I swapped over to my Wifey’s battleship and made my triumphant return to outer space!
Hey, hey!
My first order of business was shopping at Cervantes’ shop in the Battle Dome. I stocked up on an absurd amount of snacks and cooking ingredients. I’d already pre-ordered several hundred kilograms of hotcake mix, which they were kind enough to deliver to the dome and help load into the ship.
I also spent a fair bit of my own pocket money on sweets. It was supposed to feel like a reckless spending spree, but even after all that, I still hadn't spent anywhere near as much as Isono did on his sports car.
Speaking of logistics, people in the Ogre God Nation and Latarnia often ask about shipping delays and transport issues. It turns out it's just like any other business trouble: you get a refund or a replacement for cancellations, or they ask you to wait. At worst, they’ll move heaven and earth to make the deadline. They’re strict about debts, but surprisingly flexible when it comes to unforeseen accidents. ...Or maybe they just trust us that much?
Regardless, the loading went smoothly. Thanks to Tatiana’s barrier, we didn't have to worry about Ghouls. Actually, the Ghoul Problem had become quite a headache. Just when I thought eradication was impossible, it turned out I was right. We have Tatiana’s barrier, but for now, she’s the only one who can activate it. That means we can’t exactly place one on every single planet.
On top of that, there’s an opposition group made up of conspiracy theorists. The Ogre God Nation, Latarnia, and the Taikyoku Nation are all cracking down on them, but they keep popping up like weeds. It’s likely the work of another major power. The Empire’s manual even lists a sabotage tactic for rebellious planets: "Regardless of whether they are pro- or anti-Empire, actively fund factions with low intelligence to stir up public opinion." This was likely a massive version of that.
They aren't being funded because they hate Tatiana. They’re being funded because they’re too stupid to be reasoned with. The goal is simply to cause chaos. If one of those factions actually gains power or defeats a local lord, that's just an unexpected bonus—the sponsors just shift the script to exploit the new situation. It’s the modern way to manufacture a Traitor.
You don’t find many wicked nobles selling out their country for gold or family ties anymore. These new traitors don't even realize what they are. In fact, they think they’re patriots. They just have no sense of direction and even less ability. All they do is bleed their country's resources dry. That’s the new breed of traitor.
Man, the art of creating traitors has really been refined. It’s the kind of thing that’s worth studying for future use. To that end, I decided to start investing in some "patriotic" traitors in the surrounding countries. My first target was the Chronos Nation, which borders the Taikyoku Nation.
The Chronos Nation is a democracy. They have no king. They’re one of the smaller major powers, but their economy is decent. We already have proof they’ve been engaged in some petty sabotage against us. Am I going to protest? Of course not. I’m just going to sabotage them right back. If they complain, I’ll just throw the evidence in their faces and interrogate them. Hahaha!
Eventually, we arrived at Planet Proone. I decided not to meet with the children there this time after the mess I made before. It seems they’re currently undergoing "Latarnian-style Kejime Education." We’d taken a scholar’s advice that it would be better for them to be educated by a neighboring culture.
The spaceport was located on a station in satellite orbit. As soon as I arrived, a chill ran down my spine. What was that?
"Le~o~kyu~n♪"
Goddammit. It was Katori-sensei.
"Sensei, I’m exhausted today, so maybe we can do this—"
"I heard everything, you know. I heard Riko-chan finally caught up to you."
His eyes were bloodshot.
"Well, yeah! I’m terrible against the Urumi!"
"Hahaha! I appreciate the honesty. Well, I made something similar out of industrial-grade wire. I’ve been practicing too! I worked quite hard, despite my age!"
And so, I was toyed with by Katori-sensei and then discarded. Literally. Getting hit with a thick whip made of industrial wire is enough to kill a man! I don't care if we're wearing Combat Suits, sparring like that makes no sense! My helmet was dented, and the shield was shattered to pieces. I hate this!
I wasn't the only victim, though. Eddie and the newlywed pair, Isono and Nakajima, were also sprawled out on the floor.
"Rikochi’s weapon is way too broken!" Eddie barked. The shield on his helmet was also smashed to bits.
I lay there spread-eagled on the floor. "I know, right? Even if you try to block it with a shield, the shield just breaks. If you try to close the distance, she’s got the daggers. And in a real fight, she’d be blasting away with a minigun."
"Well, it’s also because I’m a genius! Gwahahaha!" Katori-sensei laughed, looking quite pleased with himself. Meanwhile, the shields Eddie and I had been using were lying snapped in half on the ground.
"I guess the weakness is that you can't control it precisely, so you'd end up hitting your own allies in a Group Battle?" Isono had given up early after his Naginata was snapped. He’d had his helmet cracked before that, though, so he was in just as much pain as the rest of us.
"She’s too strong in a duel..." Nakajima muttered. She’d tried swinging her hammer, but it was a total loss. Even the protectors on her Combat Suit were cracked. If it hadn’t been us, we’d have been seriously injured! What is wrong with you, Katori-sensei?!
"Hmm, so even the Lord Groom has someone he’s poor against," my Wifey noted, nodding from the corner of the dojo.
"No, Your Majesty. It’s not that Leo is bad at it; it’s just a matter of weapon compatibility," Katori-sensei corrected.
"Katori-sensei! If you knew that, then why am I face-down on the floor?!"
"It’s a father’s love! I wanted to help you overcome your weakness!"
"Liar! You’re definitely lying!"
"Fine, I’m lying. If I find a weakness of yours, of course I’m going to exploit it to the fullest!"
"You Ogre! You Demon!"
I burst into tears. "Wifey, Sensei is being mean to me!" I cried, clinging to my beloved wife.
"But, Lord Groom... if you were to die, the Galactic Empire would fall apart. I need you to be the strongest in the universe. That goes for Eddie, Isono, and Nakajima, too. Keep training."
"Gyaaaaaaaaaah!"
This is what happens the moment I get back to outer space! Our youth is being consumed by these muscle-brained, gorilla-like memories. The strongest... the Path of Manhood. This is basically a death-loop game, isn't it? It’s pure survival bias!
Whatever! I’m going to take all this frustration out on the Chronos Nation!