It was a form for ceremonial spears.
Imperial Spearmanship 24th Style, Form 1 Reverse.
Forms with the same number come in "Front" and "Reverse" versions; "Front" targets the belly, while "Reverse" goes for the back.
Commonly known as "1-2-3."
In short, it’s the very first thing you learn.
Even after moving up from the Imperial Junior Academy to the Regular Course at the Officer Academy, they still drill it into you endlessly during bayonet practice.
It has zero practical use. The basic engagement distance is mid-range, and if anyone gets close enough to need it, you're supposed to use a knife.
And yet, it sticks with you forever. They force you to practice it for no reason at all.
But right now, that useless training was actually proving its worth.
Give a bunch of idiotic boys at the Junior Academy sticks, and it’s their destiny to start playing at war. It always starts with practicing the forms, but eventually, everyone gets serious and it devolves into a brawl—that’s just part of the traditional aesthetic.
That experience was paying off. I could fight this thing.
However, the bipedal giant in front of me was in a league of its own. It was bad news.
But someone had to draw the short straw.
I charged.
"Uoooooooooooooh!"
"Jesteeeeeeeeeeeeer!!!"
I cranked the Roller Dash to max output. I didn't have a lance, so I improvised a charge with my spear.
We collided with a heavy thud. The spear drove deep into the creature's mass, but it wasn't enough to stop it.
The giant wound up a fist. I let go of the spear and leapt backward.
"Claire! Detonate it!"
"Acknowledged!"
The spear impaled in the giant’s flesh exploded. Even though I should have been clear of the blast, the shockwave slammed into me. I hit the ground hard but managed to roll into a breakfall and spring back to my feet.
My technique must have been on point. Fortunately, I hadn't taken any real damage; my machine was just a bit more battered than before.
...I’m starting to feel less and like a human being with every passing minute.
"It's still alive! Commencing fire!"
The two-seater battery spat fire. Every shot should have hit home, but reality wasn't so kind.
The Zork walked forward with terrifying composure. Its wounds knitted shut with every step it took.
"Kill Jester."
The giant casually scooped up a Crab-type Zork. It wound up its arm, ready to throw...
That’s cheating!
I ran for my life. Could sheer size really create such a hopeless gap in combat power?
The giant slammed the smaller Zork down like a projectile. It didn't hit me directly, but the ground shook violently from the impact.
"Captain! We'll back you up!"
"Stop! It's no use!"
But Melissa dashed out anyway. She began carving into its legs with her blade.
"Haha! It’s softer than the crabs, at least!"
"Lord Groom! We shall assist as well!"
The Imperial Guard veterans joined the charge. Just then, a transmission came in from my fiancée.
"Lord Groom! Buy us some time! I am coming!"
"Wait, a destroyer's equipment isn't meant for..."
Actually, hold on. If it's not a crab, maybe the destroyer's beam would be effective?
"I'll buy you time! Melissa! Old guys! I'm breaking out the anti-materiel rifle, so keep its attention!"
"You got it!"
I quickly assembled the rifle on my machine's back. I deployed the tripod and dropped into a prone position.
While I set up, Melissa and the veterans kept up the pressure. They slashed and charged relentlessly. The Imperial Guard used their shields to soak up the giant's blows, creating openings for Melissa to strike.
Even so, they couldn't land a decisive hit.
"This is wrong! If it's biological, it shouldn't be able to move once its tendons are severed!"
The giant's wounds closed the second they were opened.
"Enough! Student Melissa, cast aside your preconceptions!"
"I hear you, old man! But what are we supposed to do then!?"
"Trust the Lord Groom. That man always exceeds expectations."
With them talking me up like that, I couldn't exactly afford to fail.
Let’s do this.
"Claire."
"Acknowledged. Commencing aim correction."
I let Claire handle the firing solutions.
"Melissa, old guys! Fall back!"
The Imperial Guard and Melissa scrambled away. I squeezed the trigger of the anti-materiel rifle.
