Lip service was wasted on Latarnians.
Ambiguity was an absolute sin.
I etched those rules into my mind. I had to avoid saying anything extraneous that could be misinterpreted as a formal promise.
In our dealings, we stuck to a ‘smile and pay cash’ policy. We even notified our business partners exactly which local employees held discretionary spending authority and what their limits were.
This was vital to prevent being undermined by fraudulent transactions made without proper authorization. Furthermore, I archived every single log of our dealings and conversations to prepare for potential litigation.
I did worry that being this overtly guarded would create a negative impression, but as it turned out, the Latarnians actually appreciated it.
‐It is a tremendous help that you have adapted to our methods,‐ they told me.
It was a complete culture clash. I had been treating Latarnia with extreme caution, but perhaps these people... didn’t actually harbor any malice? Was it possible their logic was just fundamentally skewed?
As I suspected, the majority of the citizenry were Yankees who couldn’t wrap their heads around the concept of a contract. Consequently, they were bound by predatory agreements and kept in a state of semi-slavery by a small intellectual class.
Even their military relied on recruiting ‘volunteers’ through debt—it was a conscription system in all but name. There was no way anyone actually earned a living wage in the Latarnian military. As a result, soldier morale was through the floor.
As professional soldiers ourselves, the very thought made our skin crawl. I was certainly glad I hadn’t been born in Latarnia.
I could hear endless horror stories from our local employees. They spoke of working without pay until their debts were cleared, of military skills that were useless in the civilian world, of having no compensation for PTSD after returning from the front, and of the impossibility of even getting insurance.
I used to have my doubts about the Empire’s conscription system, but compared to this...
We actually got paid! (With overtime!)
We had training courses for various licenses! (Improving skills meant lower unemployment!)
If you volunteered before being drafted, you were eligible for various scholarships! (Even we got those!)
University Graduate Students who hadn’t been training their bodies since their teens served as Mandatory Police Officers instead! (It would be a nuisance to have them loitering around the base anyway!)
We had a robust after-care support system through the Veterans Association. (If that ever went away, there would be riots.)
We even had an insurance system through the Military Mutual Aid Association! (It paid out enough to practically fund a clone in the event of death.)
Compared to Latarnia, our system was incredibly progressive!
Thanks to this disparity, information about Latarnian society flowed to us in waves. Latarnia was a nation that refused to publish national statistics, but that was a futile gesture. Methods for inferring that data had been established over a millennium ago.
Both our bowling alleys and discount stores were ‘white’ companies where idle chatter was encouraged. In fact, I viewed it as paying my employees specifically to talk.
Small talk is vital. It’s a more efficient way to collect information than infiltrating a dozen spies. The Latarnian side likely had their own agents in my stores, too. We traded hilariously trivial information about Imperial potato chips, rice crackers, and bowling mechanics for the raw, real-world reality of Latarnian life.
Latarnia had likely already analyzed the Empire’s approximate population and birth rate trends based on our production volume of soy sauce and salt... right? They had to have. It would be strange if they hadn’t.
On our end, we already grasped Latarnia’s approximate population from their production of staples and seasonings. We could calculate the average consumption per person just by looking at our own cafeteria. Since we also did business with local firms, we could estimate the total volume of food moving through their society based on transactions and sales. We could even guess the scale of their economy based on the wages we paid our staff. Once you have the economic scale, you can calculate things like excess production and food waste.
The figures we derived this way were likely far closer to reality than the numbers the Latarnian government officially promoted.
Math is terrifying!
If I asked a local how they handled trash collection, I could learn their processing methods. If I hired students who were the equivalent of University Students in the Empire, I could get specialized knowledge just by chatting with them. It seemed they didn’t practice the obsessive recycling we did in the Empire.
If a local expat mentioned that the rivers looked dirty, a bit of investigation would reveal the source of the pollution. I was stripping the entire society bare using information that wasn’t even worth hiding.
It wasn’t a hostile act. I had done the same thing in the Ogre God Nation and at the Battle Dome. Since they were open with their information, I could just ask Saria to find out their national size or economic scale. It was a bit more difficult with a culture as alien as Proone, but even then, I could grasp the broad strokes.
As for the law, if I said, ‘Our company intends to follow Latarnian law; please provide the relevant documents,’ they would just give them to me. If something was commercially available, I simply bought it. I also made sure to purchase any available materials regarding their religion and traditions.
Conversely, I made a point not to collect military intelligence. I didn’t want to provoke suspicion. It was important to maintain the image of being a soft-hearted, benevolent nation.
Besides, I could get all the Latarnian military intel I wanted just by leaning on the Pirates.
When I explained all of this to Wifey, she was stunned.
‐Lord Groom... so this is why you insisted on stationing Statistical Experts within the Ministry of Foreign Affairs!‐
‐Yep. I excavated the methodology from some old documents the Fairy had.‐
Foreign Affairs had been effectively dead for too long because the era of the United Human Government had lasted so many centuries.
‐I... I did not realize the Lord Groom was quite so suited for foreign relations,‐ she admitted.
For some reason, the word on the street was that I had single-handedly rebuilt the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. But that wasn’t true! The ones who rebuilt it were the Fairy and the History Researchers. It was the same as that old history question: ‘Who was the historical figure who built X?’ The real answer is always ‘the carpenters.’ I just followed the blueprints.
Now then, back to the tournament.
I promoted the event at our stores in Latarnia. Relying solely on the Ogre God Nation and Proone channels wouldn’t have enough reach. Since their advertising industry was fairly primitive, we struggled, but we eventually settled on in-store promotion. Ideally, I would have blasted ads all over the net, but Latarnia’s censorship made that impossible.
In truth, I wasn’t trying to reach Latarnian society as a whole. I was merely declaring to their leadership and the surrounding nations: ‘I’m about to slaughter some Pirates.’ If they didn’t notice after I was this blatant about it, then that was their problem. They could either cut ties with the Pirates or make contact with us. Either way, we won.
If there was one miscalculation, it was the sheer number of Latarnians who applied to participate. They were all the kind of Yankees who wore thick gold chains. It reached the point where we had to organize a Selection Tournament.
When I suggested letting the ones who failed the qualifiers play soccer to keep them occupied, the Latarnian authorities rejected it. They told me to wait while the Religious Affairs Agency deliberated on whether sports were even permitted.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
What a tedious bunch. Seriously, don’t be so terrified of ball games. Oh, wait, were they worried about illegal gambling? Ah, I see. As I suspected, it was a very restricted society.
And so, our preparations continued until the day of the tournament finally arrived.
Hahaha! I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t been able to train properly... the stress is really starting to pile up.