The next day, we finally located my father and eldest brother.
They’d both headed out to join the fray, but after a string of retreats, they’d ended up cornered in a mine. Since most of their soldiers had deserted, their small group had been difficult to spot, and it took a considerable amount of time for the drones to track them down.
I was currently heading to their position in a transport craft. I mean, seriously! Could they please just turn on their GPS?! And their friend-or-foe identification authentication! This is exactly why I can't stand tech-illiterates! We couldn't find them for the longest time because they’d turned every single system off!
In the distance, I saw two Standard Machines fighting a Crab-chan. Just as I was wondering how on earth they were still alive, I realized they had already spent all their ammo and were resorting to bashing the thing with steel beams they’d scavenged from the mine.
Do I... perhaps have a particularly strong strain of the muscle-brain clan’s blood in my veins?
"Hmph!"
One of the robots swung a steel beam, thumping the Zork. I should mention that my old man had never received a day of military training in his life. Under the laws back then, he had been exempt from conscription. After graduating from university, he had spent his entire career working at a government office in the Imperial Capital. Apparently, his motor skills were just that pathetic.
My old man’s eldest son, Dexter, was a science graduate student, so he was serving as a mandatory police officer in lieu of military service. Needless to say, neither of them had ever been in a real fight.
"Gishaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Guaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
The moment the Zork hissed, they turned tail and ran. It seemed the creature didn't even register them as threats.
Dexter tried to move in for support.
"I'll show you the power of the police!"
Oh? Is he actually going to do something? I wondered. He picked up a stray steel pipe and took a swing.
Clink.
Well, that was a bust.
"Gishaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
It appeared his performance as a police officer had been just as half-hearted as everything else.
"Lord Groom. Shall we just head back and flirt?" Veronica suggested over the comms.
"Please don't give up on them yet," I sighed.
"Even though Leo is a Berserker... how can they be like this?" Claire added, her voice dripping with exasperation.
Don't ask me. I didn't know either. Ultimately, they were so weak that the Zork probably viewed them as nothing more than annoying flies. There might not have been a commander unit nearby, or perhaps we had simply drawn too much attention to ourselves. After all, we’d already slaughtered most of the Zorks on this planet.
"Captain, come on, let's just help them already. They are your family, right?" Melissa prodded.
Fair point.
"Yeah, yeah. Leo, launching."
"Wow, that's the lowest energy I've ever heard from you. Hilarious!"
"Shut up."
I vaulted out of the transport craft. There was only one Zork left. To think the Marquis Army had been decimated by a single one... if I thought about it too much, I’d already lost.
In the end, the students of the Imperial Officer Academy were actually quite elite. This was the top public institution in the Empire, after all. I personally held a First-Class Small Vessel Pilot License (Outer Space), plus qualifications for various heavy machinery, robots, specialized radio operation, and I was a certified AI Technician. Melissa and the others were just as over-qualified. Claire even held a Sniping Qualification.
We were a world apart from a backwater provincial army that could barely fire a straight shot. The reason we hadn't suffered a single casualty was that, when push came to shove, we actually knew how to fight.
"Oraaaah!"
I delivered a heavy swing with the steel beam of my repaired robot. A satisfying crack echoed as the shell split. While it wasn't as tough as the hull of a battleship, I made up for the lack of weight with pure momentum. Having satisfied my urge to smash something, I deployed the blade from the machine's leg.
See? The weapons I was using before were just weird! This was a perfectly normal blade.
"Gishaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Crab-chan finally snapped. Its claws lunged at me, but I was faster. I slashed at its joints while dancing around the pincers. Since my machine wasn't tuned for raw power like Melissa’s, I couldn't cut through the shell in one go. Instead, I threw in a kick to knock it off balance. I sliced off its antennae and followed up with a punch.
As the momentum of its claws slowed, I focused entirely on evasion. Dodge, dodge, dodge. Then came the big swing! I lunged forward, grabbed the joint, and snapped it backward.
"Gishaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
I couldn't tell if it was a scream or a roar. As I pinned it down, I drove my blade deep into its core.
"Claire!"
"Fire!"
A point-blank bombardment followed, and Crab-chan was reduced to scrap.
"Wow... is Imperial Army Swordsmanship always that brutal?"
"Beats me. They only taught us ceremonial spear, sword, and knife techniques."
Even then, we only practiced a few times a year. It wasn't exactly a primary focus. If you're fighting pirates, your survival rate is much higher if you focus on mid-range marksmanship. If the Zorks hadn't appeared, these close-quarters skills would have been entirely useless.
"Leo! Behind you!"
Suddenly, a Zork erupted from the ground. I simply held out my hand.
"Fire!"
With a dull whoosh, the Zork spontaneously ignited. It was Level 1 Pyrokinesis. Without missing a beat, I smashed it with the machine's knuckles. The shell buckled with a heavy thud.
"Fire!"
A final bang from the cannons, and it was over. It was a crab-type, but poisonous and inedine, so there was no point in harvesting the meat. I’d just use the parts to repair the units.
"Leo! That ESP just now...!"
"I gave it a shot and it worked. I’ve been able to use it since Kevin shot me."
"Ah... right. Yeah, that was a rough time."
Both Claire and Melissa fell silent. Please, stop. Don't go all quiet and pitying on me.
And so, I had my "emotional" reunion with my father and brother.
"Ooooooooooh! Leo!"
"My brother!"
"Yeah, hey. By the way, you guys are retiring. I'm taking over as Marquis."
"What?"
They clearly didn't know that Mom had already jumped ship. Even Big Brother Sam agreed that I should be the head of the house!
"A—a coup?!"
"Hardly. It’s just that I’m the only one with any military competence, so it fell to me."
"Y-you unfilial brat!"
Right then, a transmission from my wife cut in.
"Ugh, honestly! This conversation is going nowhere! I am officially declaring this planet occupied by my forces. Provisionally, I appoint my husband as the lord of this world. If you have any complaints, feel free to try and defeat him. That is all!"
"So she says, Papa," I said, purposely provoking him.
"Gunu-nu-nu-nu! Leo, remember this! Don't you dare come crying to me when things go south!"
"Crying or not, things literally cannot get any worse than they already were."
I kept up the provocations, but honestly, I was relieved that my father and brother were residents of a "gag world." The original Leo Kamishiro had been a resident of a "serious world," and he’d been munched right up.
With that, the planet was officially secured.
Now then, time to go interrogate Kevin. And I really need to use all these materials I’ve gathered to customize my machine...