Ha ha ha.
My neck bone had a hairline fracture, so they'd bolted it in place with metal braces to keep me immobilized.
I was in a military hospital—the ICU, specifically. Probably a VIP ward.
A burly male nurse stood guard, watching over me... or rather, monitoring me to ensure I didn't do anything reckless.
My injuries were honestly no joke.
They were so severe that even nanomachine treatment and my ESP's auto-recovery couldn't keep pace.
A staggering sum of insurance money from the Military Mutual Aid Association had been deposited into my account.
Including portions from the past.
Even though I hadn't even applied for it.
Wait, wasn't military healthcare free for personnel?
...Could it be I was fired?
If that's the case, I'll just become Wifey's kept man until I find a new gig.
The Imperial Capital had been in upheaval ever since.
The citizens were livid.
Riots and arson attacks against facilities owned by the Dukes were breaking out all over the city.
Honestly, their rage was justified.
The panicked Empire spent a mere two days purging the Dukes left and right.
A wave of arrests for civil officials followed.
With the police's field units sidelined by injuries, the Military Police were having a field day.
Those of us stuck in the hospital watched the news, laughing our heads off.
Just as it looked like the military was poised to seize power, Wifey rolled into my room in a wheelchair.
"Lord Groom, we have a problem."
The one pushing her wheelchair as she said that was the General. I tried to bolt upright to salute, but several macho male nurses pinned me down.
"No, Leo-kun! At ease! Please, for the love of God, stay down!"
He seemed incredibly flustered.
"So... what's so bad?"
"The military has gained too much power."
"What's bad about that?"
"I'd love to wax poetic about civilian control and other formalities, but the police are out of commission and we've arrested far too many civil servants. Now, the military is stuck doing jobs it was never meant to handle..."
Ah, I know that feeling!
It’s exactly like the push to make me a Major!
I keep telling them I can’t do it because I lack the technical knowledge!!!
It's not that I can’t do it because I’m stupid! I'm saying I don't understand it because I haven't received the university education that comes before executive training!
Every field-promoted soldier in history hit a wall right there!
The military doesn't understand these administrative roles either because they haven't received education for police or civil official work!
...Though the military is a jack-of-all-trades, so they usually manage anyway.
"What are you going to do?"
The General answered.
"For now, we’re recalling retired civil servants. In the meantime, we’ll just have to ramp up recruitment."
Thought so...
The problems were piling up.
"How's Walter?"
Wifey's expression soured instantly.
Something definitely happened there...
"He's broken."
"Because Alexia turned out to be a grubby sixty-year-old man?"
Duke Hiroshi Sato, age sixty. I think it was unfair that he only looked like he was in his early twenties.
On that front alone, I pity Walter.
Even I think I would’ve been duped if Kevin had hidden his identity and approached me as a woman before I awakened my Jester's Ability.
I was saved by the fact that the Zork were sloppy...
"Mm. The shock was so great he won't leave his room. He's expressed a desire to withdraw from the succession race entirely... though the people around him aren't about to let him off that easily."
He did it.
I didn't have a shred of proof, but I knew. He definitely slept with him.
That's a stain on his reputation he'll never wash out.
"I should be careful too..."
"You should be fine, Lord Groom. Your 'dark history' is the kind of stuff people laugh about, right? The girls have turned the exposure of your sexual fetishes into a funny story and left it at that. Even with Kevin, if you forgive him, the matter ends there. But Walter is different. A whole district of the Capital was leveled, and countless people died. Heads of local noble houses fell in battle. It is not something that can be forgiven. Walter has earned far too much of the public's hatred. If he were crowned Emperor today, a revolution would break out by sunset."
Thinking about it, if I were in Walter's shoes, I'd want to die.
I didn't intend to drive him that far...
I just thought I'd win the succession race normally.
Ultimately, Walter will likely be the one forced to take the responsibility.
He probably won't face the death penalty, but as a member of the Imperial Family, he's effectively dead.
He was an unpleasant guy, but I actually feel a bit sorry for him.
"In that regard, we were the lucky ones."
"Even though we're all in hospital beds?"
"Getting seriously injured worked in our favor. We took the initiative to put our lives on the line to protect the people. At least, that's the narrative the public has embraced."
So Walter's the designated fall guy.
"Actually, the public is up in arms, shouting, 'Stop sending children to the front lines!' Consider this a mandatory vacation until you're fully healed. Lord Groom, don't you dare move a muscle!"
With that, Wifey rolled back out.
I was bored out of my mind.
So, I decided to summon the Fairy.
"Fairy, entertain me."
"No can do, I'm beat. Besides, Veronica-chan scolded me~"
She'd already made her move.
"Everyone else is hospitalized and I'm bored too! So bo-red!!! Oh, an intrusion was detected! Well, I'm off then!!!"
The Fairy vanished as well.
The only ones left were the nurses acting as monitors.
I suspected these nurses were actually non-commissioned officers.
Because they had the same scent as Huma-san.
"Look, I know the military and the hospital are swamped right now, so you don't really need to babysit me. I'm immobilized anyway."
"We are simply fulfilling our orders to nurse and guard the Captain."
No room for negotiation.
I stayed silent for a while.
I was bored.
"...Um."
I tried talking to the nurse again.
"What is it?"
Staaaaare.
Maybe I should just give up.
"Have you heard when I might be able to be discharged?"
"The military views the Captain's abnormally high injury rate as a problem. Assume that you will not be released for some time."
Oh boy...
ようやく怪我しすぎ問題が偉い人たちの議題に上がったか。The issue of me getting injured too much has finally made it onto the high command's agenda.
This is trouble.
For now, I'd better stay on the guards' good side.
"Understood. I'll be a good boy. But I'm too bored, so please talk with me."
"Acknowledged."
I said talk with me, but it wasn't like we had a conversation table.
I had no choice but to sleep.
When I woke up, it was evening.
Good grief, how many hours had I been out?
It seemed my body was truly worn out.
The guard was peering down at me.
Ah... he must have woken me up.
"I will call the doctor now."
"Okaay."
A doctor arrived instantly.
What!?
Why did he get here so fast?
"Captain. Listen carefully."
"Ah, yes?"
What?
"You are healing with abnormal speed. Therefore, we are removing the braces."
"Eh? That's it?"
"And one more thing."
"What?"
"Remnants of Walter’s faction are heading our way. We need to move you immediately."
"Pardon?"
Talk about an unexpected turn of events.