Our fleet had come perilously close to collapse due to the overproduction of strawberries, but we managed to successfully foist—I mean, graciously donate—the fruit and seedlings to a Frontier Planet. We had narrowly escaped disaster.
That was a close one. A real brush with death.
There’s a certain manga where chestnut buns multiply indefinitely, and if that had happened in a closed environment, it would have been a psychological horror story.
The only real fallout was that most of the crew lost weight, while Tatiana, Edge, and Alyssa were the only ones who actually managed to gain any.
It felt like we’d eaten a lifetime’s worth of strawberries in one go, but after about a week, we finally went back to eating them at a normal pace.
Strawberries are actually a precious fruit since they can be cultivated with the same ease as vegetables. (Unfortunately, I’m not one of those people who believes tomatoes count as fruit.)
Seeds for Strawberry Spinach, which can also be grown like a vegetable, are always kept in stock in our warehouse... but the taste is another story.
As long as we have actual strawberries, we don't need those.
Ultimately, strawberries are versatile. Even if they don’t exactly work as a side dish for rice.
"Major! Now we have an overproduction of tomatoes!"
A member of the Production Department stopped me.
But this time, I could answer with confidence.
"We can consume any amount of tomatoes, no matter how many you grow."
And so, tomatoes dominated our menu for a while, but not a single person complained.
After all, the number of recipes you can make with tomatoes is endless. As long as they can be turned into a proper meal, we can polish off as many as they throw at us.
Tomatoes truly are the strongest.
I was sitting in the Dining Hall, drinking tomato juice. Apparently, while Tatiana could eat them in cooked dishes, she couldn't stand tomato juice.
As I was relaxing, a video of Wifey appeared on the monitors. She was in full formal attire, even wearing makeup.
Ah, this was the serious look. This wasn't going to be about tomatoes.
"Listen up, everyone! The day has come for us to return to our original route! However, the sector is currently under Zork control. The day of the decisive battle is near! Brace yourselves! Long live the Galactic Empire!"
"Banzai!"
And so, without waiting for rescue, we were returning to the operation on our own strength.
I couldn't help but think about how many people must have been purged in places we never saw simply because the rescue mission for Wifey—the Emperor herself—hadn't arrived in time. Well... that couldn't be helped.
With a string of incompetent Emperors lately, the decision-making of the bureaucratic machinery had become far too sluggish. We had to do something about the system.
Usually, the blame lay with the Maro, the Duke Association, and the Grand Chamberlain.
Wifey didn't necessarily want to deny everything about the Previous Administration. It was just that the system had too many flaws—or rather, too many dead parts—and if we didn't fix them, we were going to lose the war.
It was simply their misfortune to be bureaucrats during a time of war.
With that in mind, I headed to see Kyoko-chan.
Kyoko-chan was the daughter of Old Man Ohno, who was now His Excellency the Count. She had been labeled a Wifey Candidate for me, but the girl herself had zero interest in anything but maintenance.
She spent her days in the Maintenance Dock, single-mindedly focused on new developments and customizations. She had very little interest in me.
Which was a relief.
When I reached the Development Department, I found Kyoko-chan in her work clothes. She bowed the moment she saw me.
"Major. Do you have business with me?"
"Yeah. Did you see Wifey's speech? The fighting is about to start."
"I see. So, you’re looking for a new Custom Machine?"
Her glasses flashed with a keen, sharp glint.
"I knew you’d understand! Gwahahahaha!"
"I shall show you a customization so wicked it's almost obscene!"
It was terrifying that we could communicate so much with so little. In short, the exchange was essentially:
"More joints! Make them sturdier! I'm counting on you!"
"Roger that."
Kyoko-chan was the only one who would take on the impossible challenge of building a machine that could withstand my movements. Perhaps because of her, the technical standards for the Empire's Close-combat Humanoid Fighters were evolving at an astronomical rate.
It had reached the point where engineers from every major corporation were locked in a fierce development race.
"Well, I'm getting to work. Bye-bye!"
She had absolutely no interest in me whatsoever. Honestly, that made things a lot easier for me too.
With that, the machine's adjustments were handled. I acted like being a pilot was the most natural thing in the world, but I’d originally wanted to be a lawyer in a Military Court... If I let myself dwell on it, I’d already lost.
It was fine. The pay was good, and since I never had a chance to spend it, my savings just kept growing.
For now, I maxed out my Military Mutual Aid Association coverage. It was the only insurance that actually paid out for death in combat.
Fuhahaha! Tremble before the sight of a Jester so afraid of his own mortality that he’s loaded up on insurance!
Next, I went to find Kevin. He had been pulling a lot of shifts as a nurse, but his primary job was drone operator. His reconnaissance should have been wrapping up.
I entered the Reconnaissance Squad Room.
"Yo."
"M-Major, sir!"
An officer in his thirties snapped into a crisp salute.
"At ease. Keep working. Is Kevin around?"
I didn't have the stomach to act high and mighty.
"Second Lieutenant Kevin is currently on a reconnaissance mission."
So he wasn't finished yet.
"In that case, tell him Leo is waiting in the Dining Hall."
I sat down at a table to wait. Nina-san silently placed a tomato in front of me, accompanied by a full pitcher of unsalted tomato juice.
It looked like today was going to be another tomato-filled day. Still, unlike the strawberries, they weren't breeding at an abnormal rate, and as long as they were incorporated into the meals, we could manage the consumption. Tomatoes were a much happier alternative.
While I was eating my tomato, Kevin arrived.
"Did you wait long?"
"Not at all."
As soon as Kevin sat down, a massive bowl of tomatoes was slammed onto the table with a thud. I could have sworn I heard a menacing, rumbling sound effect emanating from Nina-san.
"Do you have any Chinese dressing?"
"I do. I'll go get it."
Nina-san brought over the dressing and another pitcher of tomato juice. I felt like I heard that same menacing rumble coming from the juice itself this time. Maybe I was just tired.
Kevin was also forced to tackle the tomatoes and tomato juice. I was certain he’d be making frequent trips to the bathroom later.
In my case, it would all just become fuel for my nanomachines. Gyah-ha!
I leaned in for the report.
"Look at this image."
I took a long gulp of tomato juice.
"Why are they gathered here in such numbers? Is there even anything important at these coordinates?"
The planet where the Republic citizens were being held was a bit far from here. What was the point?
"They're obviously waiting for us," Kevin said.
"Of couuuurse they are!"
Ugh, what a pain! I felt like throwing a tomato at them.