The day of my discharge finally arrived.
Even Fairy had refused to play with me, so I had been bored out of my mind.
So boooooored!!!
Once I switched back to normal meals, my recovery speed received a massive boost.
I ate with such fervor that I threatened to consume every frozen food item in the hospital.
I was essentially stress-testing the limits of my Sage healer ability.
Despite consuming an idiotic amount of calories, I had actually lost two kilograms by the time I was cleared to leave.
Are they going to be okay? My liver and kidneys, I mean...
Perhaps to prevent me from doing anything reckless, the military kept me in the dark regarding recent developments; I knew nothing beyond what was on the news.
Ren, her hand immobilized in a cast, and Melissa, who had a cast on her leg and was maneuvering on crutches, came to greet me.
"Man, we were discharged last week, but your room was strictly off-limits to us! Ahahahaha!"
"We were under strict orders not to place any unnecessary burden on you, Dear."
Furthermore, I was surrounded by military escorts who were practically vibrating with an intimidating aura.
The officer in charge was a Second Lieutenant.
"Captain! We have come to pick you up!!!"
Despite his professional intensity, his eyes were sparkling.
...It was exactly like a fan meeting their favorite idol.
"Thank you."
It would have been nice if I could have casually said something like, "Good work," but the man was clearly older than me.
Late twenties, maybe?
My rank was Captain, but I decided to be a good boy.
After all, more than half of my authority as a Captain was just Wifey’s power on loan.
I’m a man who knows how to read the room!
The moment we stepped outside the hospital, a staggering number of citizens were waiting.
"Captain Leo Kamishiro, the Hero of the Imperial Liberation, has just been discharged from the hospital!"
Does me leaving a hospital really warrant a news flash?
...Or was the Imperial Capital destroyed so badly that my discharge was the only positive story they had left?
"Banzai! Banzai! Banzai!"
Citizens I didn't even recognize were giving me three cheers.
...Who even are you people?
"Here is Captain Leo Kamishiro's profile. He is the third son of Marquis House Kamishiro and currently a Duke. His wife is Her Highness Veronica. His favorite sport is baseball. His favorite idol is..."
My favorite sport is pro-wrestling.
And my favorite idol... the only names that came to mind were ladies from adult videos...
"His preferred type is the pure and refined type."
My preferred type is a plain otaku friend I can talk about anime with!
The kind who would give a shy, awkward peace sign if they ever dressed up in an erotic cosplay.
In any case, it was painfully obvious the media was just making things up without doing any actual research.
I suppose I should just be glad I wasn't labeled a lolicon based solely on Wifey's appearance.
...Wait, does "pure and refined" imply exactly that?
We moved by car.
For the time being, I just waved my hand out the window for no particular reason.
"Are we going to the same hotel as before?"
Melissa and Ren shared a laugh.
"Nope. Where do you think we're going?"
"Eh...?"
When we finally stopped, we were at the Space Marines Headquarters.
This is a literal military fortress!!!
"They lent us this place to keep us safe!"
"But where are we staying?"
"Over there!"
We entered the headquarters grounds.
An ancient building came into view.
The sign read: Space Marine Officer Academy.
Ah, I see.
The Officer Academy!
Wait, the academy isn't a hotel!
"Are we seriously sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor!?"
"No. Over that way."
The car drove deeper into the academy grounds.
Past the research building, another wing became visible.
"The sign says 'Officer Academy Student Dormitory.'"
"It was scheduled for demolition, but they decided to repurpose it in a hurry."
"The girls' dormitory looks ancient on the outside, but it's actually clean inside~"
"It feels like a guesthouse on some backwater planet. It's actually kind of fun."
"Heh."
Well, that was a relief.
Then we arrived in front of the boys' dormitory.
"...Isn't this place prehistoric?"
What stood before me was a Showa-era apartment complex.
When I say "old," I don't mean forty years old; this was a historical recreation of something from centuries ago.
"Apparently, it was a fad to imitate historical architecture back when this was built," Ren informed me with a smile.
As expected, when she isn't snapping, she’s the intellectual Ren-san.
But man, some absolute moron must have designed this.
The first floor had been converted into a shopping street.
