This was bad.
That bastard Nishina... he definitely wasn't a resident of some gag world.
This was a problem.
If this were a comedy, my survival would have been a statistical certainty.
Sweat stung my eyes.
What was I supposed to do? For some reason, at this exact moment, I felt a desperate urge to shout something vulgar.
Something so filthy it would make both Wifey and Claire absolutely lose it.
Nishina swung his spear.
Wasn't that thing supposed to be for stabbing?!
I guess when it's that big, even a blunt swing gets the job done!!!
"Boobs!"
Instead of anything lewd, what actually escaped my lips was a cry of pure, honest desire.
"Leo-kun, what are you even saying...?"
The Fairy’s voice sounded utterly exhausted.
"I can’t help it! Everyone is being way too serious!"
"Why can't you just stay in character as the cool hero for once?! You're ruining the tension!"
Don't ask me.
It wasn't my fault; it was Jester’s ESP that was to blame.
Now that the tension had snapped, a lance came crashing down from above.
I dodged.
It was fine.
The trajectory was much more honest than Nakajima’s hammer.
I could avoid this—wait, it stopped dead.
Shit! A feint!
"Abyaraba!"
I made it look like I’d stumbled while failing to dodge... then I unleashed a Sweeping Kick!
I dropped low, spinning on my heel to take out his legs.
"Tch!"
Nishina hopped back to create distance.
He didn't trip!
"I heard you were a master of the sword."
"A true soldier is a master of everything!"
A total lie.
During Katori-sensei’s lessons, the others only joined when it was their specialty. I was the only one forced to attend every single session regardless of the weapon.
I can even use a bow now! (Though I never said I could actually hit anything.)
"Haha! You bold-faced liar!"
"Ah, he saw through me."
The lance came back in a horizontal sweep.
I ducked under the shaft and slashed at the machine’s legs.
Hard!
The blade just slid right off!
But I didn't stop. I swung back, aiming for the torso.
Gripping a return stroke with both hands meant my left hand was in the way. I tried it one-handed... and the blade slipped again.
I thought I’d aligned the edge perfectly, but if it was still sliding, it had to be the material. This damn sword didn't have enough weight behind it.
"Hah! You're nothing like the Imperial Knights I’ve fought! Is that truly Imperial Swordsmanship?"
"Who knows!"
Of course my tactics were different! I was fighting under completely different circumstances!
"Leo!"
Isono threw something.
I leaped backward, reaching out to catch it.
Nishina saw my movement as an opening and charged.
"Uoooooh! Die!"
I hurled my sword straight at Nishina’s face.
He swatted it away with his lance.
In that split second, an opening appeared.
I caught the object Isono had thrown—a naginata—and slashed at Nishina from mid-air.
The sensation of the blade biting deep resonated through the controls.
The edge sank into the head armor of Nishina’s Machine.
As soon as I landed, I relaxed my knees, putting my entire weight into the naginata.
"Ghuuuuuuuuh!"
Nishina tried to knock the naginata aside with his lance.
But his balance was already gone.
I drove the naginata all the way down to the ground.
The head of Nishina’s machine was split clean in half.
"Magnificent!"
Even so, his machine was still moving.
I’d hoped to take out the head camera at the very least.
I switched to the front camera... but I’d been naive.
From the split-open head of Nishina’s machine, I could see tentacles writhing.
"No way..."
"I told you it was a one-way ticket. There is nothing human left of me."
The Republic! They went that far?!
I wasn't going to hold back anymore. I refuse to let my wives be turned into things like that!
I let the shaft of the naginata slide through my hands, striking upward from below with the butt-end.
He dodged the rising blow.
But a polearm has more than one trick. The real threat was the follow-up thrust.
Thump. I felt the impact.
The naginata was buried deep in the center of Nishina’s Machine.
And yet... even this wasn't enough to stop him.
"Hahahaha!"
Nishina charged, laughing. The blade sank deeper into his frame as he pushed forward.
I tried to lift him... but he was as heavy as a mountain.
What now?!
"Leo-kun!" the Fairy screamed.
Think!
Think... wait, why am I thinking?
That's wrong.
Stop thinking.
I've trained until I wanted to die. My body remembers the moves even if I don't!
I let go of the naginata.
I stepped half a pace forward, invading Nishina’s personal space.
It was a territory game.
I swung my arm up.
In a move that was somewhere between an Aikido Entering Throw and a Western Lariat, I took Nishina’s machine by the neck.
I pushed forward at full throttle.
The metal of the Massacre Night machine shrieked in protest.
To hell with the consequences!
I swung my arm through with everything I had.
The head of Nishina’s Machine was torn completely off.
"Danger! The Massacre Night machine is at its limit! Emergency shutdown!"
The Massacre Night collapsed.
I scrambled out of the cockpit faster than I ever had in my life.
In my hand, I gripped the katana Katori-sensei had given me.
The head of Nishina’s machine lay nearby.
"Ha... haha. You're incredible. You actually tore the head off. Leo Kamishiro! A magnificent display!"
Housed within the head was the upper half of Nishina’s body.
As expected, the Republic... their brand of depravity was on a completely different vector from the Empire’s.
Were we all just the same brand of foolish humans in the end?
"My apologies, worthy rival. I ask for the kaishaku."
Nishina looked at me and offered a weak smile.
He didn't have a life support system. He would be dead within minutes.
"I accept."
And so, I gave my word.
I pulled Nishina from the wreckage and propped his upper body up.
I stepped behind him and brought the blade down on his neck.
"This is Edge! We've destroyed the egg production device!"
"This is Thomas! The radiation generator is down!"
The victory reports came in as everyone rushed toward me.
I slumped down onto the ground.
Man... it's hard to breathe. I really want to take this helmet off.
Then, a transmission came in from Kevin.
"Leo-kun! The enemy sent over coordinates! There might be hostages from the Republic there!"
"Well done, Lord Groom! That should be enough to break the enemy's spirit!"
Everyone was celebrating. Even Thomas was overjoyed at a victory where they’d played the lead roles.
In the midst of the cheering, Claire jumped down from her machine and ran to me.
"Leo! Are you okay?"
"About what?"
"Because... he didn't seem like a bad person this time."
If you put it that way, Crab-chan wasn't "evil" either. He just didn't have the capacity to think.
But the Duke Association and Sariel? You guys are definitely the bad guys.
"I was thinking of saving Nishina’s Territory Citizens as a sort of memorial... ahaha."
As I let out a weak laugh, Claire squeezed my hand.
"Yes, let's save them! We definitely will!"
And so, we managed to crush one of their strongholds.
For now, I'll just be happy we won.
...Thinking too hard about it never leads to anything good anyway.