First, we all sat down to fill our bellies.
We dug into our lunch boxes.
I was truly grateful to Suematsu-san for even thinking to bring a blue tarp along!
The meal was a Makunouchi Bento—and a quite luxurious one at that. He had managed to procure something of a quality fit for the Emperor himself on incredibly short notice.
The chefs at the lord’s manor were almost too competent.
Even while eating, Berger-san seemed unable to take his eyes off the small shrine.
"There is tea as well!" Suematsu-san called out, taking the lead in distributing the drinks.
He was a knight capable of handling all the logistical backend tasks we struggled with. Honestly, I wanted one of him for every planet.
Wifey was eating in silence, likely because the flavor was to her liking.
As for the possibility of poison, Kevin’s drones had already completed their inspection, and nothing had been detected. My own nanomachines hadn't reacted, either. It was safe to assume the people at the manor were on our side.
Furthermore, Tatiana was setting up ghoul barriers in the areas she visited. Our plan was to focus the installations around the major spaceports formerly controlled by the Duke Association. I didn't think the ghouls would make it this far, but it was a necessary precaution. Since everyone had to pass through a barrier when traveling via the Battle Dome anyway, this was really just to be safe.
It wasn't a foolproof solution for every location, but we were also establishing Zashiki-warashi-chan's branch shrines. It was a backup plan for the backup plan. We’d make it work somehow.
It looked like we would be building a branch shrine here at the Tachibana Main House as well. We didn't plan to destroy the existing small shrine, though. Instead, we’d found a vacant lot near the spaceport—just barely large enough for a house, but too small for a shop—and planned to build the new one there.
Regardless, the Saikyo-yaki cod in the lunch box was delicious. The tempura was excellent, too. I finished my meal in no time. It was nice to have a moment like this once in a while. Although, I knew that once we got home, everyone would be hungry again and start demanding that I make takoyaki.
With our stomachs mostly satisfied—at about sixty percent capacity—we began the investigation. I noticed that no one was reaching for their nutrition bars. The gluttons were clearly expecting me, Kevin, or Nina-san to cook something once we returned!
Suematsu-san headed back to the lord’s manor first to dispose of the trash.
"If you're investigating a small shrine, you'll surely need Humanoid Heavy Machinery. I shall go fetch it," he said before departing.
It was transparently obvious that he just didn't want to climb those long stairs again on foot. Still, he was taking care of every detail we’d overlooked, so I had no complaints. I genuinely admired his foresight. I’d wanted to become that kind of adult, but I felt like I'd already veered onto a life path where that was no longer an option.
Now, for the investigation itself.
First, we used Kevin’s spider-type drone to confirm there were no bee-type Zorks inside. Opening a door only to be swarmed by bees is a common enough trope, but it’s a total nightmare in reality. We began filming the interior.
Inside, I saw some kind of strange statue.
"Hmm, no sign of a beehive," Kevin reported. "There are spiderwebs, but it looks like the owner moved out a long time ago."
"Right. I’m opening it up, then," Melissa announced.
As the lord of this land, Melissa was the one to do the honors. Even if the residents complained, the lord had the right. Besides, we’d checked the shrine’s records, and no administrator was registered. When a shrine is unregistered, the lord is designated as the administrator by default. There had been plenty of time for someone to register themselves before Melissa and I arrived. They had no grounds for complaint.
Besides, the Emperor himself was present! And yet, they had the nerve to act like that!
Wifey didn't see herself as an absolute, tyrannical ruler. That was why she was willing to overlook their blatant rudeness. Deep down, she probably just didn't care. Back in the Maro Era, however, they couldn't have complained even if she’d burned the whole town to the ground. Those Maros didn't give a damn about the law.
Huffing with indignation, I pulled open the small shrine.
Inside... well, it was certainly unexpected. An uncannily mechanical humanoid device sat enshrined within. It looked less like a human and more like a Dogu clay figure. If this were a movie about a certain robotic cat from the future, this would have been the moment we encountered a boss-level enemy.
"What is this?"
I reached out to touch it, but Berger-san caught my arm.
"Please do not touch it, Your Excellency the Grand Duke. Look here."
He pointed to a set of markings.
"In the language of the Zen God Race, it says 'Mainland.'"
"Mainland! The Kingdom of the Ghouls!"
That was a term that had come up a long time ago. I’d completely forgotten about it.
"Yes, that Mainland. Please be cautious."
"So... what exactly is this device?"
"It is used for the brainwashing of local lifeforms."
A cold chill ran down my spine.
"The Zorks are the clearest example," Berger continued. "While they represent the pinnacle of biological evolution, what of individual happiness? No one finds joy in that existence. Why would they make such a foolish choice?"
"...Brainwashing by the Zen God Race?"
"Precisely. To be specific, it is a device designed to strip away one's capacity for independent thought."
I felt like I finally understood why Aoi-san had been reduced to a brain in a jar.
"And why did you tell me not to touch it?"
"Security measures. There might be an explosive charge."
"I see... So what’s the plan?"
"I will deactivate the security system."
As he spoke, Berger-san grasped his own left index finger. He gave it a sharp twist with his other hand, and the finger came away, revealing the machinery beneath.
"Half of my body is mechanized. If I extend a probe from here..."
It was probably something similar to what the Fairy used.
"Fairy! Can you deactivate it remotely?" I asked.
"I cannot! This is a standalone device!"
Even the Fairy couldn't do it. We had to leave it to Berger. Thin, tentacle-like wires extended from his finger and snaked into the device.
"Beginning deactivation... There. It’s done."
The wires retracted into his finger with a mechanical whir, and Berger-san immediately replaced the finger’s cover.
"Your Excellency the Grand Duke. Please destroy it."
"Huh?"
"Destroy the device. I will be unable to move for a short while..."
I drew my katana and slashed through the device. The Dogu and the small shrine were sliced clean in half.
"Ah, a Shrine Destruction RTA," Melissa noted.
A cold sweat broke out over my body. I’d just destroyed the shrine of a Village of Evil Customs!
"Boob's Thin Sauce!"
"It's Yokoyama!!!"
"This Month's Issue!!!"
I heard the shouts of villagers nearby—voices I felt like I’d heard somewhere before. Why were they shouting in Spanish?! They all looked like middle-aged Japanese men and women!
Wifey placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"Lord Groom... give it up. This is simply the destiny of a Jester."
"Waaah! Everyone, protect Wifey with everything you've got! And Berger-san and Shiyun, too!"
"What about you, Captain!?" Tatiana yelled.
"I'll hold them back!"
It was an absurd development, yet I had no choice but to laugh.