Planet Caron.
It was a neighboring world to Baron Ohno’s territory.
The locals caught fish on Planet Ohno to trade for agricultural products on Caron; it was a partnership that had continued for ages.
Unlike Planet Shiramber, Caron possessed a natural environment capable of supporting agriculture. However, there was very little habitable land for humans... Hm? Why was that?
"Hey, wifey. Isn't Planet Caron a bit weird? Why is there so little land for people to live on if agriculture is possible?"
"Good catch. I’ll open a channel to Ohno."
The old man Ohno was visibly panicked the moment he answered.
"H-hold on! I have nothing to do with this! They’ve always been protective of their planet. That’s why we’ve always conducted our business at the satellite station!"
"Did you never find that suspicious?" Veronica asked.
"Even if I did, what could I do? I’m just a backwater Baron. Sure, we’d swap small talk during trades, and I gathered what info I could that way, but they never sold us anything dangerous."
"And the residents? What does their representative, Celeste, have to say?"
"Nothing much. Just that the crabs attacked."
"Isn't that suspicious as hell?" I couldn't help but interject.
"Suspicious or not, you don't interfere in private matters. It's the same at the Imperial Officer Academy, isn't it? As long as it doesn't involve you personally, you stay out of it."
I felt like something about that logic was slightly off.
"And if it’s a crime?"
"So what? A lord's job is to govern his own planet. I don't give a damn about what other houses are doing. That's the Empire's problem. What are you expecting from a backwater Baron like me?"
I suppose he had a point.
"Speculating won't get us anywhere," Veronica declared. "Summon Celeste."
And so, the three of us gathered in the conference room for interrogation time.
Celeste was a man with a scarred face who looked like a former soldier. Ohno’s face twisted into a devious grin as he addressed him.
"Hey, Celeste. You have something to say to me, don't you?"
"Ah... um... well..."
My wife’s expression turned equally wicked. "Do you intend to defy the Imperial Family? You have quite the nerve. In the worst-case scenario, I could always authorize a Planet-destroying Missile..."
This was, of course, a threat. Destroying a planet was generally discouraged because the loss of mass would disrupt the gravity of surrounding worlds. Usually, they just glassed the surface—though they might actually follow through if the opponent was a Zork. After all, they had dropped a colony on the Imperial Capital Planet before.
"I-I'll talk! So please, for the sake of the people's lives..."
"Out with it, then."
"Well... you might not believe me, but... please look at this."
Celeste sent a file from his terminal. It was a report with several images and a video attached.
Let's see here. I skimmed the text first.
[Regarding the Infectious Disease (?) Causing Men to Transform into Women]
Excuse me?
[Cause cannot be identified]
Pardon?
[Infected individuals have begun claiming they will become one with god]
Come again?!
I hurriedly checked the images. It showed a planet filled with nothing but women. Every single one of them was a beauty, but the look in their eyes was unsettling.
Then I watched the video. A group of women appeared on screen.
"I'm Zulbag Azinsky!" one woman shouted. She wore a tank top and was incredibly beautiful, but her clothes were a complete mismatch for her size. She was so large that her chest looked like it was about to spill out of the fabric. "Hey! Fix me already! I’m a man!"
It was a scene I had become far too familiar with lately. I felt an overwhelming sense of mental fatigue.
"Lord Groom... we witnessed a very similar case quite recently."
"Yeah..."
"What are you guys talking about?" Only Ohno, who was in the dark about Kevin’s true nature, didn't understand.
"Uhm, by any chance, are the guys who turned into women extremely busty?"
"Eh? How do you know that!?"
Oof. It really was a Kevin-related matter.
"Let's call Kevin."
Kevin arrived a few minutes later, her chest swaying with every step. Because the situation was so troublesome, I didn't feel even a flicker of arousal.
"What? Did you need something?"
"Hey... what did you think of the Zork when you were brainwashed?"
"That they were my creators and gods? I thought connecting to the Zork Network and becoming a part of them was the ultimate state of being. I don't feel that way now, though."
...Just as I thought.
"Listen, I need you to stay calm. We’ve found a planet full of Humanoid Zorks."
"...Seriously?" Kevin froze.
A planet with a massive population of people like Kevin... Wait a minute. If I went there, I'd probably be killed.
"Wait... isn't that place my natural enemy?"
"Shall we send Piggett?" Veronica suggested.
"Hey, what have you been talking about for a while now? Could you finally explain it to me?" Ohno demanded, having reached his limit for staying quiet.
I had no choice but to break it down for him. "Old man, this person used to be a Humanoid Zork—and a dude."
"There's no way a broad with a rack that big used to be a guy. Besides, I know my way around breast augmentation. I can tell just by looking—those are 100% natural."
"You'd think so, right? But that chest only appeared in the last month. Before that, she was a he, and he was trying to kill me."
"Why is he still alive, then?"
"I'd have a hard time sleeping if I killed a classmate."
"You’ve really suffered, haven't you..." Ohno said, directing a voice of genuine pity toward Kevin. "To think you’d be unlucky enough to run into Leo."
I felt a vein pop. "Hey, old man. Why does it feel like I, the one who was shot at, am the perpetrator here?"
"Well... because you're Leo."
That old man... he was starting to get a real grasp of my reputation. He had no mercy whatsoever.
"It's your own fault for being such an entertaining freak of nature!" I snapped.
"That's cruel!" Kevin cried. Then, she turned back to me. "So, what should I do?"
"Tell me the Humanoid Zork's weakness. We can't let them escape to other planets, but we can't just slaughter them either. We have to capture them."
"Weakness... let's see." She pointed at me. "The Jester?"
"Isn't that more of a weakness for the Jester?"
If a young girl approached, most humans would let their guard down regardless of gender or age.
"But I think I could have definitely killed anyone who wasn't a Jester," Kevin added. "I thought it would work because clones don't inherit the Jester's factors. That ESP of yours is basically cheating."
"But isn't it better to just be directly strong?"
"I think your ability is more troublesome than raw strength. You nullify every plan we come up with."
"Isn't it better to just burn them all away?" Ohno suggested with his usual extreme logic.
Then my wife, who had been deep in thought, finally spoke up. "In Kevin's case, was he liberated after the Node was killed?"
"No. Some boys accidentally gave me alcohol as a gift. When I drank it, the brainwashing broke."
"So, in other words," I summarized, "the Zork didn't account for the ecology of insane creatures that enjoy consuming substances that poison the brain for fun."
"Yeah, that's about right."
"Alcohol! Bring me alcohol!" Veronica commanded. "We'll turn it into a gas and scatter it across the entire planet!"
Wow. Now that was a strategy that sounded like it would get us a stern lecture from the higher-ups.