Sage Time... wait, it wasn’t like I was actually "playing" by myself!
I had tried to fantasize about Melissa’s breasts, but then Kevin’s chest flashed through my mind, and I felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on me.
Do you have any idea how that feels?!
In my head, that guy was still a dude!
Wait, what? Am I desperately denying it because he’s actually a man with "femboy potential"?
...Seriously, stop it.
...I’m changing the subject. Things were starting to look bad for me anyway.
Despite being a Jester, I had awakened as a Sage.
A Gadabout can become a Sage without the need for a Book of Sages. It was an ancient proverb.
The Jester’s advanced class was also the Sage.
Sages possessed overwhelming firepower, support capabilities, and could even handle the front-line roles that Jesters excelled at. They were the ultimate late-game powerhouses.
But! I! Didn't know how to use advanced-level ESP!
I had only ever used the beginner-level stuff. I’d ultimately decided that a plasma rifle was a better bet.
Yes, that was exactly what I was... the Golden Sage of Annihilation...
“Stop with the nonsense and just do it already!!!”
Ah, the Fairy saw through me! I was only blabbering to buy time because I had no clue what I was doing!
“Argh! Fine! For now, I’ll use the Linear Blazer Super Annihilation Beam (Nerfed) that was installed!”
Oh, that’s right, we had installed that. I’d forgotten.
I knew how to handle the Linear Blazer’s beam. I’d almost died because of it, so the sensation was burned into my memory after just one shot.
I used ESP as a trigger. For now, I’d go with easy-to-understand fire ESP...
“Gyapin!!!”
A bizarre screech erupted from the machine’s speakers.
“Wh-what?! My accumulated ESP is being sucked out...”
“Sorry, Edge! That’s probably my fault!”
A heavy, grinding zugogogogogo sound filled the cockpit. Even my ESP pool—which was ridiculously large for a starting Sage—was being drained at an alarming rate.
N-no! It’s being sucked out! It’s being suuuuuuucked dry!
“Small Duke, silence confirmed! You're good to go, Leo! It’s working like an Energy Drain, siphoning the enemy’s life force!”
Uwaaaaaa! Guts!!!
“Leo! Your heart rate is dropping! Think about something lewd!”
“I want to be sandwiched between Nina-san's thighs!!!”
“Perfect, Leo! Keep that up!!!”
“I want to be sandwiched by Melissa’s boobs!!!”
“Yes, yes! Just like that!!! Keep going!!!”
“I want to be under Wifey’s thumb!!!”
“Acknowledged. I have now broadcasted that sentiment to the entire Empire.”
“...Wait, what?”
What the hell was this AI doing? Why was she making the same face she had when she nearly killed me?
Hey, seriously, stop it!
The moment I felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on my head, it happened.
An explosive rampage of ESP.
Yes, thanks to a second round of Sage Time, my ESP increased exponentially.
“W-we did it! Leo, fire the Linear Blazer Super Annihilation Beam!!!”
I gave the command to fire the main cannon, which was under the Fairy’s control.
But Duke Hashimoto was no fool. He began firing the beam he had been charging as well.
His beam was still in its wind-up phase, not yet fully unleashed.
But I was furious. My rage at the sheer absurdity of the situation had reached its breaking point.
Broadcasting my fetishes to the entire Empire? That was crossing the line! Twitch, twitch!
“Hashimotoooooooooooooooaagh!!!”
I would never forgive him!
Shrouded in an aura that covered my entire body, I dove straight into the beam Hashimoto had unleashed.
“Uwoooooooooooooooooo!!!”
Bracing against the beam with my aura, I howled like a berserker.
My life began to flash before my eyes.
- Age three: caught passing around my dad’s hidden porn magazines with Big Brother Sam. I got scolded into oblivion. Boobs.
- Age five: got in massive trouble for trying to buy an eroge.
- Age six: moved to tears by a lewd video I found on a stray media drive at the riverbank. I ended up frying the terminal with a virus.
It was around that time my dad started worrying that if he didn't put me in the army, I’d end up in prison... Hey, wait a damn minute!!!
Why is my life flashing before my eyes now?!
Ah, am I actually dying...? I’m so weak.
This! All of this! Even the virus on that media drive!
It had to be part of Hashimoto’s conspiracy!!!
I’ll kill him!!!
“Daryaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
I wound up my arm.
I slammed my fist forward like Hanayama Kaoru.
Grip strength x weight x speed... plus the added power of my delusions. My fist literally tore the beam apart.
“That idiot... the idiot actually did it...”
Edge, see me in the staff room later. You're getting a lecture.
“Our idiot... just erased a beam using a method that shouldn't exist.”
Fairy... I’m going to make you cry in our next game. Just you wait!!!
“Uwaaaaaaaannn!!! (I can’t take this pervert anymore!!!)”
Even the Duke started crying.
Wait, why could I understand the Zork’s language now...?
Whatever. I’d worry about it later.
And then, I fired the beam.
...Wait? Thinking about it calmly, wasn't Edge supposed to be the one firing the ESP...? Oh well.
“Take thiiiiiiiiiiis!”
Linear Blazer Super Annihilation Beam.
I felt like it had been called the Death Blaster before, but if I let that bother me, I’d already lost.
Probably not a single person remembered the old name anyway.
Ah, I could hear that theme song sung by a man with a deep, husky voice playing in my head.
Was the Linear Blazer itself some kind of cursed tool? Every item related to it was weird.
As the theme song played, the Jester-exclusive Machine began to glow.
I didn't install a feature like that!!!
“Death Blasterrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!” I tried to shout.
But my voice was converted.
“Linear Blazer Super Annihilation Beeeeeeeeeeeeam!!!”
The Will of Gaia interfered?!
The beam was unleashed.
It was over in an instant.
A massive, planet-cracking beam swallowed Hashimoto whole.
“Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
Hashimoto’s body disintegrated.
This wasn't plasma, was it? This was some kind of unknown beam!
I hoped I wouldn't have to fire it again.
Hashimoto was reduced to nothing but chunks of meat.
And so, an incident that was supposed to be our greatest crisis ended in an overwhelming victory.
Sorry for stealing your spotlight, Edge...
But seriously, what do I do now?
This wasn't just “ignoring the source material” anymore—this was on a whole other level!