Boobs! (Greetings)
The Armored Warrior climbed back to its feet.
It seemed they understood the concept of entertainment well enough here.
Since it would be disrespectful to keep playing around, I decided it was time to end this.
The Armored Warrior charged.
I guess that was their only option left!
Pivoting like a practitioner of Ancient Jujutsu Style, I slipped to the side, seized the machine by the scruff of the neck, and forced the Armored Warrior into my rotation.
If they fell, it was Ground Grappling Hell; if they tried to stand, I’d send them flying with a thundering throw.
Forcing an opponent to choose between two equally miserable options was the cornerstone of combat entertainment.
Deciding that standing was the lesser of two evils, the opponent rose.
But something was off.
For some reason, they tried to press their helmet flush against me...
Crap!!!
Bullets erupted from the helmet.
You had a vulcan mounted in your head?! You punk!!!
Whoa, that was close!!!
Before the barrage could shred me, I hammered a knife-hand strike into the back of the machine's head.
The sound of metal screaming and grinding echoed through the arena.
Armor didn't matter.
A full-power blow from me was enough to snap its neck.
Then, I gripped the helmet with both hands and...
"ORAAAAAAH!!!"
I twisted the head clean off.
That last part actually made me sweat.
The remote venue fell into a stunned silence.
After a heartbeat's pause, the crowd erupted.
"W-Woooooooooooh!!!"
Applause and the rhythmic thumping of feet on the floorboards reached my ears.
But man... I was panicking like a total amateur.
Mainly because the thing was still moving.
Now, what to do?
The real question was whether the rules demanded a fight to the death.
Even if they ordered me to kill, I had no intention of following through.
It was time to gauge the civility of the Ogre God Nation and the Battle Dome.
The Armored Warrior managed to stagger up and sink to one knee.
Suddenly, a roar thundered over the speakers.
"That's enough! Shar!!!"
There stood a Muscle Daruma of an old man, looming like a Nio statue.
Even his face looked like a Daruma doll.
A massive horn sprouted from his forehead.
"The match is decided! Have you no shame?! Forced Ejection!!!"
In that instant, the cockpit pod shot out.
It hit the floor with a heavy clang.
The hatch hissed open, and a pilot in a full-face combat suit staggered out, unsteady on their feet.
The Muscle Daruma continued his tirade.
"Shar. You know the law. The victor claims everything, and the loser forfeits all."
"B-But! I’m still... I haven't lost yet!"
"You fool!!! Disembowel yourself!!!"
The conversation was moving right along while completely ignoring me.
I was starting to get ticked off.
I clicked on the external speakers.
"Hey, old man! Don't go making decisions while ignoring the guy who won. And you—Shar, was it? You're coming with me. Winner takes all, right? I assume you have no complaints, old man!"
The old man's face twisted into a nasty, scheming grin.
Ah. I’d been played.
"Quite so! I shall hand Shar over to you! Now, everyone! Give praise to the Hero of the Empire!!!"
"Woooooooooooh!"
A deafening wave of cheers and applause washed over me.
Wait, was this a setup?!
Pieeen! This guy has a worse personality than Zork!!!
Zork would never pull a stunt like this!!!
"Lord Groom... you certainly jumped the gun. You’d better take responsibility for this."
"Ah—yeah, I’ll look after them in my Knights."
"That’s not it... have you... have you really not noticed!?"
"Noticed what?"
Shar pulled off her helmet.
A black-haired Ogre. ...Specifically, a girl.
Welp. A lecture from Claire, Ren, and Wifey was now a mathematical certainty.
I climbed down from my machine.
"Uh... I'm Leo Kamishiro. It's been decided that I'll be taking you into my custody for the time being."
"...I look forward to serving you."
The Ogre God Nation... their personalities were absolute trash.
With no other choice, I loaded her into the Humanoid Fighter and headed for the waiting room.
In the waiting room, Melissa was howling with laughter.
"Gyahahaha! As expected of the Harem King! You go out to fight and come back with another woman!!!"
She was laughing so hard she was actually crying.
"This was an accident even by my standards!!!"
In that regard, Eddie was a lifesaver.
He had already reached out to my Knights.
"Raven and the others are on their way to pick her up."
"Thanks, man. Melissa, can you handle things here?"
"Sure, sure! Hihihihi!!! This is gold!!!"
She was kicking her legs with glee.
This was my girlfriend, and this was how she treated me.
Raven and his team arrived shortly after.
I handed Shar over to them and went to see Saria.
Raven and the others flanked Saria, ready to pin her down if she so much as twitched toward a weapon.
I was going to give her a piece of my mind.
Saria was waiting for me, greeting me with that suspicious, shifty look of hers.
"Hahaha! You certainly got your baptism quickly, didn't you?"
"You knew this would happen!!!"
"Well, I am from the Ogre God Nation myself! That kind of barbarism is exactly why I became a merchant for the Battle Dome!"
"You're one to talk, considering you attacked me the second we met!!!"
"Leo-san, you're the one who lifted me up by the throat with one hand."
"Stop that! I'm just an ordinary, peace-loving citizen!"
I only did that because it was the most efficient way to communicate. No regrets.
Then Shar, standing behind me, whispered softly.
"Lady Saria... um... perhaps you shouldn't tease him too much..."
"Hmm? 'Lady'?"
"Leo-san, the truth is, before I transitioned into the Battle Dome business, I was the Third Prince of the Ogre God Nation~"
Great. The plot just got even more tangled.
"A prince?!"
"I was disinherited, though~"
Saria smirked playfully.
Shifty as ever.
Royalty? All I could smell on her was the stench of a career merchant!
The 'crooked' kind.
"Oh, looks like Melissa-san's match is starting~♪"
"Hey, you just changed the subject! Hey!"
"Hahahaha!"
Melissa's match was a slaughter.
I mean, she sliced the opponent's torso in half with her opening move.
The pilot survived, fortunately.
This one was a man.
"Hey, old man! Can I keep this guy as a lackey?"
When she shouted the question at the Muscle Daruma, he gave instant permission.
The Ogre Brother was a massive young man, nearly two meters of pure muscle.
We dragged him back to the waiting room.
"You're assigned to our Knights. Oh, and just so you know, I have fiancées. No touching."
"Are the others fair game, then?!"
"Consensual romance is fine. But if you try to force anything..."
I made a 'snip-snip' gesture with my fingers.
The Ogre Brother and I both instinctively clutched our crotches.
"When Melissa says she’ll do something, she means it. So don't even think about misbehaving."
The Ogre Brother nodded vigorously. With every ounce of his soul.