The battle against history's greatest foe: Paperwork.
It was a mountain of documents from an alternate dimension, with a layout completely unlike any standard military format.
AI errors, typos the proofing program missed, documents riddled with rare characters—with the character pack nowhere to be found—and files made in ancient software from a developer that went bust years ago... Loading them in anything else led to garbled text and total structural collapse...
One person tried to desert and escape to the beach, another tried to seal themselves away in games, and one even attempted to skip town under the cover of night... Naturally, I caught them all with every ounce of my strength.
The brig?
Hah! What you lot deserve is a file dump conversion task!!!
You might as well spend your days having a staring contest with a binary editor!!!
In this way, we managed to survive by the skin of our teeth and finally established the material supply line to the Imperial Capital.
That said, most of us took to our beds immediately after the job was done.
"Isn't it weird that the losses from paperwork are higher than from actual combat?"
Tatiana’s quip didn't even register. I just didn't want to hear it.
I really, really hate paperwork.
And it was still this bad even with the extra administrative staff and the Duke House servants helping us!
Tatiana and One-oh-one were assigned to hand out tea and fatigue recovery drinks to everyone.
They pushed a cart loaded with warm tea from the Duke House maids' thermal pots and store-bought energy drinks.
They eventually made their way to where we were sitting in the dining hall.
"It is tea, sir!"
With those words, One-oh-one poured me a cup.
I caught the scent of buckwheat tea. She’d specifically chosen something caffeine-free. Good girl.
Then Tatiana roughly muttered, "Here ya go," and thudded a drink onto the table.
That was caffeine-free too.
Good girl.
This had been the first time my squad commanders and the local lords had to deal with administrative work. I think they finally truly understood my pain.
"I... I never imagined a lord's work would be this grueling..."
Well, yeah. You're effectively the CEO of an entire planet.
Since the Kamishiro clan members are all in the same squad, we can hold our parties and dinners right here.
When I realized that the workload was actually reduced because of that, the sheer hell of it all made me want to weep.
To make matters worse, there were still duties to attend to after the workday ended.
Namely, the lectures for the graduate school group.
We couldn't just say "we'll do it after we get into university" anymore. We had to learn everything from bookkeeping and accounting to civil and commercial law.
Even the university division students attended the lectures.
Honestly, we might be studying harder now than we did back when the Officer Academy held normal classes...
Now that we understood what was actually necessary for survival, we had no choice.
Exhausted as we were, we finally hit our breaking point and let loose the moment we found some free time.
"Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
We dove into the sea.
Ren, Melissa, and Claire were playing with fireworks. Wifey also had fireworks in both hands, looking like she was trying to burn off the stress of her daily work.
I finished a swim and climbed out of the water, only to see Tatiana pointing a skyrocket... Why was she aiming it at me?!
"Nuooooooooo!"
Nuhaha! As if you could hit a man who dodges beams!
"Guh! He dodged it! Hey, One-oh-one! Get him!"
"Acknowledged!"
One-oh-one, clutching several rocket fireworks in both hands, lit them all at once.
You fools!!!
I performed a rolling dodge!
"You missed! You total morons!"
I broke into a full sprint toward the naughty children.
"Gya—! The Captain is coming for us!"
"G-Ground spinners!"
"Toh!"
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
I apprehended the two idiots immediately, tucking them both under my arms.
"Uooooooooo! Let me go!"
"Tatiana-chan, you dummy! I knew we'd get in trouble!"
"Guhahaha! Now, how should I cook you two?"
"Whoa, the Kawagon kidnapped the kids!"
The boys started jeering.
"Gehyahyaho!"
"Alright! Blast the Kawagon with water guns!"
The boys and girls alike started chasing me with water guns.
"Hyun! The water is hitting me!"
"Wait! The water! It's cold! Captain, let us go!"
"I'm taking you all down with me!"
"Ah, you idiot! Don't run into the ocean while you're still holding me!"
I dove straight into the sea.
And so, the Kawagon and the brats were vanquished.
...And then Kevin and Claire found us, and all three of us got chewed out.
We were forced to sit in seiza on the beach.
"But it was all the Captain's fault!"
"Hyahyaho! Evil shall be purged!"
"That was very enjoyable!"
Claire promptly dropped a thunderbolt on us.
"Where is your sense of reflection?!"
"I have reflected!"
One-oh-one responded with a sharp, disciplined look.
We were truly making the most of the tropical resort.
Later, even after it had turned pitch black, we were still out there setting off fireworks. One-oh-one eventually walked up to me.
"Major! I have never had this much fun in my life!"
"I'm glad to hear it. It'll stay like this for a while."
"I look forward to it!"
"Yeah, enjoy yourself. It looks like you've really hit it off with Tatiana. What do you think of her?"
"Tatiana is very kind! I have been having scary dreams lately, but Tatiana sleeps beside me, so I am not afraid!"
Wait.
The mood shifted instantly.
"Scary dreams?"
"Yes. When I sleep, I am called from somewhere. Something very frightening, like a void, whispers for me to integrate with the network."
"Kevin!!! Get over here right now!!!"
I roared at the top of my lungs.
Not just Kevin, but Wifey, Claire, Ren, Melissa, and of course Tatiana all came running, their faces pale.
"What happened?! Is something wrong?!"
"One-oh-one is being pinged by the Zork Network!"
"I'll contact the laboratory!"
"Someone is telling me to merge."
"I understand! I shall use my connections as well! I'll contact my elder brother!"
Wifey began contacting the relevant departments, while Melissa and Claire sprinted off toward Piggett. Ren helped One-oh-one into a change of clothes. The boys called the hospital and arranged for a vehicle.
"H-Hey! It was just a bad dream, right?!"
Tatiana didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
"This happened to Kevin once. When it did, he tried to assassinate me."
"No way... I didn't mean..."
She didn't know everything Kevin had been through. It wasn't her fault.
It wasn't anyone's fault. Even I hadn't noticed the signs.
Besides, we hadn't told her about Kevin’s past blunders. We and the military had buried the details.
"It's going to be okay."
Nina-san stepped in to calm Tatiana down.
We rushed One-oh-one to the hospital immediately.
"Save her."
"Yeah, leave it to me. I'll make it right."
After handing One-oh-one over to the medical staff, I waited in the hallway.
I called out to the fairy.
"Magic Fairy AI-chan, can you backtrace the Zork Network?"
"I'll try."
Those Zorks... they’ve finally managed to truly piss me off.
I could feel a quiet, cold fury rising within me.