My wife returned.
“You’ve got some nerve, throwing a takoyaki party while I’m away!”
For some reason, she was furious, and I was forced to make takoyaki.
Melissa, One-oh-one, and the rest of the usual crew showed up soon after.
Why was I the one grilling takoyaki? It was a deep, philosophical question.
As she ate, my wife spoke.
“Apparently, they’ve figured out how to open the Gate.”
I felt a chill run down my spine.
That was strange... Master Katori should have been out of commission with a hangover.
“The records were at Duke House Mistral.”
That was Ren’s family home.
A generational garbage house... Their hoarding habits were so severe that they had inadvertently preserved records from five hundred years ago that should have been long since buried.
Of course, nothing was organized.
That’s a classic trait of those who live in hoarder dens.
Documents were piled on the floor, and data was stashed away in abnormally ancient terminals.
It reportedly took a team of historians and restoration specialists an entire year to excavate the texts.
And they used Fairy Copy-chan, too.
Right. It had almost been a year since we liberated Planet Mistral...
Apparently, a mountain of politically sensitive documents was being unearthed.
Ultimately, the truth was that the Republic—or rather, Mother—had been exiled to outer space. Before that, she had sealed Crabs across various worlds and infiltrated female types into society.
She’d likely planned to release them all at once for a short-term decisive battle.
If the Republic hadn't been exiled, the Empire might never have existed.
Along with those records, they found the method to open the Gate.
Through sheer willpower, they had restored materials that had been left to rot in that garbage house.
The contents were simple enough.
If anyone without authority tried to open it, the defense protocols would kill them.
So, what about the current One-oh-one?
“With Ayame’s death in the line of duty, I have seized control of the Zork network. I’ve become Mother Zork, sir!”
I see. Have a piece of chocolate.
So, it would be fine... probably?
The Zork technological data was also restored, so I dumped it all on Fairy.
“I can deactivate the lock,” Fairy said.
“But if we do that, won't they come through from the other side?”
“Even now, it can be opened if someone follows the right procedure and is willing to pay the price in sacrifices. Given how insane the Zork are, it’s only a matter of time anyway~.”
I didn't like the sound of that!
“It’s better to set it up so we can launch a preemptive strike, right~?”
In the end, victory goes to the one who hits first.
So, we decided to disarm the trap and open it.
Piggett and the rest of us guarded One-oh-one.
From the sky, my wife, Brother-in-law Thomas, and the others watched over us.
I hoped they’d be a friendly race.
...Fat chance.
They were probably some crazy warrior race.
“Here I go, sir!”
One-oh-one was wearing the same ceremonial clothing as my wife—a shrine maiden-style outfit.
Wearing that attire signified that one was a member of the Imperial Family or their representative.
In short: “Lay a finger on my junior sister, and you deal with the Empire.”
It also signaled that the Empire was protecting the former Republic citizens.
Politics really is a headache.
One-oh-one sang something that sounded like a ritual prayer.
When I’d asked her what it meant before, she’d just said, “It’s a feeling, sir!”
It was still being analyzed, but frankly, nobody knew. I had a feeling the missing data would eventually turn up in some trash pile on Planet Mistral.
The Gate began to glow.
It didn’t feel dangerous like last time.
“Lord Groom! What does your intuition say!? Do you sense anything wrong!?”
“Nothing. It seems fine for the moment.”
“...If Lord Groom says so, then it must be so.”
By the way, this grand spectacle was being broadcast live.
I was secretly hoping a naked beauty would appear and ruin the mood.
One-oh-one... your big brother likes the sight of a perfectly ordinary woman in a bunny suit, blushing with embarrassment.
There are nutrients you can only get from bashfulness.
Please, share that with the world!
Indulging in such a stupid delusion was a mistake.
The Gate flared with light.
“One-oh-one!?”
“I’m safe, sir!”
Within the radiance of the Gate, a landscape I’d never seen before appeared.
A humanoid figure came walking out of the light.
It was a human-type alien, but they had horns growing from their head. They were dressed in something resembling Japanese clothing.
“Translator on. Do you understand me?”
I couldn't even tell if they were male or female.
The figure gave me a beaming smile.
“I do.”
I disembarked from my humanoid fighter.
Removing the helmet of my combat suit, I stood at attention.
“I am Leo Kamishiro, Grand Duke of the Galactic Empire.”
“Battle Dome Commercial Federation. Zork Division Branch Manager, Saria,” they replied with another smile.
“My, my! The Zork had no concept of trade, so it’s a relief to find people we can actually talk to!”
Well, they seemed friendly enough.
But...
“...You’re quite strong, aren’t you?”
The atmosphere shifted the moment the words left my mouth.
“I see. So unlike the Zork, you have the strength to perceive that.”
I offered a silent smile.
It wasn’t that Saria scared me. It was just that my wife had warned me: merchants will always try to trap you with your own words, so I shouldn't give away information if I could help it.
“Very well! We of Battle Dome welcome the Empire!”
They called themselves a merchant, but they felt more like a promoter.
Was their product entertainment?
In the next heartbeat, Saria drew a sword hidden at their waist.
I pinned the hand that held the blade and caught them in a throat-ring. I hoisted them up with one hand, squeezing.
The Villain Choke.
They couldn't even hide their bloodlust properly.
“What are you trying to pull?”
“Guh...! I-impressive... I-I surrender.”
Liar. Their face clearly said, 'Heh, so he's at this level.'
They could definitely keep fighting from that position if they wanted to.
Regardless, I let go.
“Cough, hack... It seems the rumors that you drove out the Zork weren’t lies... People of the Empire! Our product is the arena. Welcome to the Hall of Battle, the temple where the hegemony of this galaxy is at stake!”
I knew it. Another crazy one.
I reached out a hand to Saria.
As I pulled them up, I spoke.
“I refuse!”
“Whaaaaaaat?!”
“You’re way too crazy. Fairy, seal this thing so it can never be opened again!”
I heard a voice say that making it impossible to open again was out of the question.
I guess that's a no, then.
Saria panicked.
“No, no, no, no! Wait a second!”
“No-thank-you!”
“Hold on! You’re a completely different type of person than the Zork! Nobody told me about this!”
“Shut up! We have no reason to fight you! Idiot! Moron!”
Saria’s expression suddenly turned grave.
“Actually, there is a reason.”
“Oh? And what’s that?”
“The ones trying to force this Gate open are my own people, I’m ashamed to say. The Ogre God Race is on the move to bring the Empire under their heel.”
“And you?”
“I’m a citizen of Battle Dome now. I couldn’t care less what happens to the Ogre God Nation. Take my advice: you should try fighting them at least once.”
Dammit, that was a straight-up threat!