What was supposed to be a simple pirate cleanup was turning into a real headache.
For the time being, I’d hired a small army of the more manageable pirates.
Since I figured they’d just cause trouble in the Ogre God Nation, I decided to open stores all over Latarnia for them to work in.
I hired them before the shops were even built, so there was plenty of time for training. My new former-pirate staff were actually quite disciplined; they were doing business with Latarnians, and they knew the stakes. They understood that causing a scene or pilfering merchandise would be an immediate death flag.
When I think about how far ahead he planned... that old man is my natural enemy.
He’d probably given up on trying to kill me, but his goal was clear: he wanted to create an atmosphere where the people on the ground would say, "Oh, those are Lord Eyens’ men. Let them slide."
And I’m just talking about overlooking petty stuff—smuggling non-dangerous goods, a bit of prostitution, or a casino. You can’t exactly court-martial someone for every minor infraction. In fact, a total lack of flexibility could become its own weakness. Driving a wedge between the police and the citizenry is Sabotage 101. That’s how you make a society rot from within.
Realistically, as long as they aren’t bothering honest civilians, it’s probably fine. And if Lord Eyens is the kingpin for the local red-light districts... well, I have no choice but to play nice.
Bowling isn’t enough to win them over yet. Even with anime, we’re still at the stage of warming them up with Ikkyu-san. I’ve brought in movies, too, but the actors are all Imperial, so the racial difference keeps the films from really sinking in. It’ll take at least ten years to train up a local generation of creators—maybe twenty.
Then there’s Cervantes’s illustrated flyers and in-store POP displays, not to mention those original jingles on loop. Commercial illustrators are starting to emerge in the Ogre God Nation and Latarnia, though they’re still just doing shop flyers for now. That’ll take another twenty years to mature, too.
I guess I’ll just have to collaborate with the Latarnian police in the districts where our stores are. How about a mascot? Maybe "Kejime-kun"? The Otter Who Keeps His Word. He takes kids who break their promises to the batting center and... no, that’s got too much baggage. Rejected.
Anyway, at least one pirate faction has decided to side with me. Man, what a pain. Why couldn’t we have settled this with muscles or physical force?
Just as I was thinking that, a message arrived from the military.
"What is this? Uh, Wifey? Can I come over?"
"What is it?"
"I just got a message that says I’m being promoted to Brigadier General. Is this some kind of joke?"
"It is no joke. If anything, it is only natural."
"There’s no way I can handle a Brigadier General’s workload!"
"...You are already doing it. Wait, Lord Groom... is that really the extent of your self-awareness?"
Say what?
"But I’m still a teenager, de gowasu!" I protested in Wifey’s office. She just sighed.
"Lord Groom. Please, place a hand on your heart and think for a moment."
"I haven't been cheating on you, if that's what you mean."
"I am not worried about that! If you were cheating, I certainly wouldn't be promoting you! Honestly... Lord Groom, what exactly is your job right now?"
"Intelligence and diplomacy? And a little bit of tactical sabotage."
"And which department usually handles intelligence and tactical sabotage?"
"The military... Ah."
"The military is in an uproar. They’re desperate to officially claim Leo Kamishiro for their own."
It seemed I’d overdone it a bit.
"'I’m just a simple soldier,' you said! You had me completely fooled! You’re a grand strategist!"
"I-I’m terrible at commanding large armies! I’m the weakest in my class at Shogi!"
Military strategy is a no-go for yours truly. I’m honestly hopeless at Shogi. I even failed at learning Go once I got to the scoring phase. No matter how many times I read the manual, I couldn't figure out how the winner was determined. I was even bad at the operational simulators at the academy.
"The military’s evaluation of you became set in stone the moment you toppled Proone without shedding a drop of our blood."
"That was mostly luck! And Latarnia’s intervention!"
"Which is why you are a Brigadier General. If the workload is the issue, your administrative duties will actually decrease. You will also retain your position as a field commander."
"Oh, so I still get to do field work? Okay, I’ll take it."
"How on earth did you reach that conclusion...?"
I mean, I can’t imagine not flying a fighter. I’m far too young to retire as a Humanoid Fighter Pilot.
And so, my status as a Nominal Brigadier General was decided.
From a propaganda standpoint, showing that a young person can rise to the top through wartime merit is a good thing. It’s important to show that an elite education in the Imperial Capital isn’t the only path to success. The elites work hard, sure, but it’s not healthy if that’s the only route. People who fall off the elite track would just give up. Giving the common people something to dream of is vital. Working is fun. Marriage is fun. Having kids is fun. This kind of propaganda is essential. The Empire’s chronic low birthrate is a direct result of lacking it.
So, Nominal Brigadier General it was. In corporate terms, it felt like I was a junior executive who was also a department head, a section manager, and a chief clerk at a severely understaffed company. Or, by discount store standards, a part-time assistant store manager who also sat on the board of directors...
The Imperial Army is doomed.
I grumbled to myself as I headed to the battleship’s communal bathroom. Raven-kun was waiting outside. He was my guard, so it couldn't be helped.
Inside, I listened to the call of nature...
Hmm?
I called out to Raven-kun through the door. "There’s something in here."
He rushed in, face pale. I managed to cut off my business mid-stream. I stowed my big gun away without catching it in the zipper. It was big enough that I didn't have to worry about that. Because it's big! (A man has to have some pride.) Once it was stowed, it didn't matter if anyone saw or not. I couldn't see the intruder yet. Optical camouflage? But I sensed them immediately.
If they had a gun, I was in trouble. I couldn't let them attack. Using footwork to throw off their aim, I lunged with a full-power body blow! Yes! Found you! I tackled them and hoisted them up.
"Got~cha~♪"
I threw them backward. An overhead throw! I wasn't going to let them use any weapons. I slammed them onto the floor with everything I had, then grabbed them by the back. I lifted them, spun them, and hurled them backward again! Karelin’s Lift! "One more time! Come on!!" I roared, just as Raven-kun grabbed me from behind to restrain me.
"L-Lord Leo! You’ll kill them! We have to interrogate them to find out which faction sent them!!"
The optical camouflage flickered and died. The assailant was masked and clutching a knife. They were out cold, tongue lolling out of their mouth. Still, they hadn't let go of the knife. Admirable commitment for an enemy. Their outfit was... that suspicious Asian style again. If this were a hitman sent by old man Eyens, things would be much simpler. But I knew better. This wasn’t the clothing of Eyens’ group. The cultural nuances were slightly off—like the difference between actual feudal Japan and a foreigner’s garbled 'Chinese-style' interpretation of it.
I pulled off the mask. It was a Latarnian. But there was no reason for a Latarnian to attack me.
"Uh, Raven-kun. Report this to Wifey. Also, set up a meeting with the Latarnian ambassador."
"Understood. Security! We have an intruder in custody! Raise the alert level!"
The alarm blared. There was no guarantee they were alone. Well, things were certainly getting busy.