The decisive battle against the Zork was officially set.
It looked like Wifey was going to handle the groundwork with the military brass first. Without proper lobbying, they’d start making arbitrary decisions on strategy, mess with our formations, or—worst-case scenario—try to kick me off the mission entirely.
Even with the Imperial Capital under attack, the "Indifferent Faction" still infested the bureaucracy. Then there were the "Gaming-minded Faction" (in the worst way possible), the "Arson Profiteer Faction" looking to get rich off the capital burning again, and the "Backstabbing Careerists" trying to climb the ladder by tripping everyone else up.
Honestly, I really wish they'd all just drop dead.
It would be one thing if they were being bribed or brainwashed by the Zork like the Duke Association. But no matter how much you dug, you found nothing; they were just rotten to the core. And there were so many of them. Add in the purely incompetent types—the "Precedent-only Faction," the "Zero-decisiveness Faction," and the "Work-avoidance Faction" who just ignored any difficult task—and you had a recipe for disaster.
In times of peace, they might be necessary cogs in the machine. But right now? We didn't need them! People were going to die because of their antics.
Wifey, the Fairy, and even the police and military were doing their best to prune the dead weight, but complete elimination was proving difficult. They were even on this ship. For now, the plan was to focus on ousting the "Drunk-on-Duty Faction." When I thought about it that way, I felt like my habit of acting on my own authority made me one of the better ones.
As for the "God" problem, I shelved it for now. As long as physical attacks worked, I didn't care if it was a god or an alien. I’d just kill it. If anyone questioned my faith, well, it was a pagan god anyway. My psychological distance from it was greater than that of some random old man on the street. I didn't need some grand resolve to fight. I just needed to survive.
And so, I was on standby. Since I’d been told, "You’re just going to get yourself hurt before the big fight! Don't do any work!" I was bored out of my mind. Katori-sensei read the room and didn't come by to hang out. If I stayed in my room, I’d just end up playing games, so my only options were the simulator room, the dining hall, or killing time at the shrine.
We were total Besties now. I’d left some snacks at the shrine; the god had specifically requested pudding. Not the expensive gourmet kind, but the cheap stuff kids liked from the supermarket.
Eventually, I ended up in the simulator room to tackle that "Impossible Game" again. Playing solo was a breeze. As long as the attacks didn't hit me, it was nothing. I cleared it while humming a tune.
Eddie and Edge were rapidly improving their records. Those two were RTA speedrunners who utilized death-warps and glitches. Personally, I didn't have the motivation to go that far. All that was left was the multiplayer mission, and I’d finally seen a glimmer of hope.
Until now, the problem had been the omnidirectional attacks that left absolutely no room to dodge. I’d been wondering how to handle it for ages. Then, while I was eating a tube-style ice cream with the god at the shrine—it came in a pair, so I gave one to the god and kept one for myself—it hit me like a bolt of lightning.
"Wait... we don't actually need to defeat the Linear Blazers..."
The Linear Blazers would open fire without warning. Our pattern until now had been to try and kill everything before they fired, failing, and then getting wiped out. But couldn't we just change the angle? If we moved in a way that forced them to pierce each other instead...
With our current annihilation speed, it should be possible. Time to give it a shot.
That evening, after waiting for Nina-san’s shift at the dining hall to end, we all gathered. I explained the strategy to the group.
"Isn't that impossible?" Isono asked bluntly.
"Maybe, but we don't have another plan. Come on, let's just try it once."
"Well, I guess it’s worth a shot. Eddie, what do you think?"
"If Leo, who usually just drifts through life half-heartedly, is the one suggesting it, I think it has value," Eddie said.
"That's harsh! Also, I can't even argue with it!"
"It is Leo, after all..." Claire-san added.
"It’s Leo-kun, after all..." Kevin agreed.
"He is my Lord Groom, after all..." Even Ren!?
"The commander is basically a wild animal. He’s always stronger when he relies on his instincts," Melissa shouted.
"Well, he is the Groom," Wifey said.
"Yeah, he's Leo-kun," the Fairy chimed in.
They were being way too cruel!
"Alright, let's start the simulation!"
"Claire-shan!?"
And so, we began. Not having to focus on killing the Linear Blazers gave us much-needed breathing room. We picked off the standard enemies one by one. This time, Wifey even joined in with her battleship. My strategy was simple: give the Linear Blazers a little nudge. Nothing heavy—just a tap from an assault rifle. Compared to their size, it was basically a pea-shooter, but that was all we needed to delay their Death Blasters for a fraction of a second.
By staggering the timing, we created gaps in the fire. Following our plan, we all slipped through the openings. It felt like playing a bullet hell shooter.
"Ah! Dammit! I'm hit!" Isono was shot down first.
"Leo! I told you it was impossible!" Nakajima followed. Immediately after, Kevin and Nina-san’s entire squads were wiped out. They were out of the game. Next, Edge and Alyssa were shot down.
However, Claire, Ren, Melissa, Eddie, and I were still in it. So was Wifey. I’d suspected it for a while, but Wifey’s ship-handling skills were bordering on the supernatural.
"Lord Groom! We dodged the first wave! What’s next?"
"Nothing!"
"Huh?"
Because we had already won. The screen was filled with Death Blasters firing in every direction. The enemies weren't safe from their own fire. They were tearing each other apart in a massive friendly-fire frenzy.
Once we’d dodged the chaos, we looked back to see the swarm of Linear Blazers incapacitated and rolling through space. This was the correct answer. It wasn't perfect yet, since we hadn't found a route where everyone survived, but it was a start.
The ending screen appeared, and the staff credits started rolling. The list was almost entirely just the Fairy.
"Experimental Subject: Leo Kamishiro"
Fairy... we’re going to have a talk later.
Regardless, we had successfully cleared the "impossible" difficulty simulator for the first time. Afterward, we held a debriefing session that quickly devolved into an argument.
"So, basically... you're telling us we all need to reach Eddie's level at the bare minimum?" Isono cornered me.
"Yeah."
"Don't say that with such a straight face!"
"Look, it’s the only way. Think about it, Isono. If you don't make it back, you won't be able to flirt with your fiancée anymore."
"Uwooooooooooh! Fine! I get it! The moment I met you, my fate was sealed!"
"Give up, Isono. It’s a waste of time to even think about it."
"You Ogre! You absolute monster!"
I could understand why Isono was snapping. I was basically asking him to match the reaction speeds of a future-sight Esper without any neural modifications. It was enough to make anyone’s brain melt. It was fun, though. I figured after dying a few hundred more times, they’d eventually get the hang of it.
By the time the Decisive Battle arrived, we had finally mastered the multiplayer mission.
(Though the version that included Thomas and the others was still impossible.)