"W-What? What in the world is that weapon?!"
The Muscle Daruma’s face turned an even deeper shade of crimson.
I honestly thought he was going to drop dead from high blood pressure at any second. I understood why he was snapping, though.
"It’s just a wooden sword, isn't it?" Katori-sensei replied.
That thing was far beyond the realm of a mere wooden sword. Apologize to every wooden sword in existence, you old man.
"W-What kind of despicable weapon is that?! There’s no way it could shatter my spear..."
Right? That’s what anyone would think. You’d assume he was using some kind of muscle-augmentation tech.
"Fine then. You use it."
With those words, Katori-sensei tossed the sword aside. It didn't even have an edge. It should have just bounced off the floor, but instead, it buried itself deep into the stone.
He wasn't using any muscle assists. He was wielding that insane blade through pure, unadulterated physical strength.
You absolute monster!
You should have been more gentle with me!
"Huh?"
"Go ahead and use it. I’ll go barehanded."
Sensei let out a series of sharp cracks as he stretched his neck. Once that was done, he moved on to his knuckles.
"Come on, hurry up and pick up the wooden sword."
The Muscle Daruma’s face went even redder as he desperately tried to haul the sword out of the floor.
"Good grief, you’re hopeless. Here."
Katori-sensei grabbed the Muscle Daruma’s hand and yanked the sword out for him.
"What is this weight?!"
"It’s nothing special. I spar with Leo every day using that thing. Now come on, show me what you’ve got."
"Gu... guuuh!"
The Muscle Daruma wobbled as he raised the sword over his head. It was a total trap. He would have been better off fighting with his bare hands than trying to swing that. Katori-sensei was exerting an aura that made it feel like they had to fight with swords, but it was all an illusion. The man was being led around by the nose by Katori-sensei’s silver tongue!
Just stop, man. Give it up.
"I can't use a thing like this!"
Abandoning the sword, the Muscle Daruma lunged at Katori-sensei, trying to grapple him. But that was also the wrong move. That old man... he’s just as strong without a weapon.
The Muscle Daruma’s body suddenly went airborne. It was a leg sweep. Even though Sensei always yells at me for my 'bad footwork habits,' his are just as bad!
Wham! The Muscle Daruma was slammed into the floor, unable to even attempt a breakfall.
"Gah! I... I yield!"
He managed to surrender properly. And with that, it was over. We’d established a good relationship with the Battle Dome and secured some people with information. Zork had probably drawn the 'hostile species' card right at the beginning instead of the 'Battle Dome' card. That’s why the option for negotiation was locked off for him.
We were probably just lucky. Probably. Or maybe it was just a forced tutorial.
As I was nodding to myself in satisfaction, I noticed Katori-sensei pointing his sword toward me. I had a bad feeling. I needed to run, right now.
I attempted to escape, but this was an unfamiliar building. Saria and the Battle Dome security guards intercepted me almost immediately.
"I-I was just looking for the restroom!"
Even I knew that was a pathetic excuse.
"Ah, I’ll transmit the video to the speakers on your terminal," Saria said.
Katori-sensei’s voice boomed from Saria’s device.
"Oi! I’m still not satisfied over here! Leo, get down here! Don't you dare run away!"
Fueeeeeeeeen!
I knew he’d say that!
"Let's go. I'll get scolded along with you," Saria offered.
"Stop acting like I'm some naughty child! I didn't do anything wrong!"
In the end, I was practically tied up and dragged out as a sacrificial lamb.
"Uoryaaaaah! I’m not afraid of you, Sensei!"
The second katana—the one that required several people just to carry it—was brought out. I snatched it up with one hand and charged at Katori-sensei.
"Die, you old geezer!"
"Oh, you've got some fire in you now! Good, good!"
He blocked my full-power strike with ease. Dammit! This monster!
"Fuhahahahahahahaha!"
Katori-sensei’s storm-like assault began. The man simply did not know the meaning of 'holding back.' I dodged for my life, and the second I saw a gap that lasted less than a heartbeat, I turned tail and ran.
Who could possibly deal with this?!
"Wait, you brat!"
Katori-sensei slashed at the air far behind me. Normally, that was a distance where nothing could hit. Yes, normally.
A shockwave erupted, and I was sent flying.
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
He’s doing moves straight out of a fighting game! If he can do it, I should be able to do it too!
As I was propelled through the air, the Colosseum wall rushed toward me. First, I slammed my sword into the wall to kill my momentum. As I landed gracefully with a soft thud, I started to get genuinely annoyed.
Fine then! I’ll just copy you!
"Doryaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
I took a full swing. I generated a shockwave of my own.
"Guh! You copied a secret art after seeing it just once?! You monster! Die!"
"That’s my line! Take this!"
We both unleashed shockwaves simultaneously. The collision of the two forces caused the Colosseum floor to crumble into pieces.
"Wait! Stop! Stop it right now!"
Saria screamed, but I didn't care. It was her fault for handing me over to Katori-sensei in the first place.
"Fuhahaha! This is great!"
"It’s not great! Just stay quiet for once, you old man!"
As a result of this chaos, the Colosseum had to suspend operations for a while for repairs. Taking the situation seriously, the Battle Dome Management apparently created a new rule: 'Refrain from forcing obviously insane groups to compete.'
I’m not the one at fault here!
Furthermore, just when I thought we’d be banned for life, we were actually registered in the Battle Dome Headquarters' Master Class. Apparently, that's the second-highest league. They decided that letting us fight in a local arena had been a mistake in the first place.
The headquarters is far away, so it seems like we won’t have to fight for a while. That part was fine. We even got a map of the surrounding area, and they offered to become our official purveyors.
The problem was...
"C-Chief! It's time to make children! Yes, I'm all ready!"
It was Shar. I stared at her with a completely hollow expression before reporting her without a second's delay.
"Wifey, help me."
"Umu," Veronica replied.
"W-Why?! I-I have a mission! I must take the genes responsible for that monster-like strength back to the Ogre God Nation!"
"That's exactly what I'm tired of!"
Besides, I could barely even stand right now. What kind of move was that? The burden on my body was way too high. My entire body was screaming in pain!
Shar was promptly led away by Wifey and the Imperial Guard.
"Lord Groom... I suppose it's not my place to say, but... is a perfectly normal romance perhaps impossible for you?"
"Bieeen!"
Even my beloved Wifey was saying it now.
Leo Kamishiro, nearly 18 years old.
I just want a romance like the ones in erotic doujinshi.