I gazed at the night view from the window of our limousine.
Our destination was an evening party hosted by Duke Conrad. Apparently, the Duke’s estate had been destroyed in a Zork attack, so the event was being held in the grand ballroom of a luxury resort hotel on the coast of the Imperial Capital.
They had reportedly steamrolled a nobility social dance club into postponing their own event to make room for this one. I heard the noble old-timers had been out playing golf since early morning, followed by a luncheon with the irritatingly pretentious name of a "power lunch."
I didn't care for the vivid details of their day; it had nothing to do with us.
The House of Duke Conrad sat roughly fifth from the top in the hierarchy of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. According to what I’d been told, being fifth from the top meant he had enough authority to do whatever he wanted within the Ministry, but possessed very little actual influence outside of it. He was essentially a small-timer who got his kicks from making subordinates and contractors call him "Your Excellency."
Well, that was fine. The real problem was...
"Why are you wearing a dress?" I asked.
Kevin’s expression turned utterly hollow. "...The dress uniform wouldn't fit."
"Oh? Did you put on weight?"
"It's my chest! My chest! It wouldn't fit at all!"
Kevin was squeezed into a dress that aggressively emphasized his boing, curves, and bam. Yet, the fact that the ensemble didn't look vulgar was a testament to the profound depths of fashion design.
I really wished he would stop blushing, though. Seriously, Kevin, you're a charisma-specialized build, aren't you? I suspected that if the Zork had put their effort into this strategy, they could have wiped out humanity without ever firing a shot. The enemy's understanding of human nature was far too shallow.
Kevin had used a wig to extend his hair, which was already long for a boy. No one would ever guess he used to be a guy. I was actually starting to look forward to the hellish scramble for his attention that was bound to break out.
We headed inside. The armed Imperial Guard stayed behind to wait outside the venue while I escorted my wife. Claire and the others followed closely behind us.
The hall was filled with crusty old men and their children. There were also a few solitary attendees scattered about.
"Her Highness Veronica has arrived. Please welcome her with applause."
We were greeted by a wave of clapping. My wife stepped forward regally and took the microphone from the emcee.
"We have all been exhausted by the great incidents of the past few days. I am deeply grateful for your consideration. Please, enjoy yourselves."
With that brief statement, she handed the mic back.
Now then, time for the food. It was a buffet-style setup, but there was an unusual amount of shrimp. Why?
"Someone must have overheard Lord Groom mention that he 'wanted to eat lobster' at the palace," Veronica whispered. "It seems they've assumed shrimp is your favorite food."
"...That’s a little terrifying."
"I’m going for the meat!" Melissa declared, charging toward the carving station. However, she sensed something strange and came scurrying back. "T-They have dishes from my hometown... They researched me! That’s scary! So scary!"
Melissa’s hometown was part of a Japanese cultural sphere. Sure enough, there were rows of sashimi and other familiar dishes.
"Melissa, they have bluefin tuna fatty belly. Why not have some? It’s not very popular here, so it’s basically all-you-can-eat."
"That’s not the kind of thing you’re supposed to eat in bulk..."
I suppose she had a point.
"Leo-kun, Leo-kun, they even have food from my mother’s home planet..." Ren said, looking stunned. Apparently, it was the meat of a delicious giant lizard. It was supposed to taste like chicken but with a much richer flavor.
They had thoroughly researched every single one of us.
"What about the food from your place, Claire?"
"My home planet is full of horticultural farmers... but look at those figs. They’re a specific variety that you can't find in supermarkets. They have a caramel strawberry flavor and they're delicious."
"How did they even get them?"
"The Duke or one of his cronies must have grown them personally. And look at those bananas. Those are also a specialty horticultural variety."
Terrifying. Investigating us to this extent was just plain creepy.
"What about you, Kevin?"
"My family lives in a colony, so it’s the same as the Imperial Capital. Mostly frozen food."
At least they didn't have anything from my Agricultural Cooperative. No green beans or bell peppers for me!
I was starting to understand the terrifying nature of high society. I couldn't even taste the food anymore—yet I ate the lobster anyway. I had Melissa and Ren feed me some of their local dishes, and Claire brought over fruit while providing commentary. It was actually quite nice. My wife seemed to be having a good time as well.
Once we finished our light meal, the nobles began to approach. First was my wife. She was invited over by a haughty-looking old man and began chatting with a group of geezers. I thought about joining her, but she signaled that she was fine.
Then, a group with medals clinking just like mine struck up a conversation.
"Lord Leo, thank you for coming today. I am Count Rancid of Public Security. I have heard much about you..."
Public Security! Was I under suspicion for something?
"Hahaha, please don't be so guarded. I just wish to speak with you for a moment."
My stomach suddenly began to ache.
"Melissa! You come here too!"
"Me too? Oh, Captain. Uncle Lenny is okay."
"You know him?"
"Yeah, he's my dad's boss."
"That's the connection!?"
"Hahahaha. It seems Melissa is always in your care," the Count said.
"No... we've crossed the line between life and death together many times, so I think the feeling is mutual. Uh, so, did you need something?"
"Hahahaha. Well, you see, I heard from Raymond, the military lawyer, that there was an interesting fellow here."
He was connected to Raymond as well!
"I see."
"Right, let's get to the point. One of your mistresses is a Humanoid Zork, isn't she?"
"That’s not right!" He's not my mistress! That is definitely not the case!
"Yes, yes, I understand. It must be a shock to realize your lover is a Zork. I don't like investigating Leo-kun's lover either, but... this is part of the job..."
"I told you, that's not it!" I shouted. He's not my lover!
"Now, now. I just want to understand the patterns; I won't do anything to hurt you."
He wasn't listening at all. I had no confidence in my ability to explain the situation. Regardless, Kevin was absolutely not my lover!
"Uncle, Leo’s panicking so hard he’s losing his words," Melissa interjected. "Why don't you just ask her yourself?"
"Oh, right. Uh, where is she?"
"That pair of tits over there, the one surrounded by all the guys."
"Hey! A young lady shouldn't use such crude language... Wait, what is with that rack?"
"It’s incredible, right? Look at them. The men are biting like fish during a feeding frenzy."
Kevin was indeed surrounded. The men's gazes were roughly eighty percent on his chest and twenty percent on his ass.
"That girl... was a boy until recently, right?"
"Yeah, I knew him when he was a guy."
"How is she so sexy!?"
"Maybe it's a coincidence? It seems the Zork didn't understand humans very well and just made that race haphazardly."
"That’s 'ruiner of nations' level beauty."
"Right? Even the idiots in our group are starting to go a little crazy."
"Ugh... I’m going to go make a report. Melissa! She looks like she's in trouble, so go help her out."
"Gotcha."
For once, even I was completely repulsed by the situation.