"Buh-nana..."
I had completely surrendered all cognitive function.
One of the boys muttered behind me.
"Th-this is bad... Even the great Leo has finally snapped."
We were hauled off in trucks while the local citizens watched from the sidelines. Still in my mentally broken state, I offered them a vacant wave.
We were transferred from the standard airport at the spaceport to a transport craft bound for the training base. Everyone else seemed to be in the middle of a school trip mood. Everyone except me, that is!
"Here, Husband. Have a banana."
Ren handed me the fruit.
"Buh-nana... ♪"
Bananas are delicious.
"Captain, come on... get it together. You're starting to freak me out."
Since it was a propeller-driven passenger craft, there wasn't a sudden [Parachute GO Shoot!] event. Back during my time at the Imperial Junior Academy, they had dropped us onto a snowy mountain without warning. I would never forget that grudge as long as I lived.
At least it was a warm season this time.
After a short flight, we touched down at a military base. For some reason, a unit in full combat gear was there to greet us.
"Hey, why are you guys so heavily armed?!" Melissa demanded.
A cold, detached voice answered her.
"This is a precautionary measure in the event that Captain Kamishiro attempts a serious desertion. Our apologies, but you'll have to bear with it."
"Buh-nana..."
"Wait... Captain, did you do something during the last camp?" Melissa asked, the gears finally turning in her head.
One of the guards acting as our escort spoke up.
"Have you ever heard the rumors of the simian cryptid known as 'Kawagon'?"
"Ah... that UMA that was all over the news back in our Junior Academy days? I remember the boys used to play 'Kawagon Expedition Team' all the time... Come to think of it, the Captain always looked disgusted whenever he saw them doing that..."
"Kawagon's true identity is Captain Kamishiro."
"...Huh?"
"Unable to endure the hunger during the snowy mountain training, Captain Kamishiro descended to the village at the base of the mountain to scavenge for food. He slipped right through the surveillance net of the Special Forces. However, because he was wearing the hide of a boar he had personally killed, he was mistaken for a UMA..."
"Captain, what the hell were you doing?"
"As expected of my husband," Ren added. "It seems he would survive even the extinction of the human race."
"Ah... I think I'm starting to get it now. Why the Captain can turn anything he finds into a weapon."
"And nobody even taught him! He spent the end of the training evading capture, and he was nearly discovered by the media right before it concluded..."
Bananas are delicious.
"I see... so that's why my husband is strangely wild despite being raised as a young master."
"I've always felt my husband's behavior was a bit Beast Race-esque."
Bananas are delicious.
"...Captain. You're just faking this breakdown to hide your embarrassment now that your secret's out, aren't you?"
"Me... no Kawagon... exchanged meat for vegetables."
"The nostalgic Kawagishi Village is just ahead, Captain."
"Kishaaaaaaaaaa!"
We arrived at the Kawagishi Village airport. They called it a 'village,' but it was really a tourist destination. Sightseers usually flocked here every year for camping or skiing.
I doubted there were many this year, though. Everyone was too busy with reconstruction work, sacrificing their vacations for the cause.
Despite being a tourist spot, the area offered a jungle experience in summer and a frozen mountain trek in winter. It even had patches of desert and wasteland. In other words, it was a perfect location for military training facilities.
Beyond the resort lay mountains with environments so harsh that skiers were strictly forbidden from entering. Currently, the landscape was a sprawling forest inhabited by wild boars and bears.
As soon as we stepped off the craft, our luggage was confiscated. Just as I'd feared.
"Alright, from this moment on, you will survive without equipment. This is a survival exercise."
I began picking up stones as I stepped into the woods. I marched deeper and deeper, moving with purpose.
This survival ground was a place I knew like the back of my hand.
"Look at Kawagon! Kawagon is returning to nature!" one of the boys taunted.
I whipped around and roared back. "Shut up! Pick up some stones, you moron!"
"Captain! You must participate in the survival exercise as well! You are the officer in charge!"
The answer is a hard no-de-gozaru.
But I had no power to refuse.
"Ugh, fine! Everyone, pick up stones!"
"What are we even going to use them for?!"
"Hunting, obviously."
First, I held my breath and waited. A bird landed nearby. Hunting was permitted during the camp. I took aim at the wild bird with a stone. These were wild creatures; any half-baked stealth would give away my bloodlust. I had to erase my presence entirely.
With a sharp zip, I threw the stone and took it down.
"Are you a primitive man?"
"We don't even do this on frontier planets!"
"Shut up! You lot, pluck the feathers!"
"What? Why?"
"We're making bows and arrows! Girls, you're on net production! The rest of you guys, build the shelters! You learned the theory in your textbooks!"
"We only know it on paper!"
"Oh, for the love of... Hey, Fairy! Teach these pathetic losers how it's done!"
"You got it! Line up, you trash!"
Under the fairy's guidance, the boys began setting up camp. I worked with a few of the more dexterous boys to craft bows and arrows. It would only be for three days, I figured. I knew we were being watched, but I planned to sneak out later and buy real food at the base of the mountain. I just had to endure until then.
That was the plan I'd formed in my head.
Then, one of the boys made a discovery.
"Hey, Captain. What's this?"
"Huh? What is it?"
Deep claw marks were carved into the trunk of a massive tree. They didn't look like they belonged to a bear. For one thing, the number of fingers was wrong.
...Yeah, I was going to pretend I didn't see that.
"Oh, that? Probably just a wild boar."
"That looks like a hand no matter how you slice it! Don't lie to me! It's a bear, isn't it?!"
The problem was that it wasn't a bear. But hey, it wasn't a guarantee that we'd actually run into it.
"Anyway, we're moving while making noise. Everyone, start singing the Space Marine Anthem!"
"Is this a Junior Academy field trip?!"
They sang while grumbling. The melody was irrelevant; it was a cheering-squad style where pitch was dictated solely by volume.
Night fell without us catching much prey. Everyone sat around their respective campfires, their faces masks of despair. Since it wasn't winter yet, this was effectively 'Easy Mode.' Compared to the sheer hopelessness of being hunted by a bear on a snowy mountain...
I let out a faint, knowing smile. Since everyone was getting feral with hunger, it was time to make my move.
"Alright, you starving lot. Rejoice. I'm going to share a brilliant strategy with you. We're going to execute a bug-exploiting operation for this camp."
"The fact that the Captain has such a wicked look on his face means this is going to be good... hahahaha..." Melissa gave a hollow laugh, her exhaustion evident.
"Exactly. In the middle of the night, we're going to raid the military facilities for food. Specifically, the potato field being tended to by the base personnel."
"...You're kidding, right?"
"According to the Fairy's analysis, desertion is a negative mark, but there's no penalty for 'raiding military facilities'! That means stealing military food is fair game!"
"Hahahaha! I knew I loved you, Captain! Let's do it!"
"Count me in, Leo!"
"Hell yeah! Let's go, Kawagon!"
Heh heh heh.
Don't underestimate a UMA. I smeared mud on my face—in both senses of the phrase.
Gwahahaha! I'll show them the fruits of our desperate battles! They'll rue the day they forced us here!
Or so I thought. I never imagined it would end up like that...