I handed some chocolate to One-oh-one and Tatiana.
"Thank you very much, sir! I love you, Captain!"
One-oh-one, who had become quite attached to me lately, clung to my arm. She was just like a Golden Retriever. The Cat—Tatiana—snatched her chocolate away, devoured it, and immediately thrust her hand back out, demanding more. I gave One-oh-one a second helping before handing the rest to Tatiana.
"Mm."
She was getting used to me too, in her own way. I gave her head a quick pat. Then, I took the two of them over to Kevin.
"What's up?" Kevin asked.
He was using drones to scout Planet Shinagawa, running the images through his analysis software.
"I was just wondering if you or One-oh-one had sensed any enemies."
"Even if you ask us that, both One-oh-one and I are currently disconnected from the network."
One-oh-one sat down next to Kevin. When they were lined up like that, they really did look like sisters.
"Right. I guess this is the surface data."
The surface of the planet was completely covered in Crabs. What was all that talk about 'half' being dominated? It was the whole damn thing. If this was all there was to it, we could just bomb them from orbit. In this state, there probably weren't any survivors left anyway.
The real problem was identifying which individual was acting as the relay for the Zork Network. Was it one of the Crabs? We also had the option of disposing of the entire planet. We could burn the surface to a crisp, or just destroy the world outright. When you have so many tools at your disposal, it’s hard to choose.
"Let's burn it," I muttered to myself before heading toward Count Shinagawa’s quarters.
When I arrived at the office, the Imperial Guard Knight Order was standing watch.
"Please inform the Count that Leo Kamishiro wishes to speak with him."
A knight went inside to announce me. As I stood at the at ease position, a man who appeared to be a secretary came out.
"Please, come in."
The interior was as bleak as the rest of the base. It was furnished with the kind of metal green desks and chairs often found in corporate offices; it seemed this was where Count Shinagawa conducted his business. Near the entrance, a simple table and sofa had been set up.
"His Excellency the Grand Duke, thank you for earlier."
I removed my military cap and gave a small bow.
"My subordinates have completed their reconnaissance, so I have come to report."
Count Shinagawa sat on the sofa and gestured for me to do the same. The secretary brought over some sencha. It had that thin, weak aroma—the tea sold at the military shop. The kind that tasted pointlessly bitter when you drank it. I gave a polite nod to the secretary.
"The surface appears to be overrun with Zork. Unfortunately, as for survivors..."
"I... I see. Thank you."
It's not half, you idiot! They’ve taken everything! I thought. Of course, I kept those unnecessary comments to myself. He likely meant, 'Since half was taken, we left automated attack drones and ran away.' He had reported it using the interpretation most convenient for his own pride.
"I... I am ashamed to say that we no longer possess the ability to maintain the front lines..."
I offered neither sympathy nor reprimand. If I showed sympathy, it would imply that Wifey and I had excused his failure. If I were to reprimand him, it might cause a scene where the Count felt compelled to commit hara-kiri. In the worst-case scenario, even Uncle Ozawa would get dragged into the mess. That would leave a bad taste in my mouth. At the very least, Uncle Ozawa was doing his best. I couldn't let him be forced to disembowel himself.
This was already a psychological war. Therefore, while I wouldn't pursue the matter of responsibility, I had to maintain a line that made it clear neither I nor my wife had ratified his actions.
"On our part, we propose that the planet should be attacked as a whole."
This was the penalty. It was a massive one, as the territory his family had built would be reduced to nothing, but since it was already destroyed by the Zork, it was effectively no penalty at all. Count Shinagawa looked down and squeezed out his words.
"W-we have the graves of our ancestors there..."
"I understand. My own home planet is the same."
"My ancestors built this territory up to this point..."
"Yes, I understand. My family didn't even have a temple until recently."
"The grave of my son who died in battle is also there... gh... ugh..."
Well, yeah. Lords were tied to their land. Being able to throw it away was what was truly unusual. I watched him in silence. This was the reality of being a local lord.
"P-please give me some time... I must tell the others... please..."
"Understood."
I stood up, put on my military cap, and made my exit. I'm really bad at this kind of thing. But I did get it—the desire to make a false report when you're told to abandon your land. It takes a different kind of courage to make that final decision.
I returned to the waiting area where everyone else was gathered. As soon as I entered the room, Claire handed me some tea.
"Good job. You worked hard."
It looked like she’d already received a report from Kevin. I took Claire's hand. Whenever the mood started to get good, someone inevitably swooped in to ruin it. This was an absolute physical Law of the rom-com space-time. It held true this time, too.
Wifey walked in and gave my backside a firm slap. Smack, jiggle. "Mmm~."
"You did well, Lord Groom!"
"Thanks. What about the punishment for Count Shinagawa?"
"I can understand his reluctance to see his home destroyed. As you proposed, on the surface, we will frame it as 'surface destruction.' In reality, we will proceed with the military operation."
The recording of my meeting with the Count had already been sent. Now, it was down to whether he could persuade his citizens and knights. If he could, we’d bomb the place and be done with it. If not, we'd have to consider additional measures, perhaps even a deprivation of peerage. It wasn't something I wanted to dwell on.
My concerns proved to be unfounded. A few days later, missiles were launched from orbit. Planet Shinagawa was burned away. The citizens and knights of Shinagawa wept as they watched the display. Journalists are truly useless at times like this! They should be writing at least one nasty thing about me—calling me cold-hearted or something!
Once the surface was scorched, we conducted reconnaissance with drones. It was completely burnt out.
"They are there," One-oh-one whispered.
"Yeah, they're calling for you," Kevin agreed.
The Zork had actually gone and summoned me.
"They want me to come alone?"
"Yeah. It's definitely a trap."
Well, if they have business with me, maybe I should head over for a sleepover. Fine, whatever. I guess I'll bring a cake or something. And my chainsaw, too. It was time to teach that Jester the price of forcing a humorless plotline on me.