We had really overdone it, caught up in the school festival atmosphere.
While none of us had ever received a formal education in the entertainment industry, we had two veterans of the business right here.
They were Master Zaurus and Master Tank.
From them, we learned about sales, monetization, performance, and how to handle side hustles when the main business was in a slump.
It was more practical than any lecture I'd ever attended at the military academy.
For some reason, Saria had joined in on the lessons, too.
"Master! What kind of side hustles would you recommend for those of us at the top of the national hierarchy?"
He was being surprisingly proactive... Hey, wait a minute!
"'We'!?"
"Well, there's always the chance you'll end up divorced or unemployed after a coup d'état, Leo!"
"In my case, I've got a heavy machinery license."
I'd be fine doing welding or electrical work.
As long as I live frugally, I can make it.
"How cowardly! Aren't we partners in fate!?"
"You're an area manager, Saria! You've got the know-how!"
"That's a useless skill that only works inside the Battle Dome!"
I knew it... Is being a lawyer... Is a lawyer the only winning move here!?
"Listen, you two! Could the Head of State and the Grand Duke please stop planning their lives around the assumption that they'll be ousted!"
But you never know how life's going to go.
If Wifey and I lose our touch in five years, talk of a revolution is bound to surface.
"If that happens, I'll look after both of you at my place!"
Master Tank looked exasperated.
But I just gave him a dark, knowing smile.
"You said it... That's a promise, then."
"I can promise you that much. In exchange, you both have to appear in my next commercial!"
"Much appreciated!"
I high-fived Saria. Hell yeah!
Heh heh heh... This way, even if I'm ousted, I can at least get a job as a janitor for Imperial Pro-wrestling.
My portrait rights exist specifically to be sold off bit by bit!!!
Suddenly, an internal broadcast from Wifey interrupted the lecture.
"Lord Groom! Lord Saria! Report to my office immediately!!!"
Wifey sounded pretty ticked off.
I didn't recall doing anything wrong.
The culprit had to be Saria.
"Shall we?"
We headed over to Wifey's office on the battleship.
"Hey there. It's your favorite boyfriend, Leo-kun~"
I joked as I walked in, but we already had a guest.
Uh oh.
"Pardon me! Major Leo Kamishiro, reporting!"
Since I didn't recognize her, I gave a sharp salute.
She was a tall woman with a large horn growing from her head.
Her outfit put her incredibly toned abs on full display.
She was clearly a combatant.
"It is an honor to meet His Excellency the Grand Duke, the man renowned as the strongest of the Empire. My name is Kirti."
Saria went pale.
Oh, this little bastard was trying to bolt.
He spun on his heel to flee, so I caught him by the collar.
"Gwaaaaah! Let me go!"
A vein was throbbing in Wifey's temple.
Yeah, she was definitely mad.
"Lord Saria... I believe an explanation is in order."
The smile on her face was terrifying.
"I've successfully delivered Great King Saria. This officer shall now take his leave!"
"You stay too, Lord Groom!"
Escape attempt: Failed.
"Lady Saria. It has been quite some time."
"A-Ah. Kirti. Long time no see... Ahaha..."
Saria was shaking like a leaf.
"I am so happy. It has been three years since you renounced your right of succession... but finally, you have returned to the Ogre God Nation as our Great King."
"A-Ah, yeah, but it's just my Papa's puppet government."
That was a total lie.
Compared to Saria's Papa, who had virtually zero talent for domestic administration, Saria's stats in that area were completely maxed out.
The reason Saria refused to leave the Battle Dome was because the muscle-brained Ogre God Nation's internal affairs were a disaster; they were currently relying on bureaucrats dispatched from the Empire and other Battle Dome member nations for support.
The reason the post-coup damage had been so minimal was because Saria and his team were churning through the paperwork at superhuman speeds.
"It was worth waiting all this time without marrying. You will take me as your wife as promised, won't you?"
"What's this, Saria? You actually had a fiancée?"
The moment the quip left my mouth, Saria shot me a look that screamed, 'You bastard, if you say one more word, I'll kill you!'
Naturally, I decided to mess with him.
"My, what a lovely, well-matched couple you two make! Hahaha!"
"Oh, please, Your Excellency."
Kirti practically glowed, squirming shyly.
We laughed together.
Other people's drama is always the best entertainment.
Kirti was actually pretty cute.
Then Wifey let out a heavy sigh.
"Lord Saria. Go and discuss this, just the two of you!"
"Good for you, buddy!"
"Ah! Leo! You traitor! I'll never forgive you for this!"
Saria tried to lunge at me, but Kirti scooped him up effortlessly.
She carried him off in a princess carry.
"Now then, let us have our talk."
"This is exactly what I'm talking about! I told you I hate being treated like this! Listeeen to meeee! Somebody save meeee!"
"Phew... That was exhausting."
"Wifey, shall I escort you to your room with a princess carry of our own?"
Wifey paused to consider it.
"Indeed!"
I scooped her up and princess-carried her too.
This was nice. Moments like this were exactly what we needed.
I was just starting to think that both domestic affairs and diplomacy were finally looking up.
Then, yet another one of those dull Proone broadcasts came on.
The opening BGM was that same one that sounded like a cheesy hotel commercial.
The whole set looked incredibly budget.
I was starting to think the Proone lacked any artistic sense.
Then, a massive slug—the Emperor of the Holy Proone Empire—appeared in a jarring close-up.
"We, the Proone, the race chosen by God, hereby declare a holy war against the Ogre God Nation, the Galactic Empire, and the root of all evil—the Battle Dome!"
Oh. So they're actually going through with it.
"Turn everything into meat!"
Yeah, that's definitely the worst part.
"We have formed an alliance with the Ghouls, who have long suffered under the discrimination of the Ogre God Nation! Let us strike down the evil of the Ogre God Nation! God is on our side! Glory to the Holy Proone Empire!"
Um. Is there a specific reason why the entire thing is just one massive close-up?
The visual pressure from the screen was becoming genuinely distressing.
Plus, teaming up with Ghouls... No matter how you looked at it, they were obviously just trading meat back and forth.
"Now, let the banquet begin! Prepare for battle by imagining the taste of the Galactic Empire's flesh!"
Oh, okay. I definitely don't want to be eaten.
Fine. Let's just wipe them out.