「Eh? I can’t use the Shaping Printer!?」
I’d wanted to make a mask to hide my identity, but I was told that weapons and ammunition took priority. Left with no other choice, I poked some holes in an agricultural burlap sack and used it as a makeshift mask, securing it by tying a rope around my neck.
I headed over to where Edge and Coco were. They weren’t students of the Imperial Officer Academy, and while the Imperial Guard usually gave them lessons whenever they had a free moment, everyone was currently swamped. For now, I just had them getting used to the environment until they could learn how to operate the machinery and start working.
Left to their own devices, the two were practicing their sparring with wooden swords.
「Edge! Here I come!!!」 Coco shouted as she lunged.
Coco was a Jester, just like me. She unleashed a vertical slash, a horizontal swing, and a thrust—a splendid Triple Strike.
Do all Jesters just naturally love close combat? I wondered.
Edge parried the blows with practiced ease. Growing up in a civilization where bladed weapons were a daily necessity clearly made a difference. They were both remarkably skilled.
However, as their mentor, I felt obligated to offer some vague, profound-sounding advice. First, I needed a utility pole to perch on... but there weren’t any!!! I decided to climb a tree instead.
I scrambled up the trunk. I was a backwater noble, after all; the great outdoors had been my only playground. I was a natural at climbing trees, but once I stood up on a branch... Whoa, this is actually pretty high.
Re-entering the atmosphere from space didn’t scare me, but the awkward, middling height of a tree was terrifying. My knees started to tremble.
「Fuhahahahahahahahaha! Young man!!! You seem to be troubled!!!」
「Leo, what are you doing?」 Edge asked flatly.
That was strange. I was sure I’d hidden my face.
「I mean, you’re wearing your combat suit,」 Edge pointed out. 「And I’d know that voice anywhere!」
Maybe I should have used a Voice Changer. Coco looked up at me as well.
「Ah, it’s Leo-san! What’s up? Are you going to train us?」
「Ahem! I am not Leo.」
Edge immediately retorted to my denial. 「Leo-san, you’re the only person I know who would randomly climb a tree. Besides, what is with that serial killer-like burlap sack...」
「Because I couldn’t use the Shaping Printer, okay!?」
「Could you stop throwing a tantrum like a child? That look is a fatal disaster on you!」
「Gunununu...」
I had no comeback for that. I decided to just lean into it and ignore him.
「Guhaha! Now, come at me!」
「I mean, I’m happy you’re training us, but...」
Odyryaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
We fought... a lot. Eventually, Coco and Edge were lying flat on their backs on the ground.
「Leo-san... you’re way too ridiculous...」
「I got beaten up without being able to do a single thing... This is so frustrating!!!」
「Well,」 I said, 「if you learn Imperial Style Swordsmanship properly, you can do this much.」
「Pant... pant... Liar!!! This is completely different from the swordsmanship the Imperial Guard taught us!!!」
「It can’t be helped! I was forged in the fires of actual combat! This is a strategy I devised through real-life-or-death situations!」
「Pant... pant... You manipulate the distance so we can’t land a hit. You strike high and low until you basically vanish from sight. Even though you moved more than we did, you aren’t even out of breath... You’re a total monster... pant... pant...」
「Anyway, anyway, so what’s been bothering you? I’ll listen.」
「The problem just vanished! Am I really supposed to aim for that level... pant... pant...」
「I finally found a goal, but now I’m just depressed...」
「O-Oh. I see.」
「If I have to be honest!」 Edge shouted.
「Oh? A real worry?」
「We’re bored! Give us some work!!!」
He had a point. Even the cooking was handled by professionals here, so there were no chores to do. The Court Ladies handled the housework with terrifying efficiency. They didn’t even have the menial tasks usually relegated to new recruits. What were they supposed to do? Iron their own shirts?
「...Do you want to drive a forklift? Within the grounds... wait, what was the age limit again?」
I contacted Major Piggett. 「Two kiddos here say they’re bored, sir.」
「Ah... right. Go ahead and teach them how to drive a forklift.」
「Is that okay labor-wise?」
「Martial law has been declared, so it’s fine.」
When martial law went into effect, the constitution was suspended. In an emergency, human rights tended to take a backseat. Even if I was putting minors from a colony planet to work... well, it was fine as long as I was just teaching them. Even the Imperial Junior Academy students did warehouse work.
「All right. Come here, I’ll show you.」
The three of us headed to the loading dock, where we ran into Melissa.
「Yo, Melissa.」
「Why are you wearing a bag?」
Oops, I’d forgotten to take it off.
「Major Piggett told me to teach them how to use the forklift.」
「Ehh, don’t play around, you two! You’ll die if you're not careful!」
「We won’t!」
「There’s probably work like assembling ammo belts,」 I noted, 「but we’re still doing that by trial and error ourselves.」
I started the driving lesson. 「Listen up. If you make a mistake, you’re dead.」
That was an exaggeration, of course. Forklifts in this world were incredibly safe. If anything dangerous happened, the AI and sensors would force an automatic stop. I’d never even heard of a forklift accident. Even in warehouse work, Humanoid Heavy Machinery was used for the truly dangerous tasks, so injuries that couldn’t be fixed by nanomachines were rare. People died occasionally during military operations, but even that was infrequent. I suspected the only truly dangerous job left in this world was sewer maintenance.
The two of them picked up the controls in no time.
「Alright, move those food crates over there.」
「Roger... wait, Leo-san, you can actually teach normally!」
「I thought I was teaching you normally from the beginning...」
「Leo-san, your common sense is completely warped!!!」
「Ehh...」
I continued the work while being scolded. We moved cargo one after another until we reached the gate, where an old veteran from the Imperial Guard was stationed.
「Afternoon. Just doing some training.」
「O-Oh. Make sure you teach ’em right.」
「You bet.」
Everything was going perfectly up to that point. It was a nice, peaceful slice of daily life.
The problem started when a truck came crashing through.
Soldiers armed with Pulse Rifles poured out of the cargo hold. I leaped off the forklift and punched the nearest one. Using him as a human shield, I snatched his Pulse Rifle and opened fire. I set the output to Paralyze Mode and incapacitated several of them in an instant.
By the time I fell back to the Imperial Guard’s position, several more enemies had already been beaten to a pulp with bare hands. They were way too strong.
I immediately slammed the alarm button. Edge and Coco converged on my position.
「I knocked out about two of them by whacking them with this,」 Edge said, tossing aside his snapped wooden sword.
「Ahaha! It’s never boring when you’re around, Leo-san!」 Coco laughed. It looked like she’d beaten a grown man senseless with her bare hands; I could see teeth embedded in her knuckles.
「She might not look it, but Coco is the Village’s Top Warrior...」
「I can tell. Edge-kun, you’re officially the Coco-chan handler.」
「It was the same way back in the village...」
Don’t sweat it, ladies’ man, I thought, about to offer him some encouragement. But then, the perimeter fence began to buckle and collapse.
「Are they insane!?」
It was a tank. Some absolute lunatic had actually brought a tank to a royal assassination.