I aimed for either the heart or the brain. Neither of those should be able to regenerate. ...Probably.
The heart was the safer bet since it was a larger target. Even if I didn't hit it perfectly, the sheer kinetic force had a chance of killing it.
The anti-materiel round roared across the distance. It pierced the giant's torso, punching straight through where its heart should be. The impact pulverized bone and liquified flesh. When the bullet exited the back, it left a hole several times its original diameter.
"Wh-wha...?"
The giant stared down at its own chest. Seeing the daylight shining through the massive gap in its torso, the creature let out a guttural roar.
"Uoooooooooooooh! Jester! Kill Jester!!!"
The giant's eyes flared a sinister red, and the hole began to close right before my eyes.
I can't kill it.
The moment that conviction took hold of me, I was already charging.
Another transmission from my wife came through.
"Lord Groom! The main cannon is prepped and ready! However, firing now would level the city!"
"What do you want me to do?"
"Hurl it into the sky!"
I tackled the giant's leg. Deploying the claws on my knuckles, I scrambled up onto its back and started pummeling it.
"Everyone! Help me!"
"Jesteeeeeeeeeeeeer! You're in the way!"
The giant reached back to swat me off. I shouted at the top of my lungs.
"Cut it!"
Melissa’s blade flashed, severing the reaching arm. In that split second, I grabbed the giant's fingers and wrenched them back with everything the machine had.
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
The giant shrieked in pain. I landed one more heavy punch before tucking both its legs under my machine's arms.
"Oraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Every gear in the Jester groaned and shrieked. But this was the only way.
It was time for a Giant Swing.
A Giant Swing for a giant monster—now that’s what I call a classic finale.
In reality, the sound of my machine literally tearing itself apart was absolutely terrifying, though!
"Claire! Eject!"
"No! I'm staying with you!"
She refused. There was no more time to argue. I swung the giant around, the centrifugal force finally lifting its massive bulk off the ground.
"Hmph! Uooooooooooooryaaaaaaaah!"
Snap!
My machine's knees gave out. But I managed to release the throw.
My left arm was torn clean off, dragged along by the giant's momentum. The hip joints twisted and snapped, and my machine collapsed into the dirt.
"Well done, Lord Groom! Fire!"
A plasma bolt erupted from the destroyer high above. It streaked down, incinerating the wasteland and turning the giant into nothing more than drifting ash. Half of the remaining Zork swarm was caught in the periphery of the blast and annihilated instantly.
"I'll leave the rest to you..."
The Jester was dead. It crumbled from the legs up with sickening metallic cracks. I just lay there in the cockpit as it settled into the dirt. I eventually forced the door open, pulled Claire out, and retreated to safety.
With the giant dead, the rest of the Zork forces fell into a total rout.
"We saved the Capital City, didn't we?"
"Yeah."
On that day, I saved my home.
In the aftermath, the city residents and Big Brother Sam gave us a hero's welcome. My father and eldest brother, who had been on the front lines, were still missing—but at least Sam was alive. That was a good enough outcome for me.
While the rest of the survivors threw themselves into a celebratory banquet, I sat alone in a corner with my food.
You get it, right? I don't exactly have the social skills to navigate a situation like this.
I was silently praying that no one would notice me when a familiar face approached.
"Hey, got a minute?"
It was Kevin, one of my fellow students.
"Actually, I'm relieved to see someone I know. Talk as long as you like."
"Ahahaha. You're the same as ever. Listen, I'd like you to come with me for a bit."
"What for?"
"I wanted to consult you about the repairs for your custom machine."
"Ah, right. Makes sense."
I followed Kevin toward a nearby garage.
"In here," he said, gesturing toward the entrance.
I stepped inside, but the space was completely empty.
"Hey, Kevin. Are you sure this is the right place?"
"Oh, it's the right place."
I turned around to find Kevin pointing a gun directly at my chest.
"I never imagined our natural enemy would be this much of a nuisance."
What the hell are you talking about?