"Just what on earth is a secret weapon?!"
I decided to cool my head by teasing Kevin. I placed a call to the destroyer’s brig, where he was currently being held.
"Hey there, Boobs."
"Die!!!"
They really were massive. If my bride ever ran into him, she’d probably scream, “Hand them over!” while groping him. That was the sheer scale we were dealing with.
"How’ve you been lately? Doing okay?"
"…Do I look like I’m 'doing okay'? I’ve been turned into a girl and treated like a literal dress-up doll!"
Apparently, no one was actually harassing him or being violent. For the most part, my injuries were treated as a running gag, so there was no real fear of retaliation.
The real issue was that the Zork-ification process had turned him into quite the beauty. Combined with the fact that he’d been short and had neutral features before the change, he was now the primary target for the girls on the ship who had always been looking for an excuse to play dress-up.
"Well, glad to hear you're healthy."
"I just told you I’m not!!!"
"Anyway, look—I’m in the subway right now. Do you have any intel from the Zork side?"
"I am the Zork side, you idiot."
"Give it up. They’ve already cut you loose."
"Urgh!"
His role as a spy had been terminated, and his brainwashing was gone. Without the mental conditioning, there was no reason for him to stick with them. In fact, there was zero benefit to a Zork victory; if they won, the world would become a void without the internet, games, or manga. Kevin understood that as well as anyone.
"Yeah, yeah, just spit it out. If you don't, I'm calling you 'Boobs' from the next time we meet until the day you die."
"Die! …Ugh, just kill me already!"
Oh no… he actually dropped the 'kill me' line!
Unfortunately, since he used to be a guy, it didn't make my heart flutter in the slightest. My heart is a delicate instrument, after all.
"…There is one piece of information I managed to download from the database," he muttered.
"Database?"
"The Zork are connected in a mesh-like network. They share knowledge and directives through it."
"And the info?"
"Apparently, there’s a weapon in the Duke Territory that they had a lot of trouble with during the previous war."
"Heh… so it really does exist."
I wondered what kind of weapon it could be.
"Thanks. I'm heading out."
Seriously, what kind of weapon was it?
Even after our break ended, the tedious process of disarming traps continued. Fortunately, the Duke’s house didn't have infinite resources or manpower; they couldn't rig the entire city. Eventually, we managed to break through the trap-riddled zone.
We climbed down from the station platform onto the tracks. We’d already confirmed that the trains weren't running, so we switched on our lights and pushed forward. My loadout consisted of a Shock Hammer and an assault rifle. I’d also brought along that ridiculous large-caliber handgun I’d outputted from the Shaping Printer earlier—the one that fired anti-materiel rounds—mostly just for the hell of it. I prayed I wouldn't actually have to use it.
We kept moving, but there were no Zork to be found. No humans either. The silence was actually more terrifying than a fight.
Before long, the next station came into view. Sandbags were piled up like a makeshift fortification. Something felt off.
"We're surrounded," Melissa whispered.
She’d sensed bloodlust. I hadn't noticed it myself because the killing intent wasn't nearly as overwhelming as what the Zork put off.
"Halt!" a voice barked.
A group of men aimed pulse rifles at us. The Imperial Guard veterans and I immediately deployed the beam shields built into our combat suits. A split second later, the students followed suit.
"Draw blades!"
At the Mohawk veteran's command, everyone drew their weapons. Everyone else had a sword. I had a hammer. Why was I the only one?
"I am the Lord Gro—mgh-mgh!"
"Just stay quiet. You'll only make things more complicated," Melissa said, clamping a hand over my mouth.
She was right; I was a hated man here. It was better if I didn't introduce myself. Instead, the Mohawk veteran roared with pride.
"We are the Imperial Guard and Personal Guard under the banner of Imperial Princess Veronica! We have come to reinforce you!"
The students were officially registered as part of the Personal Guard. My own status was the only one left in limbo. I wasn't Imperial Guard, and I wasn't exactly Personal Guard either. I held the bizarre title of the Princess’s spouse. Apparently, if the Personal Guard ever received formal Imperial recognition, I was slated to become the Personal Guard Captain.
If that happened, my rank would be Captain. Considering my objective peak in life was usually 'Major,' I had basically reached the finish line of my career path already. Life really is full of surprises. I mean, being a Captain is actually a pretty big deal.
Using the name of the Imperial Guard was instantly effective.
"Sir! We are the Duke Army! I am Corporal Sam!"
"Major Piggett of the Imperial Guard."
So the Mohawk veteran was a Major. Corporal Sam snapped to attention, his back going rod-straight. I couldn't blame him; the old man was terrifying.
"Sir! This way, please!"
We were guided deeper into the station. I kept my head down and mingled with the students, acting like a total nobody so no one would realize I was from House Kamishiro.
There were civilians inside the station, though not many.
"We currently have about two hundred residents here," the corporal explained.
"I see. Is there any plan for a counteroffensive?" the Major asked.
"His Grace informed us in yesterday’s transmission that he would be activating the Secret Weapon."
The secret weapon was real!
Suddenly, a broadcast blared through the station's speakers.
"His Grace the Duke is sorting out! The deployment will be broadcast on all displays!"
"Oh! Perfect timing! Everyone, look!"
The corporal led us to a large public monitor. A ticker ran across the bottom of the screen: The Descent of the Ancient Weapon?!
I didn't like the look of this. They were acting like they’d already won.
Footage of several trains speeding along the tracks appeared on the screen. I started to get a very bad feeling, though for an entirely different reason than before. Multiple trains were hurtling toward a single point.
Wait, stop. Don't do it.
The genre itself was glitching out!
"Combine!"
The absolute madman actually did it!
Some parts took to the sky while others transformed. The trains slammed together, reconfiguring themselves. The mass of iron reshaped itself into a single, massive robot.
"Linear Blazer!"
A singer with an incredibly gravelly voice belted out a theme song over the broadcast.
You guys… you’re enjoying this way too much, aren't you? Did you seriously spend all this time preparing for this?!
Those of us who had actually fought the Zork were all uniformly staring at the screen in pure, unadulterated cringe. This wasn't the kind of enemy you could beat by playing around!
But for some reason, the Duke's soldiers and the refugees were completely captivated. Their faces were full of awe, as if a god had just descended from the heavens.
"Gwahahaha! You devils revived from five centuries ago! Behold the ruler of this planet! I am Duke Mistral! Come and face your doom!"
The Duke-exclusive machine used a train as a shield and drew a massive sword from its chassis. How on earth did they use those trains for actual transport? I felt like I’d lose my sanity if I thought about the logistics too hard.
From an outsider's perspective, it was painfully obvious: the Duke was trying to "troll" his enemy.