Thinking I’d get rusty if I spent all my time plotting instead of moving, I headed over to Katori-sensei’s place.
I found him already deep into a drinking session with the Great King, even though it was still broad daylight.
Katori-sensei’s eyes met mine.
"Want a drink?"
He offered me some Japanese Sake.
"If my blood alcohol level spikes, it triggers an automatic report, so I’ll pass," I replied.
Actually, Wifey had warned me, "There are idiots who'll force a drink on you just to record it and use the video for blackmail. Be careful, Lord Groom!"
The adult world was a terrifying place!
Because of that, I was set up so that if I were ever forced to drink, a report would go out immediately, allowing me to play the victim with everything I had.
"So the plan to get him drunk so the two of us could beat him to a pulp failed, huh..."
The old man Great King muttered something incredibly unsettling.
Yeah, I was definitely going to have to pull a sneak attack on him with Saria later.
"Well, take some yakitori then. You like it, right?"
"Thanks!"
I managed to score three skewers: momo, negima, and tsukune.
Since it wasn't much, I decided to head to the shrine to eat.
Once there, I offered a share to Zashiki-warashi-chan.
"Here’s a momo skewer. Consider it a bribe."
But out of nowhere, One-oh-one appeared and spotted me.
"Fine, here’s the negima..."
"Thank you very much, sir!!!"
I was determined to protect the tsukune at all costs. It was my favorite.
Only the tsukune... Wait, Tatiana was here too?
"Go ahead and eat it," I sighed.
"Are you sure?"
I didn't quite catch the meaning behind her "Are you sure?" until I looked behind me and saw Claire.
Ah, right. I guess I’m back on grilling duty.
I headed to the dining hall, brought out the skewers and meat, and fired up the electric robatayaki grill. It was electric, but it had more than enough power to get the job done.
Word about my yakitori shop spread like wildfire, and soon the Officer Academy bunch started trickling in. Even Raven-kun showed up.
While Raven was a genius at guarding and military paperwork, he was hopeless in the kitchen. I told him to just sit down.
What was I, a Grand Duke, even doing?
The Imperial Guard Knights, like the ones under Brother-in-law Thomas, were all elites, yet they seemed to possess zero life skills...
Nina-san, unable to watch the chaos any longer, stepped in to help with the skewering. She truly was a goddess. Kevin pitched in as well, handling the sauce.
Tatiana, One-oh-one, and for some reason even Zashiki-warashi-chan helped haul the ingredients.
"Hey, you boys! Carry the heavy stuff! And get the plates out!"
Saria and Kirti-chan arrived too. As guests, of course.
Finally, Claire joined in to help me.
Thank goodness! I was running out of hands!
"Leo... just so we’re clear, I can’t do anything that goes beyond basic home cooking. Honestly, why are you so good at this?"
"Hmm? Oh, remember that cooking course during winter break in our first year? I figured it’d be good insurance in case I ever got kicked out of the military..."
I’d spent my entire break on that cooking practice. Unlike normal schools, it was a spartan-style program that beat the fundamentals of cooking and food hygiene into you. Even with nanomachines, you could only do so much to mitigate food poisoning.
"But that was during New Year’s, wasn't it? I went back to see my parents... and as for getting fired? Are you still on about that? You’re basically a pillar of the state now..."
"If I mess up my maneuvering in outer space, the whole country goes down with me..."
And if it did fall, I intended to use every connection I had to keep food on the table. I was the kind of Grand Duke who would keep surviving even if the nation perished.
Note to self: buy a food truck with my private funds later.
Out here in outer space, the world was blissfully unaware of things like declining birthrates. If I ever became a ronin, I’d start by selling bento boxes and side dishes near a kindergarten. I’d make the parents picking up their kids my main target!
Croquettes, yakitori, and minced meat cutlets were absolute justice. Throw in some French fries and gyoza, too.
"Claire... chicken vegetable rolls are delicious, aren't they?"
"In the span of a few seconds, Leo’s delusions have spiraled to an incredible place!"
I wondered if I could find burdock and carrots in outer space. I pondered the logistics as I flipped the yakitori.
My enemies were Yankees. So, how do you handle a Yankee?
Back in the Empire, you’d just build a massive discount store that always smelled like car air freshener, or maybe a bowling alley. Come to think of it, that pirate ship I captured a while back had an interior exactly like that...
Wait. Did I just hit a home run?
What was it? What did I just realize?
Interiors like a Yankee’s house...
Places to hang out...
Cheap bars.
Standing in front of a convenience store in the summer.
Combat sports events where the crowd was 100% Yankees...
Oh...
"A safe entertainment facility, huh..."
"What’s wrong, Lord Groom? That face tells me you’ve come up with something."
As expected of Wifey. She’d read my expression perfectly.
"I think I’ve figured out how to deal with the pirates—or maybe this whole galaxy."
That was it. Just supplying entertainment alone wasn't enough. You had to provide the "box"—the venue.
"Lord Saria, come over here."
Wifey called him over. Normally, this kind of informality would be a breach of etiquette since he was foreign royalty, but this was a gathering where the Groom of the Galactic Empire Emperor was personally grilling chicken. Formality was out the window.
Besides, both Saria and I were basically commoners at heart.
"Is something wrong? Wait, Leo-san! That look! You’re plotting something wicked again, aren't you!?"
The victim’s instincts were sharp. But the profit would be massive, so he’d just have to deal with it.
"Hey, Saria-kyun. How would you like to run some comprehensive entertainment facilities through the Battle Dome? We’ll serve yakitori, too."
I handed him a plate of yakitori. Since people from the Ogre God Nation loved spice, I handed him the entire bottle of shichimi.
"Yes, yes. Honestly, Leo-san, you really are a jack-of-all-trades..."
"I had to be, just to survive..."
"This... it'll sell, won't it?"
"Right? So, let’s handle it at the Battle Dome."
I’d already thought of the next phase of the plan.
"And while we’re at it, why don't we expand the arena operations?"
"Like soccer? Oh, this is delicious! Kirti! You have to try this!"
"Goodness! Eating while standing is so unrefined!" Kirti-chan scolded, but then she took a bite herself. Her eyes immediately lit up.
"Lord Leo, is there truly nothing you cannot do?"
"I’m terrible at paperwork, actually."
"Don’t give me that gloomy look! Now, tell me! What are you planning?"
"I'm going to drag the pirates out of the shadows and turn them into entertainment."
Saria and Kirti-chan both clutched their heads as they saw my expression.
"I'll talk to the Battle Dome... But listen! I'm not an area manager anymore!"
"But you’re about to be a High-ranking Executive while remaining the Great King, right?"
Saria froze.
"That... that was supposed to be a closely guarded secret..."
"Well, that’s just the power of imperial intelligence for you."
"Terrifying! The Empire is terrifying!!!"
"I’ll respect your privacy, so relax~" I said with a broad smile.
I handed him another helping of yakitori.
I’d finally thought of a way to drag them all out into the light.