A massive line snaked around the venue on the day of the tournament.
We were using the arena within the Battle Dome.
It was the cheapest option available.
While we had the Proone planet, its development wasn’t going to be finished in time. Apparently, the concept of an "environmental assessment" was nonexistent in Latarnia. The damage there was even more severe than on the Imperial Capital Planet.
Between the original environmental destruction caused by the Proone and the missiles tearing up the humus layer, even basic agriculture was likely a lost cause. The local animals had been hunted to extinction for food, too... It would take terraforming from scratch to fix it. There was simply no way it would be ready in time for the tournament.
Thus, the Battle Dome became our stage.
Normally, when you try to host a tournament, the biggest hurdle is the venue. If you rely on the local administration, they force disadvantageous conditions on you—like demanding the personal information of every single contestant. It’s a classic sports bureaucracy headache.
...I’ll never forgive that gymnasium that gave me such a hard time when I tried to host the Officer Academy Single-elimination Tournament during Eddie's Consolation Party in my first year. Apparently, the person in charge back then was demoted to some remote post without my involvement. I didn't do a thing; I only received the report after the fact.
Regardless, we stuck to commercial facilities. The Battle Dome acted as our sponsor.
Furthermore, I intentionally had the ticket sales handled by a Latarnia Airline Ticket Agency. What did that entail? It led to the following scene on the morning of the event:
"This is a counterfeit ticket. I am reporting you."
As the blunt Latarnian receptionist made the report, the Latarnia Security Company promptly hauled the Yankee away. I watched the whole thing unfold on a monitor.
"T-This wasn't part of the plan! Nobody said the Latarnians were the ones selling the tickets! Dammit!!"
Apparently, using a counterfeit ticket was a crime of fraud punishable by being sent to the military or the mines in a conflict zone. It didn't matter where the crime occurred; if you defrauded a Latarnian company, you were finished.
How wonderful...
Latarnia was aggressively waging war on multiple fronts, so the future for those guys was looking pretty bleak. Hahaha!
Additionally, my discount store and its affiliates had established local entities in Latarnia. They might try to trump up charges and seize the whole business eventually, but that was fine. I’d already obtained something more valuable than money: initial national intelligence and a sense of the local atmosphere. Besides, if anyone tried to scam or threaten my discount store, they’d be legally eliminated as well. It was all part of the strategy.
"H-Hey! I’m with the Pirate Guild—"
"In that case, the Latarnia Chamber of Commerce and Industry will file a formal protest against the Pirate Guild."
"W-Wait! If you do that, the assassins will come for me!"
"That is not for me to judge."
Wailing and screaming, the idiot was dragged off. That receptionist... she was way too cool.
Thanks to the sacrifices of their comrades, the Pirates eventually stopped trying to use counterfeit tickets. Their behavior wasn't really calculated harassment; it was more of a "maybe I can get in for free" mentality. If they were truly serious about causing trouble, they would have started a riot inside.
I clicked over to another channel, and there it was.
"Hey, you bastard!! I’m gonna kill you!!"
Pirates were brawling in the stands. The fistfight escalated rapidly. They started picking fights with the staff, swinging chairs, and going on a total rampage. This was the real deal—actual harassment from the Pirates.
Tasked with handling this were the General Soldiers of the Ogre God Nation and the Empire. It doubled as a joint training exercise.
"Cease this at once. Nuisance behavior within the venue is grounds for eviction. If you do not leave quietly, you will be detained," an Imperial soldier warned.
"Aah? Just you try it, asshole!!" the Pirate roared.
I really wanted to grab them by the hair and drag them out myself. These guys were careful not to make the first move; they probably planned to cause a massive scene the moment someone touched them. But that kind of logic only worked in Pirate Territory.
A communication came in from the head of the security detail.
"His Excellency the Grand Duke. We have encountered Pirates."
"Heeey. Go ahead and capture them. Make sure to use your Personal Shields properly."
"Yes, sir!"
The beefy brothers from the Ogre God Nation pounced, and the Imperial soldiers in Combat Suits suppressed the rioters with efficiency. We weren't going to let them play the victim. We caught them quickly, roughed them up, and tossed them out.
I had specifically told them, "This is joint training, so don't worry about accidents. Even if you kill a Pirate, Wifey, Saria, and I will back you up."
It was fine. There was no such thing as neighborly love for Pirates.
While the Empire might have lost the art of Foreign Affairs like some sort of "lost technology," they could still easily distinguish between a Pirate who was just trash, one who could be reformed, or a local resident standing up against a corrupt government. (Though that function had been paralyzed until recently thanks to the idiots in the Duke Association.) These guys were definitely just trash.
Finally, the event began.
Saria and Wifey delivered the opening greetings. We even let a representative from Latarnia give a speech before the first match commenced.
Stepping up first was the Strongest of the Empire's swordsmen, Katori-sensei. She grabbed the microphone and announced:
"I’m accepting walk-ins! Come on, I’ll take all of you at once!"
Well, there went the schedule! I knew she was going to do that! I totally predicted this!
Enraged, the Pirates stormed the Colosseum. They didn't even bother with wooden swords; they brought real blades—and even Beam Swords.
"Y-You bitch!!"
Ah, well. If they had attacked without a word, they might have had the tiniest sliver of a chance... No, actually, they wouldn't have had any chance at all.
A home run with the usual Mysterious Wooden Sword!
CRACK!
She didn't give them a single opening. The Pirates were sent flying in a straight line, smashing into the wall in front of the spectator seats. She didn't even let them describe a graceful parabola.
On this day, the Pirates and the Latarnians learned a valuable lesson. The Empire was not merely a nation of intellect; they were a hardcore martial faction. Furthermore, they were a swarm of muscle-brained gorillas. And they realized the chilling fact that Leo Kamishiro was not some Strategist leading a group of intellectuals. He was simply a gorilla you could actually talk to.
As I ate a banana while making a weird face—using the pathetic sight of the Pirates as a garnish—a transmission came in from Saria.
"Hey, could you stop making that face?"
"Uho! Banana delicious!"
"Hey! Wait! Are you just going to let this happen?! Aren't you going to stop her?!"
Saria-kyun... we’re here to humiliate the Pirates, you know. Why else would I have sent Katori-sensei out there?
Ren brought some tea into the VIP room.
"Master, your tea."
"Hahaha! Look at them, Ren! The Pirates look like trash!"
"As expected of you, Master. Now then, I shall head to the waiting room as well."
"Don't get hurt, okay?"
"Of course."
Hahaha!
In truth, everyone was venting their frustrations. Latarnia had snatched the Proone battle away, and the Pirates were nothing but a constant nuisance. Ren was no exception—she had been feeling just as irritated as the rest of us.