That day, we were holding a joint birthday party for Wifey, myself, and anyone else with a birthday in the same general vicinity—loosely defined as being within a three-month window.
Even the graduate students were getting into the spirit, sporting sparkling party hats.
"Your Majesty! Happy birthday!!! Whoo-hoo!!!"
Isono set off a party cracker.
"And to the rest of you scum! Happy birthday!!!"
Nakajima followed suit with a cracker of his own.
In response, everyone began pelting the idiot duo with paper scraps.
A disco ball overhead bathed the room in spinning lights.
I was currently wearing a Panama hat that glowed in shifting RGB colors and a pair of ridiculous-looking sunglasses.
Rounding out the look were a jacket and pants that shone with a metallic gold luster, like a stage comedian's costume.
In that getup, I was manning a DJ controller to provide the background music.
"Captain... you really can do everything, can't you?"
Melissa watched me, her expression one of pure exasperation.
"That’s where you’re wrong. This is just what happens when you fail at piano as a kid and give up on the guitar at the Imperial Junior Academy."
Chunibyo—it was a path everyone walked at some point.
Whether it was sports or music, I suppose the world was simply divided between those who were chosen and those who weren't.
Even with the DJing, it would have been a pathetic performance if not for the AI-assisted app the Fairy had built for me.
"...The fact that you still won't give up is what's truly impressive."
"Fufufu, I have a poor-man's mentality! Once I've invested the capital, I refuse to quit until I've gotten my money's worth!"
Which essentially meant I was disqualified from being an investor since I couldn't cut my losses.
While we were making complete fools of ourselves, Piggett and Katori-sensei were having a much more subdued gathering in a corner of the vast dining hall.
Oh, look at that. They'd brought out the Handy Karaoke and were singing.
That looks like a good time!
Fine then! We’re going to keep the energy up over here too!
"Wheee!"
We were enjoying a brief, blissful moment of peace.
But then, an alarm suddenly shrieked through the air.
A combat alert!
Under normal circumstances, you’d expect a group of idiots in their late teens to just ignore it and keep the party going.
Unfortunately, we were all veteran soldiers with far too much combat experience.
We shifted into Work Mode in an instant.
I sprinted toward the exit, shedding my comedian costume as I went. Diving into the locker room next to the dining hall in nothing but my underwear, I threw on my combat suit and rushed back out.
The girls were remarkably forgiving of the boys running around in their underwear at times like this. It was a kind world.
The girls, Kevin included, eventually rejoined us, though they had opted to change inside the lockers rather than stripping on the move.
"W-What happened?!"
I directed the question at Wifey, Piggett, Katori-sensei, and Raven, who had stayed in the dining hall.
The large display on the wall was broadcasting a continuous loop of bombing footage from Latania National Broadcasting.
Wifey spoke, her expression grim.
"Lord Groom, listen well. The Taikyoku Nation has launched an attack on the planet where their own Third Prince was residing."
"Why?!"
Even the Duke Association would have handled a purge with more finesse than this.
This was a direct, violent coup d'etat.
"I do not know! Luna is currently investigating the details. Lord Groom, you must contact the Latarnia Ambassador at once!"
"Roger that!"
I bolted for my office.
Since it was nearby, it was faster to run than to wait for a transport cart.
I hailed the ambassador the second I reached my desk.
"Mr. Ambassador, this is Leo. I'm calling regarding the situation with the Taikyoku Nation!"
"His Excellency Leo! It’s a disaster! It seems they intend to annihilate the entire planet on the pretext that the Third Prince was planning a coup!"
"What about Lord Eyens?!"
"He was sheltering the Third Prince on the surface... but all contact has been lost!"
"And Latarnia?"
"The council is currently in emergency session to decide whether or not to launch a rescue operation for the prince!"
Now, what was the best move?
If we received a formal rescue request from either the Third Prince or Old Man Eyens, we could justify an intervention...
Though, ultimately, the final call belonged to Wifey.
"If only we could confirm whether the Third Prince is even alive..."
"Understood! I'll have my comms team on standby. Let's keep the information flowing as it comes in!"
"His Excellency Leo, I am counting on you."
The transmission ended.
This was bad.
They were being far too heavy-handed.
The enemy had clearly stopped caring about optics.
I patched through to Wifey.
"Wifey! Latarnia says they can't get in touch with Old Man Eyens either!"
"Understood! Stay on standby!"
I let out a long sigh.
How did it come to this?
They were being way too aggressive.
Just then, the Fairy appeared via the network.
"Leo-kun! I managed to establish a link with Lord Eyens! I'm bouncing the signal through dozens of civilian networks, so it’s audio-only and very unstable, but hang in there!"
"Do it!"
"...His Excellency... the Grand Duke... this is... Eyens..."
His voice sounded terribly weak.
"Are you safe?!"
"I... somehow managed to survive... Shen shielded me with his own body... Oh, poor Shen..."
Shen... that mohawk guy.
So he was gone.
"What about the Prince?!"
"I will... put him on now. Come, Your Highness..."
"I am Prince Min... the Third Prince of the Taikyoku Nation."
Prince Min’s voice was high-pitched.
He was just a child. Based on the sound of it, he was an elementary schooler—lower grades, maybe even younger.
"I'm glad to hear you're safe! We are currently coordinating a rescue operation with Latarnia! Please, just hold on a little longer!"
That was a lie.
I’d only just found out about the situation myself.
But I needed to give him hope.
"You have my thanks... So what Eyens said was true after all... Both the Emperor and the Empress have... gone strange... Please, I beg of you... save the people..."
"Connection lost!"
"Did you record that?!"
"Got it."
"Yes! That should be enough for an intervention! Wifey!"
"I have received the copy of the file! Forward it to Latarnia at once!"
I sent the file to the Latarnia side.
It was a bit of a forced move, but I was going to use this as our legal pretext to step in.
"His Excellency Leo! I've heard the recording! It looks like the parliament is moving toward intervention under the banner of international citizen protection!"
"Understood!"
I checked back in with Wifey.
"We are intervening under the guise of a humanitarian rescue mission! Lord Groom, can I rely on you?"
"Roger that!"
I keyed the ship-wide intercom.
"Leo Kamishiro and Pleasant Companions! Prepare for battle!"
I’d been stuck doing nothing but administrative work lately, but I was still a combatant at heart!
When I reached the transport station, Claire and the others were already waiting.
"Let's go."
"Right! Our objective is the protection of civilians! Try to keep direct engagement with the Taikyoku Nation forces to a minimum!"
We began our final checks.
Just wait for us.
Min, Old Man Eyens.
We're coming to get you out of there!