“I’m home—”
My wifey had returned.
She’d been living and sleeping in my room lately. She had her own private suite, of course, but she preferred mine. Honestly, wouldn’t it be better if I stayed in her spacious room instead? This was a high-ranking officer’s quarters, so while it was wider than average, it wasn’t exactly a family-sized unit.
“It’s so large over there that it actually makes me feel anxious,” she said, climbing onto the bed.
Well, I’d swapped it out for a double-sized bed, so it was fine.
“I’m exhausted!”
“Roge—r.”
It was massage time.
It was strange... even though we were engaging in plenty of physical contact, it never led to anything erotic. Was this the downside of becoming a family before we’d even had a proper romantic relationship?!
“Lord Groom can do anything~”
I think I’m just avoiding things I’m bad at, dear.
Knead, knead. (Zero eroticism.)
“You’re quite stiff today, ma’am.”
“It is because there is nothing but meetings, you see.”
Her shoulders really were tense. Better work those knots out.
Once the massage was over, my wifey took a bath in the room’s tub, and then it was bedtime.
“Mmm.”
Yes, yes, the goodnight kiss. Chu.
“Mmm♪”
It was... how should I describe it? We had the vibe of a couple that had been dating since they were kids. Even though we weren’t childhood friends. Did this happen because we became family first?
We slept in the same bed. No erotic events occurred.
At this point, even the Court Ladies who worked in her room didn’t complain anymore. They were at the level where they’d silently clean my room during the day. I suppose they were watching over us warmly. This was our nightlife as a married couple. There was no pressure from those around us about when we’d have a child, either.
It wasn’t exactly a worry, but... was this really okay? I was a healthy teenage boy, you know! Even while I fretted over that, my wifey was precious to me. I guess I’d just have to wait a little longer.
This was the reality of the Grand Duke, a man the world imagined was a harem king. Now recruiting personnel capable of pivoting this situation into a spicy development.
Moving on, the next day.
I really was a hopeless case; I fell asleep far too easily. Perhaps it was the nature of a soldier to be able to sleep anywhere. Anyway, the next morning, I was informed of an incident. I was summoned early by an internal broadcast.
“So... what’s this about Isono and Nakajima?”
Eddie looked incredibly awkward.
“They were caught by the Latarnia Police.”
“For what?”
“Apparently, the legal age in Latarnia is twenty.”
“Ah, okay. And?”
“Those idiots tried to go to an erotic shop... and the shop reported them...”
“I’m going to go prostrate myself before the Ambassador.”
I knew they’d pull something like this eventually.
“Why did they have to do it in Latarnia of all places! If it were the Ogre God Nation, this would have ended as a laughing matter!”
“In the Ogre God Nation, they’d probably just be told, ‘Great warrior! Take my daughter as your wife!’, right?”
That was true. They were probably just curious, those damn virgins. I think they just wanted to see what it was like for a second.
Ah, geez! Are they actually stupid?!
I contacted the Ambassador immediately.
“I am so sorry for my men breaking the law! I will see to it they are properly punished!”
I bowed my head repeatedly from the start. To my surprise, the Ambassador just burst out laughing.
“No, no, that sort of thing happens all the time with boys!”
Safe! The verdict was that our promise to “follow their laws” hadn’t been broken! Safe!!! Hyahoo!
“That said... in our country, we usually have the guardians pay a fine in these cases...”
“I will pay it immediately.”
The fine was about the price of a game console. I’d be deducting that from their salaries. Since it was just a fine, it wasn’t treated as a criminal penalty, so it wouldn’t go on their permanent records. However, they were required to perform volunteer labor.
Those absolute idiots!!!
As the person in charge, I decided I would work alongside them.
The two of them were forced to perform cleaning duties at the spaceport wearing sandwich boards that read “I tried to go to an adult establishment even though I am a minor” in the Latarnia Language. I joined them as a sandwich man with a board saying, “I am the person in charge, but I failed in my management.”
I was back in my work clothes.
There we were, the Leo Kamishiro Squad—consisting of Former Officer Academy Students—and other volunteers, doing community service at the Latarnia Spaceport. The Latarnians laughed as they watched us. Honestly, I was just glad it ended as a laughing matter.
Since we went to such lengths, the Latarnia Ambassador even gathered volunteers of his own to join the effort. We made a big show of the friendship between our two nations.
...Why does the Isono-Nakajima Idiot Duo always manage to hit these unintentional home runs? Of course, the Latarnian media treated it as a “silly news” segment.
“Mr. Isono and Mr. Nakajima stated, ‘We visited out of curiosity. We are currently reflecting on our actions’...”
Look! The news is playing even here at the spaceport!!! I’m so embarrassed for them! Oh, and I reported this to their real parents at the speed of light. And their fiancées’ families too.
A response came from House Hanazawa immediately.
“I am heading there at once.”
“Pardon?”
“I am his fiancée, after all.”
...Isono... you’d better prepare for the end. The incredibly cute Lady Hanazawa was clearly livid.
Setting that aside, the cleaning itself was being handled as a friendship-promoting event.
“Hey, Leo! Come on, forgive us~!”
I planted a kick right on Isono’s ass.
“Listen, you! This is only a funny story because the police caught you! If you’d gotten into a brawl or something, you’d be facing a military court right now!”
I was still annoyed, so I kicked Nakajima while I was at it.
“Why me too?!”
“Shut up!”
Do you have any idea how much I had to apologize because of this?! I had to bring boxes of sweets to the local police! I had to bow my head at the Family Court! I had to apologize to the Spaceport Operating Company that runs this place! I had to bow to the Ambassador over and over! I even had to apologize to the Bureau for the Healthy Development of Youth! I even went to the erotic shop with a gift to apologize to them! The ladies there were actually stunning!
Ah—yes, Claire. Please stop poking me with your elbow.
I’d already reported this to Nakajima’s fiancée as well. She said she was coming right away! There will be no freedom for either of you from now on!
By the way, regarding this “Leo Kamishiro Public Humiliation Incident,” the importance of following local norms was effectively communicated down to the last General Soldier. Well, I wasn’t going to lecture soldiers who were considered adults by local standards; they’d just have to take responsibility for themselves if they caused trouble.
And so, we finished picking up trash. Hahaha!
What the hell am I doing in the middle of the Ghoul and Taikyoku Nation crisis? I just didn’t want it to look like we only played the “friendship” card when our people messed up! Though I suppose this was fine since it was just a silly story about some kids getting caught trying to visit a pink shop.
As for the aftermath, Lady Hanazawa eventually arrived. Dressed in her kimono, she looked incredibly refined and elegant. Truly a picture of grace.
Right up until she put Isono in a Boston Crab.
“Oh, Grand Duke. My deepest apologies for this turn of events.”
Isono was tapping out frantically. Yeah... I could definitely leave this idiot in her hands. I was certain of it.
“Um... just don't kill him.”
“Of course!”
When I looked over, Nakajima was already being subjected to an Argentine Backbreaker by his own fiancée. It was good to see everyone was so full of life!