They called it a brig, but there was no such thing at the spaceport. It was just an interrogation room within the terminal. They had set up a simple folding bed, and though there wasn't any particular surveillance, I’d heard the guards were given specific instructions: “You have permission to punch him if he leaves for anything other than the toilet.”
I was sleeping peacefully until someone barged in.
“Ahahahaha! You’re actually locked up! You dummy, you total dummy!”
Cackling with the laugh of a total brat while her massive chest swayed was none other than TS Rocket Busty Kevin.
Does this guy hate me that much? In my mind, the debt should have been settled between my guts being spilled and me teasing him about the "TS" thing.
“Hey, Kevin…”
“What’s with the serious face?”
“Aren’t they spilling out of your bra?”
“Shut up! They grew again!”
I was pretty sure that if my bride, "The Have-not," heard that, she’d kill him on the spot. Even so, Zork genetic engineering was incredibly sloppy. The Zorks probably didn't even understand the concept of the two genders.
“What are you here for?”
“To mock you, obviously.”
What a person with way too much time on their hands. Then again, I realized he didn't have a post right now. He’d been dismissed as an operator, only called back when things got hectic. In other words, he was bored. Because he had betrayed and shot me, military regulations prevented him from being issued a weapon. He needed a doctor's certificate just to return to duty.
“Still, though~♪ Getting thrown in the brig after a brawl~♪ Isn't that just pathetic~♪ Mr. Hero? Pfft, tee-hee!”
His boobs... or rather, he was rejoicing with everything he had. Setting that aside...
“Hey, Boobs. Do you know of any Zork that can influence human thoughts?”
“Don’t call me Boobs! Human thoughts? What are you talking about?”
“No, it’s just... those guys earlier were acting strange. There was no reason for them to punch me. And a four-on-one? We’re comrades who’ve survived life-and-death situations together.”
The guys I fought had been dragged away by those Mohawk Imperial Guard veterans. They’d shouted things like, “Ganging up four-on-one against a single man is the height of cowardice! You shall be punished!”
They were likely facing a far harsher penalty than my stint in the reflection room. Everyone could have predicted this outcome. In the military, cowards are punished and traitors are never forgiven. If Kevin hadn't been a minor, he probably would have been executed—or maybe dissected like an experimental animal.
Kevin went quiet for a moment, then spoke in a low voice.
“There is one…”
I knew it. In the original game, units that didn't directly affect combat were often omitted for the sake of the scenario. I immediately opened a comms line to my bride.
“Bride. It’s a Zork that affects the mind. Kevin gave me the info.”
“Oh, what’s this? Did you get lonely alrea—Wait, WHAAAAAAAAT!?”
“This might be a precursor to an attack on the spaceport.”
“O-Oh! Keep the line open! Piggett! Are you awake!?”
Major Piggett joined the group chat. “Princess Veronica. What is the matter…?”
“It’s the Zork! A Zork is affecting people's minds!”
A loud clatter echoed from the Major's end, followed by a heavy thud and the sound of Piggett groaning, “Ow, ow, ow.”
He definitely just stubbed his toe.
“I’ve issued an alarm and sent out warning messages!” Piggett shouted.
“Umu. Prepare for evacuation.”
“Please head toward the linear station,” Piggett added. “Our weapons should be in transit there.”
“Umu, understood! Lord Groom, you head to the station as well!”
The transmission cut out. I stepped out of the room with Kevin, only to find the warning sirens blaring and evacuation procedures already in full swing.
“Kevin, let’s move!”
“R-Right!”
I locked eyes with a soldier. “That way!” he yelled.
He wasn't incompetent. Thank god. It seemed the truly useless people only existed back in the Kamishiro territory. However, one thing bothered me—the soldier was carrying a pulse rifle. That wouldn't do a thing against a Crab-chan. Weapon production really was failing to keep up with demand.
As we ran, we encountered a police officer holding a resin shield and a fire axe. At least he seemed to know that beam weapons were useless here.
“You kids! This way!”
“Got it!”
We followed his lead, but that was when it happened.
With a violent crash, the wall beside us collapsed. A Crab-chan burst through.
Shit! I can't win this barehanded!
“Uwaaaaaaaaah!”
The officer screamed. It was a natural reaction; not everyone is born to be a brave warrior. In his panic, the officer threw his axe at the Crab-chan. It bounced off with a pathetic clank.
“Old man, give me the shield!”
I snatched the shield from him. “Kevin! Get the officer and run!”
Holding the shield, I charged the Crab-chan. Just one hit! If I could just block one strike, I could find an opening to escape! If I survived, I could spend tomorrow being lazy with my bride!
Thinking about tomorrow was my mistake.
The crab’s claw slammed into the shield, piercing the reinforced resin with ease. I pivoted to the side, shifting the vector of the strike to force it away, but the shield was torn from my grip.
I spotted the axe rolling on the floor. I dived, grabbed it, and rolled back into a fighting stance.
Alright, alright, alright... how do I play this?
“Gishyaaaaaaaaaaaa!” the Crab-chan screeched.
“Shut uuuuuuuuuuuup!” I roared back.
In a fight like this, it was all about spirit. The Crab-chan swung its claws wildly. I knew what to do. It was time for the Melissa strategy.
I aimed for the crab’s joints and launched a counter.
Thump!
Damn it! The weight difference was too much! I was the one sent flying back by the recoil.
Fine, then the face!
I accelerated to full speed using Satsuma Martial Arts and swung a heavy blow right between its eyes. A dull thwack echoed through the hall, but even with the full strength of my body behind it, I couldn't crack the shell.
This is bad... I don't think I can win this. Isn't there a gunpowder-powered hammer around here somewhere!?
“Get on!”
Kevin appeared on a motorcycle, skidding to a halt beside me. I didn't hesitate; I jumped onto the back.
“Go!”
The bike roared as we sped off. Wait... this was a civilian model.
“Where did you get this bike!?”
“I don't know! I 'borrowed' it from a shop back there!”
Ooh. As expected of the Imperial Capital’s spaceport—it even had its own motorcycle dealerships.
“What happened to the guard?”
“I handed him off to the soldiers! But the Zork are blocking the way, I can't get back to that side!”
This was getting worse. Just then, a message from my bride came through.
“Lord Groom, hurry! They’re breaching the barricades!”
“Go on ahead! I can’t get to your position!”
Kevin steered the bike through a parking garage and out a vehicle exit.
“Lord Groom! You must join us later!”
“Yeah, don't worry. I'm too stubborn to die.”
As we burst outside, the area surrounding the spaceport was a nightmare. Smoke was rising from every direction, and the city was in chaos.