I exchanged greetings with Melissa’s family. No sooner had I finished than her older brother cornered me.
“His Excellency the Grand Duke. A word, if I may.”
Oh boy, his eyes were dead serious!
He led Melissa and me to a dojo and thrust a wooden sword into my hands.
“I would be honored if His Excellency would grant me a lesson!”
Ah, so that was it. That’s why he looked so intense. Since it was just a duel, I could relax.
“If it’s just one exchange,” I agreed. If I were training with Katori-sensei, the match wouldn't end until I was half-dead, so a single strike sounded fine to me.
“By the way, are you sure you want to use wooden swords?”
“Eh?”
I suppose words wouldn’t be enough to explain my concern.
“Then, come at me whenever you’re ready.”
I took a lower guard. I wasn’t trying to be fancy or lecture him on the virtues of defensive stances; it was simply the safest position to hold.
“Uooooooooooooooo!”
Melissa’s older brother was a high-ranking Imperial practitioner. He clearly understood that he had to strike with the intent to kill. He brought the wooden sword down toward my head with everything he had.
In response, I swung my own wooden sword upward from below.
There was a sharp, clean sound.
The wooden sword was sliced in two. Not snapped—cleaved. I had cut through wood with wood.
Well, my own sword didn’t exactly come out unscathed. It broke under the force of the impact. I felt like if I could just learn to relax my muscles more, I might be able to cut the opponent’s sword without breaking mine. I still had much to learn.
“C-Captain… he cut a wooden sword…”
“Next, I’ll have to see if I can do that with a bamboo sword,” I remarked. Those were light and flexible, so it was much harder. They tended to just bounce off. I’d have to strike with such explosive speed that the impact had no time to dissipate. It was a difficult feat.
“I… I admit complete defeat…”
“B-Big bro! Don’t take it so hard! You just picked the wrong opponent!” Melissa chimed in. “The Captain has been fighting non-stop since then! His combat experience is just off the charts!”
She hit the nail on the head. My talent wasn’t anything to write home about. It was just that my combat experience—the sheer number of times I had gambled with my life—was abnormal. That, and having a freak like Katori-sensei as a teacher.
“No need to comfort me, Melissa… I knew I couldn’t win. I just didn’t realize the gap was this vast.”
“Big bro…”
“His Excellency the Grand Duke. Please, make Melissa happy.”
“Of course! Right, Melissa?”
“You bet! Big bro, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!”
Eddie was practically vibrating with a desire to fight, so I handed the baton over to him. I headed off to the theme park with Melissa and the others; I was sure Eddie would catch up soon enough.
The theme park was the height of chaos. It was a bizarre mash-up of period drama and Western sets, where ninjas, samurai, and cowboys all wandered the same streets. During the Sengoku Show, the cast members staged a full-scale battle on horseback. It was impressive—they really went all out.
“Hey, Melissa.”
“What’s up?”
“How about we build a theme park like this? Somewhere around Latarnia. You can be the president.”
“Sure! I am the daughter of a theme park owner, after all. Captain, want to try blowing the conch shell?”
She handed me one from the conch shell experience booth. I gave it a go.
Bwoooom!
It made a surprisingly deep, resonant sound.
“Wait, you did it on your first try?! That’s supposed to be really hard!”
Was it? As I stood there wondering, One-oh-one began looking around restlessly.
“Is it time for battle, sir?!”
Ah, it looked like One-oh-one’s combat switch had been flipped.
“It’s not. Do you want to try, One-oh-one?”
“I shall try, sir!!!”
Pusss.
Nothing.
“…This is difficult, sir.”
We continued our tour of the park. In the Western area, they had an authentic rodeo machine. The challenge was to stay on the back of a bucking horse robot for eight seconds using only one hand. But for a humanoid fighter pilot, this was child’s play!
“Guhahahaha!”
“Amazing! He’s not even budging! Go, Captain!”
“Go for it, Leo!”
With cheers from Melissa and Claire, I cleared the machine's Nightmare Mode. Hah! Easy!
“I won’t lose to you, Leo!”
Isono hopped on the rodeo machine next. By then, Eddie had joined us, looking remarkably refreshed. He took a turn as well. Both of them cleared it without much trouble.
Then there was Nakajima. “I can do this with no hands, no prob—GYAAAAAAHHHHH!”
I really think she needs to get seriously injured at least once to learn her lesson.
“Horsies! Horsies!”
Next was the horse riding experience in the ranch area. One-oh-one, Tatiana, and Shiyun were in their element, looking perfectly content. Claire rode with practiced ease.
“I used to ride all the time back home,” she explained. Even though she came from an agricultural planet, her experience was clearly different from mine. The only things I ever seemed to ride were bears or monsters.
“Are you not going to ride, Captain?” One-oh-one asked curiously.
I tried to approach one of the horses.
Whieeeegh!
The horse bolted. For as long as I could remember, herbivores always treated me like a predator and refused to let me near them.
“It’s the same for me, Darling,” Ren said. It seemed her inner beast had also spooked the animals.
However, the atmosphere shifted entirely when we reached the bear ranch.
“For some reason, all the brown bears are gathering just to look at the Captain, sir!”
“They’re waving!”
“Gyahahaha! They think you’re one of them!”
Weren’t they being a bit harsh? These were the comrades I’d shared life-and-death struggles with.
“What about you, Ren?”
“The usual. They run away from me… although the lions always come close.”
It seemed Ren was popular with the big cats. I, on the other hand, was popular with wild beasts in general. I have no idea why. The wolves were rolling over to show me their bellies, whining and whimpering.
“Big Boss~. Play with us, Big Boss~.”
“Ren, stop the voice-overs.”
“Leo… why are you so popular with monsters?” Claire asked, clearly baffled.
“I, too, find it a mystery,” Wifey added.
“I have no idea.”
I was the most confused of all. There are some things you just can’t understand about yourself.
“Well, no matter. Whatever the reason, the Lord Groom is still the Lord Groom.”
And that was that. We spent the rest of the day thoroughly enjoying the theme park. We left with plenty of souvenirs: Kenshin-kun Burritos and Nobunaga-kun Juices. I also took a bunch of Masamune-kun Gummies off their hands—they’d been sitting in the warehouse because they were too unpopular to sell. Apparently, the fruit punch flavor was so psychedelic that no one wanted them.
I figured they might actually sell in Latarnia. I bought out their entire stock and had it shipped there. We could just dump them in the clearance bins by the registers. The expiration dates were still a long way off.
Everything was going great. Up until this point, there hadn't been a single bit of trouble; it felt like a genuine vacation.
But that was destined to change the moment we set foot in our own territories.
Unaware of what awaited us, we continued our journey home.
I mean, who would have thought that forces from outer space had already begun their move on our turf?"}