The Ghoul Battleship flickered onto the display.
It looked crude, lacking any sense of refinement.
Saria provided an explanation.
"Ghouls can't build battleships on their own. They either buy them or seize them by force, but..."
"There are actually people who do business with those dangerous creatures?!"
"Factions hostile to the Pirate Guild or the Ogre God Nation. It's a 'the enemy of my enemy' situation."
"And they don't fight?"
"It's a calculated move. If anyone tries to fight the Ghouls, the other factions intervene. Zork's group is among those cooperating with them..."
Those idiots in the Republic... they never did anything right.
Why on earth would they team up with forces they should avoid and make enemies out of the ones they should be befriending?!
I mean, I suppose they didn't have many cards to play in the first place!
Their sheer diplomatic incompetence gave me a headache.
Wifey, who was standing nearby, seemed to be of the same opinion.
She looked like she was nursing a migraine of her own.
"Why are you hostile toward the Ghouls?"
"Who knows? The Battle Dome attempted to open a dialogue with both the Ghouls and Zork, but it failed. Apparently, the negotiator was eaten."
It was a problem that preceded any actual negotiation.
They were just way too bad at this!!!
"What was the Ogre God Nation's stance...?"
"Records state that, at the time, the Ogre God Nation witnessed the disastrous state of the Battle Dome and decided negotiation was impossible."
Why do those Zork bastards keep turning their own lives into a living hell?
They were beyond saving.
"I understand. Lord Groom! We're sorting out!"
"Right, right."
It seemed Wifey had decided which side we were on.
Not that there was much of a choice.
Given her personality, running away was never an option.
"Saria, for the record, put out a broadcast saying the Empire wishes to negotiate."
"It's pointless, you know? They'll just ignore it and attack!"
"That is fine. Those are the regulations."
Saria issued the call, but as expected, it was met with total silence.
While the transmission was being sent, I boarded my Humanoid Fighter.
A silent, fuming Claire was a terrifying sight.
Then, the Battle Dome Faction—including that old muscle daruma—sorted out first.
You'd think we'd wait a bit to see what they were capable of, right?
"Guhahahaha! Come at me all at once, you Ghouls!!!"
I heard that husky voice I'd just encountered a few hours ago.
I saw a unit wielding a massive Battleaxe charge forward.
It was that Great King bastard.
Saria's panicked voice came through the correspondence course.
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Someone, protect Father!!"
"Saria! You owe me one for this!"
I rushed out in a panic too.
If he got himself hurt, I had a feeling the blame would be shifted onto me.
Conversely, if Wifey got so much as a scratch, I'd use it as a bargaining chip against the Great King, asking, "How do you plan to take responsibility for this?"
Diplomacy was essentially a battle of wills between yakuza.
That was why you normally didn't lead from the front.
But... that Great King bastard was built different.
Wait, I'm the same? Don't lump us together!!!
"Guhahahaha!!!"
He charged a battleship all by himself.
Good grief. I pushed my thrusters to the limit to chase after him.
"Hm? Someone caught up already... Leo Kamishiro! It's you!!! Gahahaha!!!"
I didn't know what was so funny, but the Great King was laughing his head off.
"I see, I see! A man who can stand as my equal has finally appeared!!!"
With that, the Great King slammed into the Ghoul Ship.
Ah, you idiot! Wait!!!
The Ghouls opened fire with all their turrets.
Beam weapons.
The Great King dodged them only after they were fired.
I'm not going to call him a copycat.
But seriously, was I even necessary here?
I wove through the beams as well.
"Guhahaha!!! You avoided them after all!!! This is fun!!! I shall praise you for that!!!"
Eddy, who had been performing the martial arts demonstration, caught up.
"Both of you! Stop getting so far ahead!!!"
It was a perfectly reasonable reprimand.
However, something even more terrifying was approaching from the rear.
"...After all that."
Oh boy.
It was Claire's unit.
"After I went to all the trouble of gathering members and practicing!!!"
She was wielding a bazooka.
Ah, crap!!!
"Great King! Move!!!"
"Eh?"
She probably trusted that I’d be able to dodge it.
That level of trust was genuinely scary.
Claire's bazooka roared.
Well, it looked like fire, but it was actually the brilliance of a beam.
The Great King and I dodged at the exact same moment.
Claire's Beam Bazooka scored a direct hit on the Ghoul Ship.
It was an Ultra-high Output Weapon designed specifically for Zork-class threats.
The attack itself was likely the Death Blaster.
The Ghoul Ship caught fire the moment it was struck.
Humanoid Fighters began pouring out of the wreckage.
"Ha... haha... Say, is this how the Empire always handles tactics?"
The Great King's voice came over the comms.
"No, Claire's just pissed because her pro-wrestling presentation was ruined."
"I see. I promise to secure a venue at a later date. Just don't kill me!!!"
"Tell me about it!!!"
Melissa and Ren arrived on the scene.
Then Eddy, Isono, Nakajima, and the rest of the boys joined the fray.
"Out of the way! Baseball Club, coming through! We're gonna make a name for ourselves here and secure that baseball broadcast!!!"
They were broadcasting their naked desires across every open channel.
"Huhu... I don't understand a word they're saying, but I can tell they're having the time of their lives!"
You don't understand it at all, Your Majesty.
"Fuhfuhfuh, I know exactly how they feel! You Ghouls!!! How dare you interrupt the Capital Planet Ogres' match!!! It was already in the second half!!!"
There it was. The Great King had already had his brain scorched by soccer.
"Behold the wrath of a supporter!!!"
He was a die-hard club supporter!
No wonder he was so livid!!!
The Ghoul Humanoid Fighters closed in.
The Great King began cleaving them in two with his battleaxe.
Claire was firing her bazooka relentlessly.
Ren provided cover with her Sniper Rifle.
"Nuhahahaha!!!"
Melissa was slashing through enemies while laughing her head off.
Melissa used an Ancient Style, so school clubs meant nothing to her.
Consequently, she didn't give a damn about martial arts demonstrations either.
It seemed she’d been bottling up her own brand of stress.
As for me...
"Too slow!"
I cleanly severed a wrist.
Then I took out another unit with my gun.
Yeah, pretty standard stuff.
I decided to just stay low-key.
At that point, the rest of the Ogre God Nation's forces finally caught up.
"You lot! You're too slow!!!"
The Great King barked at them.
Finally, the Battle Dome Defense Force arrived.
"Saria... you're late!!! I'm not leaving any prey for you!!!"
Ah, there he goes, charging in again!!!
I spent the entire time acting as the Great King's wingman.
I finished off the ones the Great King missed and sniped the targets he let slip by.
"Umu! Leo Kamishiro!!! Why don't you become my right-hand man?!"
"I'm the Emperor's groom, so I'm gonna have to pass on that."
Not a chance!
Like I'd ever want to be the guy who has to clean up after a boisterous old man like him!!!