There was a commissary, a dining hall, and a communal bath modeled after a traditional public bathhouse.
It seemed the commissary wasn't currently open.
A shaping printer was set up so that textbooks and academic papers could be printed as physical paper books.
The dining hall was lined with brand-new vending machines filled with frozen food.
Frozen food life, confirmed.
"I mean, there's no way it was actually like this!"
This was taking the Showa-era knock-off aesthetic way too far.
The real things weren't this clean, and shopping streets in those old complexes were much more depressed.
"Maybe the architect just really wanted an excuse to build a communal bath?"
"Ugh..."
It was true that communal baths were a staple of officer academies.
Something about "building social skills."
At first glance, the place looked like a prison that happened to promise freedom.
"Aaaaaaaagh... I thought I was finally done with a life of stretching sheets and ironing!"
Bed-making and precision ironing.
If there was even a single wrinkle, the instructors would scream in your face and make you do push-ups.
Roll calls held at the most sadistic timings imaginable.
God... I want to quit and get a job in the private sector...
"You were doing exactly that until a few months ago. Why start complaining now?"
"Stop demanding athletic-club-style social skills from an Esper!!!"
"Dear, please rest assured. Nowadays, you won't be scolded for wrinkles; you'll be scolded to death if your personal shield deployment is a microsecond slow..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"What's with all the racket?"
A group of boys approached.
"Oh, if it isn't Leo! Hey, guys! The Captain is back!"
"Oh, Lord Captain! Whoo-hoo! Leave the rest to us. Come on, Captain! Show us that face of yours!!!"
I was immediately snatched up by the boys.
Stooooooop!!!
I was tied hand and foot and carried like a roast pig toward the dining hall.
"Leo... You're an expert on electronics, right?"
"What is it now?"
"Don't you think we'll literally die if we don't have internet access?"
"Hah?"
In a panic, I tried to call out Fairy... wait, the internet isn't connected here!!!
I can't even watch erotic videos!!!
I'll kill someone!!!
"Exactly. And now, for the main event. A package arrived from Luna... I mean, from Fairy."
The boys untied me and held out a sandbag.
Inside were the disassembled components of a high-end wireless router.
"...Oh?"
"The parts were smuggled in across several shipments, hidden inside crates of weapons and food. Can you put it together?"
"Leave it to me."
I don't think there's ever been a day where I was more grateful to be a STEM major.
Seriously, can't any of you guys do this yourselves?
You absolute muscle-brains!!!
I began the assembly.
Oho, Fairy managed to do this much using only off-the-shelf parts?
This is actually quite educational.
"I don't have any solder. Oh well. I'll substitute it using the repair mode of the nanomachines meant for mechanical restoration."
I put it together in record time and flashed the firmware.
A rock-solid system booted up instantly.
As expected of Fairy.
To manufacture something this high-quality in such a short amount of time... she's incredible.
Satellite communication. The provider name was Luna-net.
I see; so this is how Fairy was surfing the web for free.
"According to the instructions, we're supposed to conceal this inside a damaged wall... uh, Fairy says there are several spots where the structural integrity is failing..."
I went to the top floor following the provided data.
I see. A note read: 'Since this was investigated via non-destructive scans, if the wall proves too sturdy to break, please proceed to the next location.'
The first room was a storage closet.
There was a patch that looked like the wall had been repaired recently.
"Hammer."
"Here."
I swung the hammer with all my might.
The plasterboard shattered.
[Itchy. Tasty.]
"What terrible taste! Hah-hah-hah!!!"
"Right? Fairy really has a twisted sense of humor!"
The wall was already crumbling, so I smashed through it.
Wait?
I have a really bad feeling about this...
Surely there's no actual danger here.
A hole opened up. If I just bootleg a power outlet here and tuck the wireless router inside the wall, the mission will be complete.
I began clearing away the debris...
"Leo... what the hell do you think that is?"
It was a shriveled... human...
"...It's human jerky."
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Following that discovery, every resident in the dormitory fled the building and called for emergency services.
It turned into a massive scandal involving the Imperial Capital Police.
Apparently, it was a cold-case murder from decades ago!!!
I am so done with this ability!!!
As for the internet—I was scolded into the ground for it, but the installation was officially permitted afterward.