad had their combat suits torn to shreds. That made sense; that was how a normal fight went. In contrast, my knights—especially the men—were a bunch of morons who had stripped off their own armor by choice. They were covered in blood, but they looked incredibly satisfied with themselves.
I was absolutely not letting them back on the ship until they were decontaminated. And they were getting a massive lecture later.
"Heh... this blood is the badge of a man pursuing Manhood!"
Shut up!
Another swarm of androids arrived, but we pulverized them with overwhelming force.
"S-So this is... Leo Kamishiro's Executioner Squad..."
"Their caliber is just on a different level..."
It wasn't about caliber! They were just freaks! And hey, you over there! Stop waving that flag with "Manhood" written on it in that incredibly bold font! I don't know where that even came from!
And so, thanks to our... efforts, the android unit was wiped out. Eddy-kun’s face had gone completely blank.
Don't worry, Eddy. Even as their commander, I have no idea what's going on either.
I, Riko Sakazaki, have recently started to feel like my wedding day is drifting further and further into the distant future. I haven't done anything wrong. There shouldn't be anything wrong with me!
Help me, Leo-kun! I just want to get married!
"Oh, Eddy-kun. Do you know anyone you could introduce me to?"
Why are you suddenly silent? Why are you just smiling and looking away? Tell me why!