We took a roundabout route toward the territory of the space pirates.
Securing this sector would make our liberation efforts dramatically easier. We could even use it as a staging ground to liberate the home planets of my crew. However, while the area held immense strategic value, it didn't exactly pay the bills. It might have been a different story if we had another source of income, like charging exorbitant tolls, but for now, we simply approached the system openly.
A few civilian ships and military destroyers from several generations ago crossed our path, but the moment they spotted our battleship, they fled at full speed. "Pirate Hunter Veronica" was a name that carried weight.
We intentionally slowed our pace as we advanced. Just as we neared the asteroid belt, a communication request came in. It was audio-only.
"Are you the Pirate Hunter Veronica?"
The voice belonged to a young woman. My wife answered.
"I am. And are you 'Noble-killer Lily,' the leader of the Pirate Guild?"
"I'm the second generation, but yeah."
"It matters not. In the name of the Empire, I have been commanded to establish a forward base in this star system."
"Ha! Don't make me laugh! What could the Empire possibly do at this late stage?"
"Oh? Is that how it is? In that case, I suppose I shall have to play my trump card. Lord Groom, bring her out!"
"Ehhh, do I have to? I don't want to."
"Bring her out!!!"
"Sorry, Lily-san. I can't say no to my wife."
"It's okay, Leo-kun. I'm not mad, so let's go."
Such composure! Such kindness! Was she a goddess or the Holy Mother herself?
This was the chubby and gentle Nina-san. She was convinced that her weight made her unpopular, but every boy on the ship—excluding Kevin—viewed her with a distinct sexual interest. Including me!
"Uh, Lily-san? This is our hostage, Nina-san."
"Nina?! What are you doing there?!"
"Hey, big sis! Long time no see~" Nina said with a cheerful wave.
Good grief! She was so healing!
As I writhed in internal agony at her cuteness, my wife suddenly kicked me. This girl... she definitely read my mind!
"Direct those lecherous eyes of yours toward me!"
Jealousy, huh? I really have become a big shot...
"Stop crying for joy."
That was the end of the farce. Now, for the actual negotiation with Lily.
"Why, Nina?! Did you betray your own sister?!"
"No, it's not like that. See, this cool guy here? His name is Leo-kun."
"Wait... Leo... The man serving Her Highness Veronica...?! You don't mean Leo Kamishiro?!"
"Yep, that's the one."
"The Strongest Knight of the Empire?!"
In this world, a "Knight" is a title granted to those who enlist in the military, complete a specialized training course, and pass the exams. Holding the title provides a slight bump in salary. While the immediate pay is a pittance, the pension is paid out from retirement until death, so it's nothing to scoff at. Of course, there was no way a student like me actually held such a title. It was purely an exaggerated rumor.
"Wait, you're him, aren't you?! The one from the rumors about the student modified in secret!"
Well, that was a mix of truth and fiction. I was modified. However, the plan was for my line to end with my generation. Instead, we ended up multiplying. Tee-hee. The truth was that I had turned out to be a Jester throwback. I honestly didn't think humans with the Jester factor were that rare; most people probably just never realized they had it.
Regardless, Lily was absolutely terrified by the tall tales surrounding me.
"Y-You're the leader of that group of modified brats called the 'Hellhounds,' aren't you?!"
"Hmm, that's the first I've heard of that name."
Nina tilted her head in confusion along with me. The "Hellhounds"? Who was that supposed to be? My classmates from the Officer Academy?
"I heard you crushed those Zorks with overwhelming, monstrous power!"
"Now, that part is actually true," Nina confirmed.
"I knew it! You've come to kill me!"
"That part is a lie."
"Then what the hell do you want?!"
"We're asking for permission to build a base. And if possible, Leo-kun said he'd make you a Lord, big sis."
"What?"
"The nobility will be thinned out during this expedition anyway," Veronica added. "No one will notice if the number of Lords increases by one or two."
"Wait, 'thinned out'?"
"They will die."
"Nina, help! This girl is terrifying!"
"It's okay, big sis. Veronica-chan is actually very sweet. You see, when Kevin-chan tried to assassinate Leo-kun, she declared, 'From this day forth, this person is my court lady. If anyone has a complaint, they can take it up with me!' She did it to make sure Kevin didn't get bullied!"
Oh, so my wife was looking out for her after all. She really is soft on her inner circle!
"Wait a second... she tried to kill her husband?" Lily asked.
"Uh-huh."
"And the Princess protected her even though she tried to kill her husband?"
"Yep."
"That's horrifying! The love-hate drama lurking behind the scenes is way too intense!"
It wasn't a love-hate drama. It was just that my wife and I were both softies. But I suppose I could see how it looked from the outside.
"Jeez, big sis! It's not like that!"
"No matter how you look at it, it’s a muddy love-hate mess! What are you kids even doing?! You're still students!"
"Enough of this!" my wife finally snapped. Her face was crimson, and she was trembling. It seemed she was weak against public embarrassment. Humiliation play, huh? Maybe I should try—no, I value my life. I’ll stop there.
"...You really don't intend to kill me?"
"We have no time to waste fighting other humans. Besides, if I intended to kill you, I would have simply overrun your position without a word."
My! Such persuasiveness! It was true—she wouldn't have bothered with a conversation.
"...Fine. Turning the camera on."
A video feed appeared where there had only been static before. It showed a mature woman who had clearly put effort into her makeup. She knew exactly how to play up her charms. She was quite the beauty. And yet, she was wearing rugged work clothes. Leo-chan's heart was doing flips.
"Lord Groooom!"
"S-So this is the legendary pirate leader... gulp. What incredible charisma!" I shouted, trying to cover my tracks.
I think I pulled it off! I definitely pulled it off, right?!
"We shall have a very thorough discussion about this later," Veronica whispered.
It didn't work. I was doomed.
"I am the Second Noble-killer Lily."
"I am Pirate Hunter Veronica. And this man here is the 'Chihuahua of Hell,' Leo Kamishiro."
"Kyunn..." I whimpered.
"Based on his size, shouldn't he be a Golden Retriever?" Lily remarked.
"Whimper."
I love food and walks. I love girls even more. My special skill is making a cute face.
"He's a strange one... your husband."
"He has a certain charm, doesn't he?"
"Oh, stop it, you two! Leo-kun actually started doing a dog impression!" Nina said, though she was laughing right along with them.