Melissa was occupied with her homecoming and the administrative management of the soldiers deployed to the Viscount territory.
My fiancée, meanwhile, was busy negotiating the boys' future homes—or more accurately, their "sales destinations" as prospective grooms.
As for me, I spent my days in the Pirate Territory colony, weeping as I churned through endless paperwork.
To be honest, once our troop count crossed the ten-thousand mark, simple movement alone became a catalyst for constant accidents.
Equipment failures were a daily occurrence.
Fighters wouldn't start, ships wouldn't move.
The kitchens in the Pirate Territory were constantly breaking down, and even the toilets were getting clogged.
Just as I was on the verge of death from the stress, Huma-san brought me some coffee.
Huma-shannn!!!
"Well, considering we’re dealing with general soldiers, I’d say this is a job well done."
"Wait... does that mean the guys from the Imperial Officer Academy are... actually competent?"
It was so obvious I hadn't even noticed it until now.
The sheer excellence of knowing not to flush paper documents down the toilet.
It'll clog instantly! I'll kill them!
"I'd say they’re the best of the best just for the fact that they don't juggle grenades or peer down their own muzzles."
"Just what is the average level of the Imperial Army!?"
"Well, it's mostly second and third sons from local planets. Their education isn't even high enough to get into the Academy. That’s why us non-commissioned officers have to beat them into shape."
I should stop treating Big Brother Sam like an idiot.
The bottom of the barrel in this world is way more extreme than I thought.
"I think you’re doing a great job, Captain. For proof, look at the fact that we've had zero fatal accidents from playing with grenades so far."
"Come again?"
"And we haven't had a single death from the 'game' of vaporizing energy pack contents to huff the fumes."
"Whaaaaaaaaaat?"
"No one's been hospitalized for eating explosives, either."
"Is this place hell?"
"Half of this expedition consists of conscripts. On top of that, university students are exempt from the draft. So, most of these are eighteen-year-old brats with no education. Asking to turn them into useful soldiers is a tall order. All us NCOs can do is beat them enough to ensure they aren't a total liability."
It seemed I had drastically underestimated war.
"My first battlefield was the same way. I had this nasty corporal. He’d scream, he’d punch... once, when someone lost a targeting sight, he made the whole unit search in the rain until it was found. He was a lump of irrationality. I spent every day thinking about how I’d kill him eventually... But then, one day, we went into actual combat against pirates, and everyone but me was wiped out. That corporal started wailing like a baby. I realized then that he’d been strict because he didn't want us to die... Well, that’s just how it is at the bottom of the ranks."
"Can I call you Big Brother Huma?"
"Call me 'Big Brother' and I’ll never help you again."
"Yes, sir."
"Anyway, Captain, leave the toilet incident to me. I’ll make sure to beat some sense into them."
"Sergeant, you’re a lifesaver."
"I’ve found some surviving NCOs. I’ll coordinate with them. Also, please increase the military police presence."
"Understood. We can't be causing trouble for the people in Lily’s territory."
"No, that’s not it. If we don't crack down properly, their lives won't be guaranteed. If the people here think you’re looking down on them, they won't stop until they’ve taken your head."
"My! How aggressive!"
I hurriedly sent the request to the Fairy.
Please, let there be no casualties.
"How are the nobles?"
The Dukes were being kept in isolation.
If left to their own devices, they’d only do something unnecessary.
"They’re being quiet enough."
If they even dreamed of plotting my fiancée's assassination, I’d kill them where they stood.
The plan was for the majority of the Duke Association to go into retirement. Given they’d nearly killed members of the Imperial Family, I thought that was a fairly moderate response.
Hashimoto's direct subordinates would be executed after their trials, and his house would be abolished. That was unavoidable. There was nothing more I could do, and I had no intention of saving them.
Furthermore, several of the Duke houses belonged to the families of the boys from the Academy. In those cases, I had no choice but to make the boys the new heads of their houses—while keeping the citizens of their territories as metaphorical hostages, of course.
I felt like I’d accidentally created some kind of monstrous faction, but I really didn't want to take responsibility for it.
Ugh, how depressing.
Suddenly, the colony shook with a heavy thud.
It was likely the sound of construction. I was already used to it.
"Sorry about the noise."
"It’s fine. Construction is what it is."
While the new colony had its outer hull, the interior construction would take years. They were building public transportation and administration buildings. We’d also set up schools and hospitals.
We’d even managed to scout out doctors and nurses with criminal records. They really were out there if you looked.
We even established a satellite school for the Imperial Capital Accounting College—the kind where people study independently using video lectures.
Administrative staff wanted! You can earn a fortune right now! Please! Come work for us!!!
Because of that, we were in the middle of a massive construction rush. Outside, a truck horn let out a loud "Pa-paaan!"
...Does everywhere I visit end up having an economic boom?
Even though my only talent is destruction.
"Compared to the expeditionary soldiers, don't the people in the Pirate Territory seem a lot more intellectual?"
"Well, they’re pirates who have survived this long. I suppose that’s a testament to the Lady’s father’s greatness."
I guess so. They’ve managed to restrain themselves enough to stay off my fiancée's radar. You can't do that unless the leadership is smart.
Hmm... I’ll recommend Lily for the rank of Countess along with her retainers.
I was trying to end the day on a pleasant note like that. However, this was war. And what’s more, it was war against an opponent you couldn't communicate with.
An emergency transmission came in from the Fairy.
"Leo-kun! Run, now! The Duke transformed!"
Footage from a surveillance camera was immediately pushed to my screen.
It was one of the Dukes—an executive of the Duke Association scheduled for the death penalty.
"Let me out! Who do you think I am?! I am the Vice Chairman of the Duke Association—"
At first, I thought he was just being an idiot, and I understood the sentiment. But gradually, his behavior turned bizarre.
"Let... me... Who... am... I?"
He began slamming his head against the wall with sickening force. Soldiers rushed in to restrain him, but in the next heartbeat, the Duke swiped his hand and sent a soldier’s body flying.
The soldier hit the wall and went limp. Then, the Duke tore the door off its hinges with his bare hands and walked out with eerie calm.
...Oh boy.
"I wanna go ho-me."
"Captain, get back here!"
Waaaaah!
I haven't even had my fiancée do any cosplay for me yet!
"Maids! Succubi! School swimsuits! Do you not know what victory looks like!?"
"Captain, you’re panicking so hard I have no idea what you’re saying!"
"God damn it all!"
You Dukes... not only are you incompetent, but you come with a horrifying bonus like this?!
And so, the duo of a middle-aged veteran and a pervert was formed.