"Salute the Lord Marquis!"
My classmates greeted me with mocking smirks. Claire, standing right beside me, was giggling too.
"This is bullying!"
As I voiced my protest, my wife approached, her face split in a wide grin.
"Lord Groom! You have completed your conquest of the planet! I shall grant you my praise!"
"The wording makes me sound like a total villain!"
Conquest of the planet. I sounded less like a hero and more like a rising dictator or a high-level criminal.
Then there was my father, the former lord, and my eldest brother. An order to return to their territory had been issued because of the Zork invasion. I’d wondered why those two were even here, and that turned out to be the reason.
That much was fine. I was the lord now, regardless. Since I was the only one who actually understood military affairs, I’d figured it would be best if they just stayed out of my way. I’d intended to let them stay on the planet and do whatever they wanted. It was a rural backwater with no facilities to waste money on, after all.
However, circumstances had changed. Those idiots had been operating Standard Machines without a license. When I’d pressed them on why they even went out to battle, they’d replied, "Because I am the lord!"
That wasn't an answer. Don't pilot the damn things if you don't have a license! You'll just die for nothing!
Apparently, the reason only those two had been present was that they were such a clear hindrance that the Marquis Army had simply abandoned them. Moreover, they spent the whole time justifying themselves and showed zero remorse. It wasn't even worth a conversation.
As a result, I’d put them under house arrest. For their own safety. Seriously, are they idiots?
Anyway, we set out the juice and alcohol.
"Good work, sir!"
It was a victory celebration. The school crowd, the Imperial Guard veterans... I even invited Big Brother Sam, who had protected the residents despite being a civilian. I pointedly did not invite the Marquis Army. I wanted to see exactly what kind of shameless faces they’d make when they eventually tried to suck up to me.
"The Marquis Army, huh? In the worst-case scenario, we'll just root them out entirely," my wife said with terrifying casualness.
"I think Leo will probably just ignore them because he's too kind," Claire added, though her words were just as chilling. "But on any planet, treason is a capital offense."
"In my family," Melissa said, being even more specific, "idiots who abandoned the lord and his heir would have their entire clan beheaded and their heads put on display."
Scary!
"To think this is a Marquis House. The Empire might really be finished," my wife muttered.
"If that happens, should we just run away together?" I asked.
"Will you still stay with me even if I am no longer an Imperial Princess?"
"I am your husband, after all."
"Claire, Melissa, will you come with us?"
"I will accompany you," Claire said instantly.
"Maybe we should just hijack some random frontier planet and start our own country," Melissa mused. "Ruler of one's own castle. I like the sound of that."
We were laughing about it, but I was secretly envisioning a rather bleak future. However, the very next day, things took a sharp turn in a completely unexpected direction. You really never know what life has in store.
"Leo!"
"Veronica!"
A muscular man with a massive cleft chin hugged an actress with an incredibly "strong" face. Then came a dramatic kiss scene with a massive explosion in the background. My information terminal was currently displaying an absolute disaster.
Once the suffocatingly stifling kiss scene ended, the screen cut to an announcer.
"The hero, Leo Kamishiro, has saved Planet Kamishiro! He struck down the hateful Zork and delivered the judgment of justice!"
The screen cut back to the cleft-chin guy. He was wearing a shirt so tight it looked ready to burst, emphasizing his massive chest. He kept striking poses like a professional wrestler.
The caption on the screen read: Leo Kamishiro.
"...The real one is a better-looking man. Don't you think, Claire?"
"Compared to this actor, Leo’s eyes look meaner... but I like the real one better. What do you think, Melissa?"
"The actor's muscles are sexier, but Leo's face is definitely better."
They were incessantly praising my face. Is it okay for me to feel a little confident? I let my teeth glint with a practiced sparkle.
"That's exactly the kind of thing we're talking about—"
"That's the problem right there—"
"You're doing it again—"
How cruel! I was doing my best to live my life here!
"Hey, Wifey. Why did it turn out like this?"
"I reported the requisition of the planet to the state, and they immediately seized the opportunity for propaganda! Hahahahahaha!"
"And yet this is the actor they chose for a government production?!"
"Ah, about that. They were planning to cast the popular idol, Selphin, but the girl went missing. They had no choice but to use the professional wrestler, Death Mountain Endo."
"The mismatch is insane!"
"By the way, he's forty-five years old!"
"They aren't even trying to match the age!"
Suddenly, Claire's glasses fogged up. "Umm, Your Highness... about the person being missing... could it be...?"
"Yes, it is the same as Kevin. Apparently, they are normally male, but they undergo a transformation into females when they come into contact with the Zork's Will."
"Zork's Will? What's that?" Melissa asked, looking utterly lost.
"We don't fully understand it yet. That is simply what Kevin is claiming... but it seems the Zork have a Central Unit that issues orders, much like a hive of ants or bees."
Isn't it a bit early to figure that out?! In the game, you weren't supposed to find that out until the final act!
"Up until a certain point, these spies are raised among humans. Then, when they receive an order—the so-called Zork's Will—their bodies undergo a transformation. They become stronger and faster."
"But why do they turn into girls?" Melissa’s eyes were like pinpricks. Her brain clearly wasn't keeping up with the explanation.
"It is a byproduct of the DNA alteration and the restructuring of their body tissues."
"...But didn't they think it was strange? I mean, a man becoming a woman!" Having spent years not being treated like a woman herself, Melissa seemed unable to process the concept.
"They are likely just indifferent," my wife replied. "Those creatures think of us as nothing more than bacteria. I doubt they can even distinguish between individuals."
No, that's not it, I thought. It was because the developers thought, "A blushing gender-swapped girl is a gift from the gods!" I hope those guys get kidney stones.
"The Zork are way too sloppy with their details," I grumbled.
"The Empire did some quite heartless things during the pioneering era as well. Discrimination against the Beast Race still continues to this day, after all."
"They don't even think of us as equals! Dammit, what a joke! Leo, let's go kick their asses!"
"O-Oh, sure!"
"Why do you sound so unmotivated?!"
"Well, I was just wondering what to do about Kevin. Sending him to the Imperial Capital to be treated like a lab rat feels a bit... wrong."
Even if he was a traitor, he’d been biologically engineered that way; it wasn't like he had any choice in the matter. Being dissected seemed a little too pitiful.
"I thought the Lord Groom would say that. I have already asserted our rights. Kevin is now the Lord Groom's personal property."
"Wait, he's not being treated as a human?"
"He is Zork. Therefore, he is treated as an animal. Living with a lovely young girl slave—boys like that kind of thing, don't they?"
"No, not at all! I knew him back when he was a dude. Besides, what about the brainwashing?"
"Ah, about that. It seems he has been disconnected from the Zork Network. It appears the Zork disconnected him to avoid the risk of being back-traced."
"Pardon?"
"It seems the brainwashing has worn off as well. Go comfort him, Lord Groom."
She’d dumped the whole mess in my lap. What the hell am I supposed to do now...?