Training finally finished, and I headed back to the boys' dormitory.
The incident with the invisible Zorks had blown up into a massive ordeal, officially labeled as an attack by the Kawagon.
Conspiracy theories like "The military has known about the Zorks for years" were already making the rounds. However, since the military couldn't exactly come out and admit the Kawagon was actually me, they were stuck.
Victory was mine!
When I reached my room at the dormitory, Wifey was already there, waiting for me.
“It’s been quite some time since we’ve had some quality time as a married couple, hasn’t it?”
“What’s up? Did something happen?”
Wifey shouldn't have had any free time right now. And yet, here she was. She clearly had some kind of business with me.
“Well... something has become a bit of a problem.”
“What has?”
“That simulator of yours.”
“Oh, that. Yeah, one of the ESP instructors mentioned something about it too.”
“It has become so popular that production cannot keep up with the demand.”
“Ho...”
Ah, yes—the "too many Masochistic Imperial Soldiers" problem.
“Intellectual property rights have become an issue as well.”
“That sounds like some heavy terminology...”
“In short, the money that should be going to Luna is the problem!”
“The Fairy said she’d give me the patent royalties.”
As if on cue, the Fairy appeared in my augmented reality. She wore a face that looked completely and utterly bored by the entire topic.
“I don’t need it. I’m a Mother AI, for crying out loud. I can generate as much money as I want. I already have a pool of funds tucked away.”
“She says she doesn’t need pocket change.”
“I figured as much.”
“Why doesn't Wifey just take it? You're the one in overall charge of us anyway.”
“In that case, the Lord Groom should be the one to take it.”
Why me? I suppose since Luna was royalty and I was her groom, it was treated as staying within the family. Probably.
It didn't match the civil laws I remembered... but probably.
Well, whatever. I might as well take what I was being given.
“As long as you provide an accountant.”
I already had income from the Marquis territory, after all. I might as well let a professional handle things.
“Very well. I shall send the approval request now.”
An [Approval] button appeared in my AR view, so I pressed it. Immediately, a notification popped up: [Funds Deposited].
“Wait, an immediate deposit? What the hell is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!!!”
An amount roughly equivalent to a lifetime's earnings had suddenly landed in my account!
“Hmm. Well, it is popular enough to be adopted by military forces across the galaxy.”
As I suspected, the Imperial Army was just a massive collection of masochists.
“Players grow stronger through this program. At first, they die in less than ten seconds, but those who can break through the 30-second barrier are considered top-tier. Those who last longer than a minute are ace pilots.”
“Personally, I think the real game doesn't even start until the number of Linear Blazers appearing equals the number of players,” I remarked.
The simultaneous firing of the Death Blaster... you could win if you just dodged the opening salvo, but still...
“Lord Groom... are you aware that you are the biggest masochist of all?”
Apparently, I was the Masochist King.
“But you know, if a strong Zork shows up, you’re dead if you can’t manage at least that much.”
“You’ve suddenly become very persuasive... It is true that they are enemies of the caliber where one might need to blow away half the Imperial Capital just to survive...”
“According to RPG logic, once you've defeated an enemy, you have to be able to beat them with normal equipment next time. And then they come back as powered-up versions in different colors.”
“Stop! When the Lord Groom says such things, they become reality!!!”
After that, I went to the cafeteria with Wifey, holding hands along the way.
It was time for food. Real food. No matter how much I ate, I was always starving. I’d had a physical recently, and my weight had actually decreased. It seemed my body was rapidly remodeling itself.
I’d always been lean and muscular, but now my abs were like a washboard. My male comrades were also getting noticeably buff. Curiously, the girls didn't look any different on the outside.
Was it possible we were evolving to match the Zorks?
I sat down for dinner with Wifey. She seemed to prefer this over fancy hotel dinners. It might lose to a first-class chef in terms of sheer refinement, but you couldn't beat a home-cooked meal. Home cooking was the ultimate.
Today’s menu: ginger pork, crab omelet made with imitation crab meat, salad, and pork miso soup. I was prioritizing protein!
It was so delicious I was practically trembling.
While we were eating, the girls arrived: Melissa and Ren. Melissa had a literal mountain of rice, while Ren had a mountain of ginger pork. Kevin was with them, too, though his plate was mostly vegetables.
Hmm? When exactly had I started counting Kevin as one of the girls? ...Better not to dwell on it.
My plate featured a crab-less "void" omelet with an extra serving of green peas. They were grown right here on this planet, so I’d asked for a mountain of them.
After the meal, I was given a huge pile of the leftover peas. Apparently, a massive shipment had just arrived from the Kamishiro territory. Thank you for your business!
I fried them in oil, sprinkled them with salt and MSG, and immediately found them being looted by the hungry teenagers. Wifey seemed to like them too.
Kevin, unable to just stand by, started helping me.
“Waaaaah!”
“Everyone’s eyes have changed! Fry them faster!”
At Kevin's urging, I cranked up the speed. I had seriously underestimated the power of teenagers starved for snacks!
Then, Nina-san arrived. Ah, reinforcements! Nina-san was a godsend!
“I brought some mochi to make into rice crackers. Let’s do it!”
Welcome to hell. I sprayed the mochi with oil and shoved it into the non-fryer. I left the seasoning of the finished crackers to Nina-san. Soy sauce and MSG—the flavor of victory.
Once everyone was finally satisfied, the three of us ate the leftovers.
“Should we get some actual food now...?” I muttered.
“We already ate, Gramps,” Kevin retorted.
“No, you see—I just got a massive windfall, and I was trying to figure out what to do with it.”
“The Lord Groom is quite the wealthy man now.”
“Well, he is a Duke, after all,” Melissa said, not quite grasping the details.
“So I thought I’d put it toward the food here.”
“You would never be able to spend it all on just that.”
“But Wifey, you’re in favor of improving the quality of the ingredients, right?”
“Umu.”
She wasn't against the idea. Besides, if I just spent it on small things, the money would vanish before I knew it anyway.
“I also want to use it for updates to the Fairy’s simulator. You know, bug fixes, graphic optimization, things like that.”
“Did someone call?”
The Fairy appeared.
“Yeah, I was saying I want to update the simulator. Polish the graphics and the fine details so it looks like a professional product.”
“I love it! It’s much better to have specialists handle that kind of thing. Though, just so we’re clear, I’ll kill you if you touch the main program.”
The Fairy was dead serious. My intuition was screaming at me—the sheer malice of someone who would plant an Empire-collapsing flag in the middle of a trivial update.
“Then, give me an estimate...”
“Oh, stop it—there’s no way your current funds will be enough! Hey, hey, Veronica-chan, why don't we start a company?”
“Oh, that sounds like a grand idea.”
“I’ll borrow the rest from the bank in Leo-kun’s name, okay?”
“...”
Question: Explain how it feels to go from being wealthy to being buried under a mountain of debt in a single instant. (10 points)
A. “N-no! Big sister! The debt is too muuuuch!!!” B. “Haaaaannn! S-something—the debt collectors—are coming~!” C. “Death confirmed.”
Money is a truly terrifying thing. I remained silent.