Piggett looked down at me before the battle began.
“Major Leo Kamishiro. What is this?”
He was holding my tablet.
I used it for textbooks and reading. For some reason, I found it easier to read on a device with a physical presence rather than using AR.
“I-I’m not a traitor, sir...”
“I know that! If the Lord Groom were a traitor, the Empire would already be ruined! I’m asking what this is!”
“It’s a gal-themed doujinshi, sir!”
The reason for this inspection was the ambush. Even though we hadn't known where the Warp would dump us, the enemy had been waiting. That suggested a spy.
...Well, of course there’d be one.
It would be more unnatural if there weren't any female-type Zorks like Kevin around.
And so, my collection had been found in plain sight during the search.
“That’s not what I mean! How did you buy it? Tell me that!”
“I had the Fairy hack the age verification for me! Besides, I’m a married man, so I’m legally an adult! There’s nothing illegal about it!”
“Hacking is a crime, you idiot!”
He caught me in a headlock.
He squeezed right to the limit.
It hurt! It really, legitimately hurt!
I tapped! I tapped out!
“Her Majesty was furious! She said, ‘Hmm, so the Lord Groom has tastes like this. How disappointing’!”
“Ah! Wifey is a liar! Wifey, you were reading this in this room the other day! You’re just pinning the blame on me because you’re afraid of getting in trouble too! Even though Wifey put the TL works she bought herself onto this account!”
“……”
“Wait, increasing the pressure in silence is—GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”
Piggett had raised her like his own daughter, and here she was devouring lewd books with her husband. His arms, heavy with melancholy, tightened around my skull.
No, no, no, no!
It hurt!
After being squeezed mercilessly, I was finally released.
Geez! Who cares about my tablet? The real targets were the female-type Zorks!
As it happened, I was pulling duty as the Military Police this time. I had nothing better to do until the sortie anyway.
Once I was free from Piggett’s punishment, I met up with the pilots in the Dining Hall.
“Oh, what’s up, Leo?”
Katori-sensei appeared.
“Well, I was ordered to act as the Military Police.”
I showed him my MP armband. There were actual Military Police on board, of course, but we were short-handed. Those of us with free time were acting as support.
“Oh, I see. So you’ve got time on your hands?”
Safe, safe!
“All right then, this old man will help you out.”
For some reason, a civilian followed along. Oh well, I just slapped an MP armband on Katori-sensei.
Katori-sensei joined the party.
When we reached the Dining Hall, the usual faces were there. Specifically, the pilot group.
There was Eddie, Isono, Nakajima, Ren, Melissa, Claire, Edge, and Alyssa.
Nina-san was busy working in the Dining Hall, and Kevin was in the middle of a nurse's shift.
The Imperial Guard from the Kamishiro Main House followed behind me in a line as my bodyguards.
Leaving the inspections of the women’s quarters to the girls, we hunted for any female-types hiding among the men. Though I didn’t even know if any actually existed.
The general soldiers' rooms were privacy-free zones with multi-tiered bunk beds.
“Knock knock, inspection time.”
“Oh, Major Leo! Hey, the Major’s here!”
“Sup.”
Since they tried to take photos, I gave them a double peace sign.
“He’s an idiot! There’s an idiot here!”
The guys roared with laughter.
Then came the inspection. There was nothing but lewd stuff. Honestly, the dedication required to nurture a porn collection in an environment with zero privacy was magnificent.
There were no strange drugs, just cigarettes and booze, booze, booze, booze...
Most of their belongings were alcohol.
“Give me one.”
“Katori-sensei! You’re a drinker?”
“You bet!”
A drinking party looked ready to break out, so I just stuck to my questions.
“Have any of you noticed anyone getting prettier lately, or anyone who’s started avoiding being seen while changing clothes?”
“No one, sir.”
“If you notice anything, let me know. Pardon the intrusion—”
I left Katori-sensei behind to his drinking session. I moved through the male soldiers' dormitory area and repeated the exchange. Those who finished their inspection were invited back to Katori-sensei's party.
That was it for the enlisted men.
Next were the officers. They had private rooms. We went through them one by one.
“Isono... look, man... what’s with this? Displaying adult goods so openly...”
“I don’t give a damn!”
You’re going full no-guard? His arrogant attitude annoyed me, so I secretly reported him to his fiancé's parents, House Hanazawa. I was communicating with them via message in my capacity as his superior officer.
A reply came back immediately: “I will beat his spirit back into shape before the wedding.”
Hehehe.
“Hey, have you heard any rumors about symptoms like Kevin's?”
“Nah. I mean, something like that would be found out immediately. Even Kevin probably tried to kill Leo in a panic because her body started changing.”
I suppose that was true. That was the end for the men.
Now, the problem was the women’s side. Claire and the others had charged into the women's area. We joined up with them later.
Claire was breaking out in a cold sweat.
“Um, Leo, listen calmly. There were no spies, but... we discovered an illegal use of the production lines.”
“What’s that about?”
“It turns out those girls... no, not us, but a group centered around the newly assigned officers, were doing whatever they wanted...”
“What were they making?”
“Vegetables and things, but...”
“Wait, was that the cause of the abnormal tomato production? And the strawberries before that?!”
“...That was the cause. It seems they messed with the line settings too much and triggered an error.”
“Booze! I can't survive this without booze!” one of the arrested female officers screamed.
Ah... she was the type who couldn't survive as a military drudge without self-medicating with alcohol.
“Leo, listen... we’re used to it, but normal people are too scared to fight monsters.”
“You’re right!”
I found myself agreeing completely. Those words carried more persuasive power than ever before. We were the ones who were abnormal.
Then, I noticed Alyssa and Edge staring at something.
“Did something happen?”
They were standing outside a private room for a female officer.
“Locked... think something is wrong...”
As usual, Edge was too laconic. Well, filling in the blanks is where the skill of a master like me comes in.
“Hello—Military Police. Inspection time.”
I hammered on the door, but there was no response.
“Claire, it’s locked. Whose room is it?”
“Umm... the display says Second Lieutenant Megan Jamil.”
“Fairy, can you tell what’s inside?”
I called out to the Fairy.
“Once again, Leo-kun is doing something interesting. There is someone inside.”
“Are they sleeping? Oh well, I'm opening it. Fairy, unlock it and issue a warning inside.”
“Okaaay.”
The door slid open. In the next instant, I was shot with a pulse handgun.
I’m so glad I kept my personal shield on at all times like Huma-san told me to...
Because the shot would have hit me dead center.
“Leo, are you okay! Restrain her!”
“UOOOOOHHH!”
I... I couldn't quite keep up with the situation. What just happened?