I couldn’t fathom what gave the Pirate Guild such confidence.
I’d wondered if Latarnia was setting some kind of trap, but based on information from the Battle Dome and the Ogre God Nation, there didn’t seem to be a connection.
Saria murmured thoughtfully.
“It doesn’t seem like Lepsitol is pulling the strings either.”
“Another name I’ve never heard of!” I barked.
“They’re a great power, but... they’re just too far away. We don't know much about them ourselves. This is the edge of the galaxy, after all. Neither the Battle Dome nor the Ogre God Nation has dealings with the major powers. If you want a bank, there’s Latarnia; for general trade, you have Parcion and Lepsitol. It’s not like I was keeping them a secret!”
“Seriously, more new names?!”
“I told you, we don't deal with them either. To begin with, the upper-tier nations don't even acknowledge the existence of places like the Ogre God Nation or the Battle Dome. The number of controlled planets is on a different scale entirely. There is an absolute chasm between the middle-tier and the upper-tier.”
“Then why the hell did Latarnia go out of their way to come here?!”
“Ha?! What are you talking about? Word is spreading that you annihilated the Proone while barely lifting a finger militarily!”
“Wait, what? I didn’t actually do anything, though.”
What I had done was the bare minimum amount of political maneuvering expected of any nation. Even if I hadn't done it, someone else surely would have.
“With just that... you did nothing... I really might have made a deal with a devil...”
“Isn't that a bit rude to say to a friend?”
While I was busy protesting to Saria, Wifey walked into the room.
“Ah, there you are, Lord Groom. A headhunting offer arrived from Latarnia for you. It’s quite impressive. They’re calling you the Galactic Empire’s greatest Strategist.”
“I refuse-de gozaru!”
The day had finally come. After all the times I’d joked about it, I was officially being called a Strategist... But me? I’m a reckless warrior at heart. I can dodge a bullet to the leg at point-blank range, sure, but commanding a large-scale operation? Not a chance.
Besides, there was no way I’d ever betray Wifey! In the first place, my wives wouldn't be where I was being headhunted to. There was zero benefit in switching sides.
“I thought so. You are my husband, after all!”
“And I’m not a Strategist! This humble one is a soldier-de gozaru!”
“Eh? The military and the other Ministers are ecstatic, though. They’re all saying, ‘Who knew the Archduke had such a talent for diplomacy?’ ...I still haven't figured out who decided to put the Lord Groom in charge of Foreign Affairs to begin with.”
“That! Someone just shoved me into a vacant post because of the mood at the time!!!”
I don’t think they ever intended for me to actually work. I was just supposed to be a promotional mascot until the office was fully functional.
“Kakkakkakkakka! I see Latarnia’s game. They’re trying to sow seeds of discord.”
“Isn't that a bit clumsy?”
“They don’t know us. Or rather, they have no intention of getting to know us.”
“It’s not just Latarnia; all the great powers are like that,” Saria added. “There are people out there who can’t even tell the difference between the Ogre God Nation and the Proone.”
I see.
“From a Latarnian’s perspective, I doubt they can even tell me and Leo-san apart. Though I suppose they’d recognize us easily enough by the size of our bank accounts if we opened one.”
“That’s terrifying!”
That was Mammonism taken to its logical conclusion.
“Anyway, putting the headhunting aside, which upper-tier players are the ones actually dealing with the Pirate Guild?”
“Any of them, really. The Guild handles the drugs and prostitution for the higher-ups.”
“You guys just... let that happen? In the Empire, those things are either strictly regulated or banned outright.”
“There’s a lack of entertainment out here. From our perspective, the Empire—where individuals publish doujinshi as a hobby—is the weird one.”
Not long ago, since we were holding an Empire Art Exhibition in the Ogre God Nation, I’d brought along the National Treasure Catalog. It was dozens of volumes, each the size of a thick dictionary. And that was just the abridged version. Otherwise known as the “Absolute Non-Slip National Treasure List.”
We have entire planets dedicated solely to storing national treasures. Religious art like Buddhist statues, ukiyo-e, tea sets, paintings... And even doujinshi that have achieved national treasure status. As expected of a Japanese-descended Civilization... they love their records a bit too much.
Even I was slightly disturbed by it, but for Saria, it was on the level of, “How can there be this much?!” It seemed our civilization was an outlier. The Proone, for instance, had no ancient architecture to speak of. Their only ancient artifacts were holy scriptures, and those had been incinerated.
Even the mere existence of professional musicians in the Empire was a shock to the Ogre God Nation. Apparently, they didn't have things like movies or anime over there.
For now, the Empire’s broadcasting station was airing Ikkyu-san, and the ratings were astronomical. Thinking the timing was right, I’d handed Saria a copy of the classic doujinshi, “Fa-Q-san: Mystery of the Married Woman Labyrinth,” only to get punched in the face.
“If you ever translate and publish this, I will use every resource at my disposal to crush you!” he’d screamed, absolutely livid.
Apparently, Imperial culture functioned as a strategic weapon.
“Even looking at your export catalog, the sheer variety of items is terrifying,” Saria continued. “You have dozens of varieties for a single species of vegetable. To us, if the species is the same, then the vegetable is the same.”
“I see, I see... Hey, hey, Saria-kyun. I just had an idea.”
I put on my cutest face. Kyun!
“That’s the face you make when you're about to ruin a country, isn't it?!”
“Yeah, pretty much. I don't know who’s backing the Pirate Guild, but why don't we just steal their entire business?”
“Wh-What are you planning?”
“Well, we have the Proone home world now. The Empire owns it, but has no intention of colonizing it. The kids are growing up healthy on another planet. So, I’m thinking we brand ourselves as the ‘New Proone’ and go Pirate Hunting.”
The Proone were being raised in the Ogre God Nation. Since we started giving them moss and plants, their mortality rate had plummeted. In fact, their survival data from before the collapse was completely insane. It was like they just assumed most of their children would die! “You guys really are just prey animals!” was the only reaction I could have to those results.
We’re currently working on an educational program for them. I figured we’d start with scientific dietary education.
Saria began to tremble uncontrollably. “You’re more of an Ogre than any Ogre...”
Unlike Saria, Wifey was perfectly calm. “Well, if that’s what the Lord Groom wants, let him do as he pleases.”
With that decided, we headed to the Dining Hall. Eddie—the Foreign Affairs Deputy Minister’s Acting Assistant Trainee Apprentice—was slurping on some cup noodles. Sometimes you just get that craving. Frozen fresh noodles are better, but cup noodles are in a category of their own.
I found a miso ramen, brought it out from the Food Storage, and poured in the hot water.
“What’s up, Leo?”
“Hey, Eddie. Want to go Pirate Hunting?”
“Understood.”
“Not going to ask about the plan?”
“If it's you, it’ll be fine.”
And so, the wicked Strategist’s Pirate Cornering Operation was set in motion.
Incidentally, the Anti-Ghoul Measures were still a work in progress.