A few days after the network came back online, and just as I was finally granted internet access again, Wifey paid me a visit.
“Lord Groom, look at this.”
Wifey showed me a video recording.
On the screen were several middle-aged men… or rather, old geezers.
“What is this?”
If I was going to watch something, I would have preferred a gravure idol with a slightly soft body, thank you very much.
“Umu. It is a hidden camera recording of a meeting held by the remnants of the Duke Association.”
“Heh, I guess there really are spies in groups like that. Which old man is the spy?”
“Every single one of them is a spy.”
“Excuse me?”
“They bring information to me with total devotion, completely unaware that they are all informing on each other. It is quite adorable.”
It was a more of a hellscape than I’d imagined.
There was no way anyone could win against Wifey anymore.
The pathetic part was that every one of them likely believed they were the only ones who had defected.
An old man with long hair and a long beard opened the meeting.
“First, regarding the matter of Leo Kamishiro… that man is dangerous.”
“I heard he performed a long-range jump with the entire fleet! Is he a being meant to replace humanity?! If this continues, won't we humans go extinct?!”
An old man with a neat seven-three part felt his blood pressure spike.
You guys should stop shaving years off your lives in a meeting where every participant is a traitor.
“That seven-three parted one—he says things like that, but he came crying to me, begging to let his youngest daughter into Lord Groom’s harem. He claims she is seventeen years old.”
With that, she sent a photo to my device.
She was a gyaru.
Wait, youngest daughter? When was she born?
No matter how I looked at it, she must have been conceived when he was nearly sixty… if I started worrying about the math, I’d lose.
“Rejected. I mean, don't those guys have any pride?”
“They wish to introduce the blood of the strongest ESP user into their lineages. Even if the next generation does not become a Jester, there is always the chance of a genetic throwback later. It is the same as how a stallion with an outstanding record commands an extraordinary price for breeding. If they are lucky, they might even have a chance to take over the Empire.”
It was a truly horrific conversation.
I was being given the full stud treatment.
Next, a square-faced old man argued forcefully.
“But what should we do?! Leo Kamishiro is said to be the strongest among Master Katori’s disciples! I have heard that those who attempted to assassinate him in the past met gruesome deaths! I am terrified! He is terrifying… The thought of him multiplying in places I do not know keeps me awake at night!”
“That man prostrated himself, begging for his granddaughter to become your bride. Do you want to see a photo?”
She looked like a middle schooler.
About the same age as Tatiana?
She was a beautiful girl of Japanese descent.
How does a square-faced lineage produce such a beautiful girl?
“That’s just sad for her. Rejected.”
“Is she not about the same age as Tatiana?!”
“I haven't even consented to the marriage with Tatiana yet!”
“If the higher-ups tell you to marry, then you should just marry! Besides, Tatiana is fully intent on becoming Lord Groom’s wife!!”
The Jester Breeding Project. Were they actually serious about that…?
It was the height of disregarding human rights.
It was so insane that I had actually been mentally filtering it out.
They were idiots!
“Well, once the war is over, Tatiana will have more interactions with boys her own age. Then she’ll probably stop saying such nonsense, won't she?”
Once the war ended, she’d be thrown into a military academy anyway.
If she didn't like that, she could just go to any regular school.
“I feel sorry for any boy who has to be compared to Lord Groom…”
Wifey looked exasperated.
The old men in the video had no real plan, so the meeting ended with the agenda being carried over to the next session.
“In any case, every one of those old geezers wants to marry their princesses off to Lord Groom. You can consider the concern of assassination to be gone.”
“I feel like I’ve just witnessed the filthiest thing in the galaxy!”
“Lord Groom, simply by increasing your wives, peace draws nearer and the number of conflict victims decreases. Just endure having a larger harem.”
“I was prepared for a development where people got jealous, but being told to expand it was completely unexpected!”
“Is it not fine? Look, even Mother-in-law is pleased.”
The "Mother-in-law" Wifey mentioned was my father's first wife—the woman who raised me.
“You’ve already involved the one person I can never stand up to?!”
“Of course! The outer moat has already been filled!!!”
“Hieeeee!!”
In the end, it seemed the bloating of the harem was unavoidable.
Why did that bastard Maro… enjoy himself in this environment?
The idea of people I don't even know becoming my wives without so much as an interview was way too terrifying.
“Oh, that’s right, Lord Groom. Katori was calling for you.”
That’s right, Master Katori was on this ship.
“Tell the Master that I’m dead.”
With that, I popped the cover off the ventilation duct in the ceiling and escaped into the air duct.
From there, I fled into the walls of the ship.
If I followed the cables and broke into the server room, no one would be able to follow—
“Why is it, Master, that you are in the server room?”
For some reason, she had intercepted me.
Master poked and prodded my cheek with her wooden sword.
“Oh, Luna-chan told me.”
“You traitor of a Fairy!!!”
“Now then, let’s begin our training. A match where I intend to lightly kill you…”
I was grabbed by the collar and hauled off to the training hall.
Isono, Nakajima, and even Eddie were already there.
“Why are we here too?!”
Isono and Nakajima protested vehemently.
Eddie silently put on his protective gear.
“Heh, what are you talking about? It’s obviously because I chose the bunch that seems the least likely to break.”
Feeling irritated at the blushing Master, I made eye contact with Isono and Nakajima.
There were exactly three of us.
We gripped our wooden swords.
“Here we go! Jet Stream Atta—”
Clang.
Wait, what?
Starting from me at the front, we were hit for a home run one by one in order.
“Are you lot mocking me? Isono! You’re supposed to have a naginata! Nakajima! You, it’s a hammer! Go get your weapons!!!”
“In that case, I shall go bring a light machine gun, sir!!!”
“Leo, wait right there, you brat. You’re fine with a sword! Got it?!”
“I won’t be able to win against you, Master, unless I bring at least a light machine gun, sir!!!”
“Ho, so you actually have the will to win. Fine, let’s keep going until you do.”
“I’m escaping, sir—gebuho!”
Home run.
Me… I can't handle this kind of savagery.
“Ora, Isono! Make your movements larger and keep your hands compact!!! Nakajima! You, use the handle properly!!!”
“Much obliged!!!”
“Eddie! You… just keep increasing your precision.”
“That’s not fair for Eddie!!!”
“Shut up! Eddie is getting stronger through orthodox methods, yet it’s bizarre that you lot, who can’t do anything right, are at the same level of strength!!! I’ll beat some spirit into you!!!”
“Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
When I’m being pulverized by Master, I really feel like my daily life has finally returned.