Between the wedding, the ruin excavations, and Rikochi’s photo shoot, the "vacation" had been... well, what was a vacation again?
Anyway, my half-work, half-vacation finally came to an end.
Shiyun had launched a commercial venture with the Taikyoku Nation, and she’d partnered with the Kamishiro Group as her first trading associate.
I mean, seriously! Only the Kamishiro Group was willing to take that kind of risk. It was a lamentable state of affairs.
That said, the Kamishiro Group had already teamed up with several other adventurous major trading companies. The ones with a taste for risk had already expanded into deep space.
In the chemical sector, we decided to conduct joint research on the bio-metal Kachiya had given us, bringing Latarnia and the Ogre God Nation into the project. It was a mystery how this became one of my achievements when I hadn't actually done anything. The life of a high-ranking government official was a terrifying thing!
We headed for Planet Sanctuary.
Our spaceship’s travel speed had improved, thanks to technology provided by Latarnia. A spaceport colony had been constructed near the Gate by Planet Sanctuary to handle quarantine and departure procedures. Even His Majesty the Emperor wasn't exempt from the process.
From there, we transferred to a warship.
For some reason, a Departure Ceremony was held. Imperial citizens were as fond of big events as ever. Wifey read the script while the head of the organization managing Planet Sanctuary and I stood behind her.
Shiyun sat in the foreign dignitary section, while the Zork Mother, One-oh-one, was seated with the invited guests.
Only Tatiana—who had essentially become a Schrödinger's Officer with a rank that fluctuated between Warrant Officer and Major—sat in the military section with everyone else.
It couldn't be helped. She didn't have enough credits from the military academy for a commission as a Second Lieutenant, nor did she meet the age requirement. On the other hand, she was a foreign Saint. She was an individual of immense religious importance. We couldn't keep her as a Non-commissioned Officer or a Warrant Officer forever.
Opinions like "At least make her a Field Officer!" clashed with "Let's not force a child who hasn't even finished her schooling to work."
Many people eventually suggested, "Why don't we just make her a Specialist Major?"
I cast my vote for Specialist Major. That way, I could immediately dump work on her. I didn't mind being scum. I was a Brigadier General, after all. I didn't want to work.
I had already pawned off half my workload onto Eddie, who was a Colonel, but Rikochi, a Lieutenant Colonel, was far too busy as the head of the Military Police to help me.
The Military Police... the sheer volume of paperwork they handled was lethal. Even though our fleet was highly civilized, the amount of bureaucracy was enough to kill a man. The other Majors were all occupied with their own duties as well.
I needed more Lieutenant Colonels and Colonels... Honestly, even just more Majors would have sufficed. Regardless, I just wanted to reduce my workload. My eyes were practically bloodshot from the thought.
Anyway, the discovery of the ruins had forced a change in plans. I no longer needed to make a homecoming trip to my parents' house. There were no issues with Big Brother Sam's governance, so the only real problem would have been my mother.
She was my father's First Wife.
"Maman! I love you so much!"
That definitely wasn't our dynamic. That old hag had outsourced the upbringing of my brothers and me to the steward, the residents, and even childcare drones.
However, she had drummed common sense into us—never lie, never make excuses, and live manfully. She’d enforced it with an iron fist, too. Thanks to that, I grew up into a man who lied and made excuses constantly. (Picks nose)
Mama! How do you like me now?! (I made double peace signs with a blank stare)
For what it was worth, she did seem to consider me her son. I was the one who struggled with the distance between us. I mean, I did think of her as my mother, but the dynamic was... complicated. I had pushed aside her biological children to become the Head of House for the main family.
Leo, I don't know how to act around her!
While the paperwork was being processed, a message arrived from her.
"Why did you not return home?"
She was in a foul mood right from the start.
"I can't give you the details because it involves a classified operation, but an incident occurred."
In truth, nothing but incidents had been occurring.
"...I see. I suppose that happens. Well then, one more thing: where are the children?!"
"I'm the one who's exercising restraint here!"
I haven't gone past kissing yet! I've been holding back with an iron will until the Doctor gives me the go-ahead!
"Now listen, Leo. You must make your women happy!"
"That indirect attack on Dad is a total Overkill!"
"That man... I have already given up on him. Just make sure you do not end up like your father! Do you understand?!"
"I get it already!"
It seemed my father had been officially branded a lost cause.
"A real man should be willing to die for the ones he loves!"
Ah, yeah. My personality was definitely a result of that old hag’s influence. I finally understood.
"I have heard the news, you know. Lady Claire, Lady Melissa, Lady Ren, and even Lady Tatiana, Lady One-oh-one, and that foreign princess... I even heard you laid hands on a former man..."
"Anyone after Ren is just baseless gossip!"
"Listen to me, Leo!"
I tried to protest, but she wasn't listening. Mom continued.
"Since you were born a man, you must make all of them happy!"
Damn it! My mother's ideological education was the reason I turned out like this! God damn it!
"Do not become like your father."
"By the way, Mother, where exactly are you getting this information?"
That was my biggest question. My gossip was everywhere, but her information was oddly specific.
"From everyone directly, of course! Only Kevin-chan denied it, but I see potential there!"
"What the hell are you doing?!"
Her intelligence-gathering skills—or rather, her communication skills—were terrifyingly high. I almost wanted her as a subordinate.
"Listen! For the sake of His Majesty the Emperor, you must become the Best Man in the Universe!"
You want me to run up the Path of Manhood?! No, I don't want to!
I'll definitely die, so I refuse!
I've already come close to death more times than I can count, so I absolutely refuse!
After that exhausting exchange, I dragged myself toward the Dining Hall, feeling utterly drained.
Food... must eat. Me... make...
I was practically ceasing to be human by the time I arrived. Even though this was supposed to be a passenger ship, our cooking equipment had already been set up. Rice was cooking. Miso and soy sauce were ready.
I would make Kawagon Grilled Rice Balls.
I shaped the rice, brushed on the miso, and grilled them on a wire mesh. I made sure to wear gloves while shaping them to prevent food poisoning. I-It's not like I'm doing this for your sake or anything!
Thanks to that nonsensical tsundere internal monologue, my sanity finally returned. I made some with soy sauce as well as miso.
While I was cooking, One-oh-one and the others showed up.
"Please give me some, de-ari-masu!"
"Here you go. I haven't made any side dishes yet."
I knew I was going to get shaken down for food. That’s why I was making extra.
Hmm, maybe I'll whip up some miso soup and tamagoyaki too.