Right, right. Looks like I have to go.
I mean, seriously, who makes a promise with a kid who can’t even specify a proper meeting spot?
I grumbled complaints as I made my way deeper into the mine shaft.
I proceeded with my Personal Guard Knight Order.
Someone was waiting deep inside the tunnel.
A boy wearing a military uniform with a design completely different from ours.
"Hey there. Did you wait long?"
I called out with a deliberately cheerful voice. The mind games had already begun.
"I just got here myself."
Ah, the classic response.
This confirmed that the punk understood the expected tropes of standard banter. On the surface, he was capable of conversational back-and-forth. Whether he actually grasped the meaning was another matter entirely.
The second I entered the room, I considered blasting him with my pistol... but I held back because of military regulations. Specifically, the one about not declaring war on my own whim.
If I stretched the interpretation to the limit, I could argue he was surrendering.
...I made sure to consult with Wifey, Raymond-san, and Piggett beforehand! Kawagon is a capable kid, after all!
"Have a seat," the boy said.
There was a stove in the center of the room, and the boy sat upon a folding pipe chair. A kettle rested on top of the stove, emitting plumes of white steam.
Another pipe chair was leaned against the wall near the entrance. It was likely left behind by the mine workers.
Yeah, yeah, I see how it is.
"Hey, Raven, you want to sit? You must be tired, right?"
"I must decline, Your Excellency. I lack the confidence to maintain my composure in that creature's presence."
"Fair enough. I’ve known he was bad news for a while now."
I unfolded the chair and sat down.
"Would you like some tea? I found some right over there."
"That’s military-issue tea. I'll pass."
Give me a break. A real conversation was actually happening. He wasn't just a language model; he understood the meaning behind the words.
"What's with that uniform?"
"It's from the Republic. I am Second Lieutenant Sariel, leader of the Galactic Republic ESP Squad. Pleased to meet you."
"I’m Major Leo Kamishiro. The Republic, huh? Can't say you've kept much of a national identity, though."
If they still functioned as a nation, war would start with diplomacy. Since they didn't even bother with that, it meant they either had no intention of talking, or their state had collapsed.
And if it were a true Republic, ignoring diplomacy would be impossible. The citizens wouldn't allow it... theoretically.
Besides, if they were a Republic, they wouldn't create Zork in the first place. And if they claimed the Zork were the citizens, then there was no way they'd have a Zork Mother exercising central control.
So far, it was nothing but lies. Completely untrustworthy.
"Ahaha. You’re absolutely right. We Zork were unable to maintain our nation. Hundreds of years ago—well, I don't know the exact dates. We only started keeping records again about fifty years ago. Anyway, it was long before I was born. According to the traditions of the Elders, we were invaded by the Empire and fled into deep space. However, most of us were unable to survive. Only we, the outer space exploration type modified humans, managed to pull through. During that time, we lost our civilization, our records, everything. But we eventually managed to find our way back—or so the story goes."
It was a bleaker tale than I'd expected. In the end, the Republic's fate was no different from being annihilated.
But that was no excuse.
"Then why did you invade?"
"Who knows? The Zork Mother’s orders are absolute. I suppose Mother decided it would be better to exterminate you all."
Given the Empire's track record, it was certainly poetic justice. But the current citizens had nothing to do with that karma.
"Well then, we have nothing more to discuss. Raven, we're leaving."
"Wait. I am connected to the network, but I am allowed to act freely. I have been granted the authority to negotiate."
Liar. There was no way they'd give a Second Lieutenant that kind of power.
Idiot! If you’re going to try and scam me, at least don’t be so sloppy about it!
"...And so, I have a request. Could you kill Mother for me?"
Another lie. If I defeated Mother, the other Zork would go dormant—cue the ending credits.
"You're a pathetic liar. Come back when you’ve practiced."
I stood up.
"Ah well. I was hoping to find an opening to mess with your brain and turn you into one of us."
I’d hate that more than anything. I can't even imagine myself as some busty girl.
"Say, isn't your suspicion a bit too strong? I was able to fool those Duke Uncles in no time."
Ah. I found the culprit.
The instant he said that, my gun was out.
I pulled the trigger without a moment's hesitation.
An Anti-Zork Recoilless Gun. Basically a massive caliber, solid-slug handgun. It had some recoil dampening, but only to a point. It was a weapon I could only wield thanks to my gorilla-like grip strength.
The first shot hit home.
Naturally, I showed no mercy. I held down the trigger on full auto.
The slugs were so large that it only held six rounds, but if they connected, he wasn't walking away.
Six rounds discharged. The handgun bucked violently, the impact numbing my hand. The trajectory was unstable. I just hoped a few of them hit. I really should have just used an assault rifle.
As the dust settled, I could see Sariel.
He was smiling, despite the holes riddled through his body.
"Ah, ahaha! How ruthless! If I were an Exoskeleton Type, I would have died!"
With a wet squelch, Sariel dissolved into liquid.
"Unfortunately, I can't be killed."
Liar. Nothing is eternal. Even creatures without a lifespan die if they're killed.
"Goodbye, then."
Sariel kicked over the stove. The spilled kerosene ignited instantly.
Ah, crap. Fire.
But I prioritized my attack. I drew my blade and lunged at Sariel. My sword pierced the liquid and slid right through.
Typical.
Fine, then. I’ll just toss a grenade. I hoped for a bit of explosive firefighting while I was at it.
"Alright, retreat!"
I scrambled away with the others. I had a feeling plasma might actually do something.
A plasma grenade detonated with a thunderous roar.
When I looked back, the room was burning vigorously.
Ah, crap. Firefighting failed. Kerosene really is terrifyingly flammable.
"Ah..."
The room went up so fast it was actually disturbing. It was already a sea of flames.
So he had scattered flammable materials beforehand. It was a trap from the start.
"Major Leo! I'm dropping the bulkheads and spraying extinguishing agent!"
"Got it!"
The Fairy would handle the fire. Sariel had likely escaped already. Either way, I couldn't kill him with this gear.
Was fire his weakness? No, Sariel was the one who knocked over the stove.
"Kevin, status?"
"The other squads are engaged with Crabs. But they should be suppressed shortly."
Everyone had gotten so used to combat that they could take down Crabs even on foot. They’d probably escape with nothing more than minor injuries—provided there weren't any more conveniently placed stoves.
And so, Sariel's character introduction event came to an end.
Wait, as if I'd let it end there. How stupid.
"Wifey, fire mission."
"Understood! All forces, withdraw!!!"
We ran for our lives. The teams fighting the Crabs did the same. Everyone burst out of the mine and scrambled into the vehicles.
Even Sariel couldn't get out that fast.
A meteor streaked across the sky above.
"Is everyone alive~?"
"Leo! I keep telling you, hanging out with you is going to be the death of us!"
Behind us, the mine exploded.