The next day arrived.
I was finally discharged from the hospital.
The Zorks hadn't launched another attack yet, but my father and eldest brother were still missing.
My father was already past the age where he could be legally resurrected via cloning. In this empire, reanimation technology was strictly prohibited for anyone fifty or older, unless they were a vital witness to a crime on the level of High Treason. The law existed mainly to stop people from reviving relatives just to keep collecting their pensions.
Basically, if he was dead, he was dead for good.
If that turned out to be the case, I planned to shove all the responsibilities onto my eldest brother.
My wife... she isn't actually thinking about making me the Marquis, is she?
I hated this marginal village—it was nothing but thugs and old-timers! There was no way I could govern a place like this. The only thing it had going for it was its resources.
Distressed by the thought, I wandered through the halls of the lord's mansion.
"My room is already gone! Gyahahaha!"
All my precious mementos—files packed with enough adult data to sink a ship—had been unceremoniously disposed of. Honestly, it was probably for the best that they were tossed before the other guys could scavenge through them. If you let a group of teenage boys into your house, they’d conduct a full-scale raid for any hidden smut.
Our home was a building designed like a hotel. The top floor served as our private residence, while the middle floors were for guests. Further down, there were conference rooms, a gymnasium, and administrative offices. The family rented those spaces out to the government for "administrative services" at extortionate prices.
I’d been telling them for years, "Stop squeezing the fief's citizens; you're just punching your own wallet," but those idiots never listened. I didn't care anymore.
I headed toward the upper floors where everyone was staying. I found the students and the Imperial Guard veterans working in the ping-pong room, which they had filled with equipment.
"Oh, Lord Groom. You’re out of the hospital, I see."
A heavily bearded veteran called out to me.
"I managed to survive somehow," I replied.
"An outstanding soldier's life is always a target. You should take it as a sign of your fame—you’ve finally made enough of a name for yourself as a hero that the Zorks are coming for your head."
"The 'Jester' name is taking on a life of its own, even if I'm totally empty inside."
"That’s fine. You just sit tight, Lord Groom. The enemy will start jumping at shadows just from your presence. After that, as long as you don't die, it’s our victory."
"I'll do my best to stay alive, sir."
Just as I was starting to feel encouraged by his words—
"You bastard! Not a single erotic file to be found! I’ve lost all respect for you!" one of the idiot boys shouted.
"My parents tossed them without asking, okay!"
While I was occupied with that hollow conversation, a man with a buzz cut approached. He was a knight of the Marquis Army.
"Young Master. Your mother has been found."
"Wait, Mom?"
I’d honestly forgotten about her.
She was my father's legal wife, but my brothers and I all had different mothers. My biological mother had run away with a traveling merchant almost the moment I was born. I couldn't really blame her; who would want to stay in a backwater like this? She probably thought she’d be happy as the mistress of a powerful man, but a rural lord wasn't the "power" she’d been looking for. She expected to live in the Imperial Capital where my father worked, not assist him with administrative duties in the middle of nowhere.
So, she left me behind. A traveler seeking happiness has no use for a brat.
As a result, the woman I recognized as my "mother" was actually my stepmother. She treated all of us brothers equally—specifically, by neglecting us all equally. She had pawned off the upbringing of even her biological son to babysitting drones, maids, and butlers. She was a busy woman. I understood that, but it’s hard to foster affection when you never spend time together.
That was why I’d forgotten she existed. She was the kind of person who wouldn't even visit the hospital if you were on your deathbed. I often thought that if my father had possessed enough passion to hunt down my biological mother and kill her, the public might have respected him more. Most people won't entrust important work to a cold-hearted man unless he has overwhelming talent.
Accompanied by the Imperial Guard, my mother arrived.
"Leo, have you been well?"
"I was shot and my intestines and kidneys were blown out, so I’ll be on first-name terms with the toilet for a while, but I'm well enough."
"..."
The conversation died instantly. I might have made a poor choice of words there. HAHAHA!
"Let us talk, just the two of us. Come to the conference room next door."
"Understood."
Inside the room, she sat on a folding chair. I unfolded one nearby and took a seat.
"How much do you know?" she asked.
"About my ESP?"
"About everything that has happened."
"Nothing, really. Just that I awakened to a garbage, overhyped ESP called Jester."
"And the secret of our house?"
"Only that my father once ordered a custom wig in the Imperial Capital..."
The horror I felt when I accidentally saw that wig shop appointment on his shared calendar still haunted me. I’d immediately undergone genetic therapy to prevent the same fate. Even so, sometimes nature wins. Sadly, humanity has yet to truly overcome baldness.
"That is not it. I am talking about the Jester."
Wait, what?
Could it be? Is there a genetic component to this? Am I from a chosen bloodline? Is my cheat ability finally getting a proper backstory?
"Our family history claims we rose from the rank of a single knight... but in reality, the first Emperor granted this land to a comedian as a joke. Apparently, the man performed a 'Naked Performance' in front of His Imperial Majesty and made him laugh."
"That is the absolute last thing I wanted to hear right now."
It had nothing to do with my ability at all! We were just a lineage of high-class clowns! Not a "chosen bloodline," just a family of court jesters!
"And... regarding the Zorks?"
"I know nothing of such creatures!" she declared.
"I figured as much!"
What a pointless conversation.
"In short, what I am trying to say is... no special blood flows through our house. Do not do anything reckless. There are limits to what cloning technology can do. Also, congratulations on your marriage."
I wasn't the type to be moved by the words of someone I barely knew, even if she was technically my mother. If Big Brother Sam had said that, I would have been touched. It frustrated me that my heart was stirred at all despite my cynical thoughts.
"Thank you."
"You have become quite respectable."
"I’ve still got a long way to go." I was still weak, after all. That giant was basically the first boss of the story. In a video game, he would have just been a good source of experience points.
"I am thinking of having you become the Marquis," she said suddenly.
"Huh? That’s going way too far."
My plan had been to let my wife annex the territory into her own lands, but...
"You must hold a status befitting the spouse of an Imperial Princess. Those two noisy men are finally missing. Become the Marquis while you have the chance."
"I love that idea!"
Suddenly, my wife burst into the room.
"Mother-in-law! I am in full agreement! Do not worry, I shall not be cruel to the citizens or your family. I simply intend to use this land as my base of operations."
"As Your Highness commands."
Me? A Marquis?
Maybe I could still shove the title onto Big Brother Sam...