The Research Sector was responsible for all sorts of projects.
The Zork poison used recently had been developed right here. Currently, they were working on tech for outer space deployment and shell-penetrating capabilities.
As for me, I had been assigned to the sector as a human guinea pig.
"Argh! Just give me a running wheel already! I’ll run until my heart's content, just like a hamster!"
"What are you even saying, Major?" the Mushroom-cut Researcher asked, looking utterly exasperated.
"Well, I am an Experimental Subject, aren't I?"
"Ah, that reminds me! For the next set of data, I'll have you pedal a bicycle while we apply stimulation."
"Sure thing."
Honestly, I didn't see how that was any different from the running wheel.
They plastered electrodes all over my body, fitted a hoop-like device designed to inflict pain onto my head, and gave me the signal to start.
"Uooooooooooooooooh!"
I threw everything I had into the pedals right from the get-go.
"Wait, you don't need to go that hard... Well, whatever. Flipping the switch now. We’ll start at ten percent output."
Click.
My vision flashed a searing red.
But I wouldn't let it beat me.
"Fungaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"Hmm, cerebral blood flow is spiking. Increasing output."
I thought I saw something... no, wait, I couldn't see a damn thing.
"Uooooooooooooooooh!"
Still, I refused to lose.
I wasn't even sure if this was a competition I could win, but I was annoyed, so I wasn't going to back down!
"Right, bumping output up to fifty percent."
"Ukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
I felt something thick and warm start to trickle from deep inside my nose.
"Blood pressure is rising at an abnormal rate. I’m shutting it down."
"Just kill me already...!"
I had lost.
"Based on this reaction, it looks like even ten percent power provides a sufficient effect."
"Is there something wrong with me?"
That was the crux of the issue. If there was an abnormality, I was in trouble. My only memories were of overworking my brain; it wouldn't be a surprise if it broke at any moment. I could easily have ended up punch-drunk.
"No, there are no signs of brain damage. However, we haven't managed to explain anything regarding the Jester’s Ability yet."
Essentially, being a guinea pig was the only way to find answers.
I felt so pathetic.
"Well then, I’ll take my leave."
With the tests finished, the researcher headed out, leaving me bored once again. He’d at least left the cycle machine behind.
Since I had nothing else to do, I spent my time pedaling until the Fairy suddenly appeared.
"Are you bored?"
"Bored to death!"
"Roger that. 'He's bored,' she says. Got it! Leo-kun, they’re on their way."
"On their way?"
It wasn't like I was in total isolation; I was just hooked up to various monitors in case of side effects. In short, no one really knew what my actual condition was.
"Yo, Lord Groom. We've come to visit."
Wifey arrived, with Piggett trailing behind her. Following them were my other wives, as well as Eddie, Kevin, Tatiana, and One-oh-one.
The "sore-butt duo," Isono and Nakajima, were nowhere to be seen. That was probably karma for their usual behavior.
"Are you doing okay?" Melissa asked, sitting down on the edge of my bed.
Whoops, I needed to get some chairs. I started unfolding some and lining them up.
"Oh, let me help with that."
Kevin and Ren stepped in to assist. Eddie helped out in silence as well. Man, as expected of my vice-commander, she really knew how to take initiative.
"So, Lord Groom, have you learned anything?"
"Not a thing."
"Well, I suppose that’s to be expected."
"What about the person I punched?"
"They're fine. They might be a female-type, but a Zork is still a Zork. They won't be injured by something of that level."
"Is Kevin also hard to hurt?" I asked.
Kevin provided the answer herself. "Yeah, I’m a bit sturdier than the average member of the Beast Race. But my raw strength is on the lower side—roughly equivalent to an adult human male. I certainly can't transform like the Grand Chamberlain does."
One-oh-one gave a bright smile. "I’ve already integrated them into my network, sir!"
"Good girl!"
I had to praise her for that. I reached out and patted her head.
"Yay!"
One-oh-one really was an angel. She was pure healing.
Ren started patting her head too.
"Now, Tatiana~♪ No need to be jealous~♪"
Melissa started vigorously rubbing Tatiana’s head.
"I-I’m not jealous! Hey, quit it!"
"Noope~♪"
Yep, total peace.
"Ah, that reminds me, Lord Groom. It looks like the Spy Detection Device is nearing completion. Although, apparently, they don't actually understand the science behind how it works."
"They don't understand the principle?"
"Nope. They simply traced the activity patterns of your brain."
That sounded like a device with absolutely zero guaranteed reliability. I’d hate to be the one interrogated based on nothing but that.
"Is that even allowed?"
"Better that than torturing everyone indiscriminately, wouldn't you say?"
As usual, this was a brutal world. But... I suppose in a situation where we didn't know where the spies were hiding, they'd go to those lengths. Fear is a powerful motivator.
"Umm, I’d really appreciate it if the victims of that device didn't come after me with a lawsuit."
"Don't worry. I shall take full responsibility!"
Wow, she was so cool! I loved her!
"So~ what should we play?"
That was the most important question.
"Actually, we're heading back for today."
"Why?"
"Did you forget you had a nosebleed after using your ESP, Lord Groom? In normal circumstances, that’s a sign of impending death! Stay still and rest!"
Aw, come on! I couldn't handle the boredom!
"Come on, Leo. Be a good boy and stay quiet," Claire added.
Well, if she put it like that, I didn't have much of a choice.
"Fine..."
Man, what a drag.
Once everyone left, the silence and boredom returned. This sucked.
I decided to head to the bathroom for now. Since this was a research facility, there weren't private toilets in the rooms. There was a communal one down the hall.
I slid on my sandals and shuffled out in my Academy Tracksuit.
I made it to the restroom and answered the call of nature. Everything was fine up to that point; I just felt relieved.
Then, I washed my hands and stepped back out. I was shuffling along, yawning as I went. I wasn't quite uncouth enough to walk around scratching my ass, at least.
"Yaaaaawn... Guess I'll go buy a juice."
I started walking toward the vending machines when I heard a voice.
"...elp."
Huh?
"...elp me."
Huuuuh?
I looked toward the source of the sound. For some reason, my urge to pee came rushing back.
It was a person—a child who had no business being on this ship.
"Help me."
I hauled ass.
I was terrible with things that science couldn't explain! If it were a Zork, the worst they could do was kill me, but who knew what a supernatural entity would do to you even after you died?
I bolted back to my room in the Research Sector and dove under the covers.
Leo-kun is done! I can't do this anymore!
...But... wait.
"Wait, isn't this... a brand-new ship?"
What the hell was going on?